BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids 45, MARRIED, PREGNANT BUT DON'T WANT KIDS

To Sandrake, and any other ladies here who've had an abortion and would like a safe space to talk, this website may help:
http://www.passboards.org/index.php

I wish you peace, Sandrake. You've made a brave and thoughtful decicion. I stand beside you too. xxxx

I'm next in line standing beside Kalinka, standing beside Cassie, standing beside YOU!

Indeed, just be gentle with yourself. If you read some of the stories on imnotsorry.net, you'll know that even women who do not regret their decisions still feel something. While I didn't feel bad about the possibility of missing out on parenthood, I did feel bad about putting my husband through it. I also beat myself up about getting pregnant in the first place. I mean, one accidental pregnancy, fine. You had one abortion. Society says, "well, at least you've learned your lesson. You'll be more careful from now on." And, even though my husband and I utilized what birth control we could to the best of our capabilities, it happened again! Truthfully, for me, the stigma of being the woman who had 2 abortions was a daunting thought. Some might even say it was fate, "and you having a baby was meant to be." I had always considered myself an intelligent person. If I am anything in this life, I'm logical and capable. For me, being unable to avoid pregnancy was an affront to my whole being. "Good 'ole Dolyn, she always knows how to do things right. Straight "A" Dolyn, she's got the answers." I know this all comes off as sounding arrogant. I'm not trying to imply I'm smarter than everyone, or better than anyone for that matter. I'm just trying to get across how disappointed I was in myself. Getting pregnant was one of the few times in my life that I felt dumb. I was mad at myself for not being able to do something right that millions of women could, successfully use birth control. Sometimes, I still beat myself up about it. But, I started to see it from a different point of view after a while. I could be the cautionary White Whale for all. If a highly educated Biologist couldn't successfully keep herself from getting pregnant (twice no less), then the rest of society out there can't deem all women with unwanted pregnancies irresponsible. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE. And, I'm not going to be made to feel guilty for not feeling guilty either. My BC failed. My husband and I chose to terminate the pregnancies. The end. I'm sure in time, you'll be able to see things in a new light. It's all very fresh right now. ::big hug::

Sandrake- I went through the same thing, just recently. I am 37. I, like you, really struggled with the situation my husband and I found ourselves in. The same wonderful women that helped you think about the issue from varioius angles, helped me too. I am just writing to say I am glad you are ok and that I am still thankful for the 4 women that took the time to write and even speak with me during my time of turmoil. Thank goodness for them, this site, and the fact that we can choose. My best to you.