BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Not sure how to feel about this....

Hi everyone! Ok, so I am not sure how to feel about something that happened, well didn't happen, with a friend. I have been friends with "Suzy" for the last 28 years. We have been there thru thick and thin with each other, in each other's weddings, etc.. I know that when I need her she is/will be there. But sometimes, she is not as thoughtful as I would expect her to be. Here's what I mean... I recently graduated from nursing school. She has always been very supportive, cheered me on and came to my nursing school graduation ceremony (I could only invite 10 ppl). I asked her if she could take lots of pictures for me and she did. She didn't give me a card or gift that night, which I found very surprising. That is not like her. But, I figured she'd give me a card at my graduation party, which followed about 3 weeks after the actual ceremony (to celelbrate with everyone else I could not invite to the acutal ceremony). So, had the grad party last weekend. She came, but no card. I saw her the next day and the topic came up. She said, "I didn't get you card. I'm sorry. I just have been so busy..." etc. She is busy (single mom and widow at age 41) but it kind of hurts my feelings a little. I don't mean to sound petty, but this is really bugging me. She was at both of my ceremonies, but I am surprised that she didn't get me a card b/c she is usually so thoughtful. Maybe she doesn't feel that is important b/c we are such good friends. I know it's just a card and shouldn't matter, but I feel a little hurt - and am not sure why I am feeling this way. I don't mean to sound shallow b/c I am not. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hi jillster,

It is very natural to feel hurt or perhaps disappointed in your situation. Yes, perhaps "Suzy" thought you guys are such good friends so formality doesn't matter or perhaps... It's all speculation though.

I understand that because you care about this relationship, you feel hurt. Your friend's actions fell short of your expectations of a good friend and the support you wanted from someone who has shared so many years of ups and downs with you.

Your thoughts are always heard here at BellaOnline. I wish I could give you more advise...

Just know that your feelings are always valid, and never feel guilty for having them.

BTW, congratulations on graduating nursing school!!! It's such a milestone to be celebrated!

Hugs!

It's important that different people have very different levels of expectations about "what is required". She already took a ton of photos for you, acting as "free photographer". That seems like gift enough!

I personally hate cards. I never get people cards, they are money spent on something that gets tossed into the trash. Instead I give the gift of my time. It sounds like your friend might have the same mentality!

For example I don't think I've gotten a birthday card in MANY years - even from my best friends. Instead, they spend time with me, which is perfect

Cara - you are right when you said, " Your friend's actions fell short of your expectations of a good friend and the support you wanted from someone who has shared so many years of ups and downs with you." It's my expectations that disappointed me. Thanks!

I am not sure what your friends reasons for no card were but she dis show up for both occassions and took your photos for you. Everyone gives cards cause they are "expected".. some sincerely and well pickout out and others at random ...just cause you expect it. So what would you prfer a card or the showing up at both occassions and photos that speak louder than any card. Let it go.

rdyqenur - thank you!