BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Resentment.

My partner and I have been together for 11 years. We have his 16 year old daughter living with us fulltime. She has been here for three years now. She steals from me. Goes into our bedroom and helps herself to what ever she wants. She lies to us. Manipulates us, her friends and the rest of her family members. While I do not entirely blame this girl for her behaviour as her mother is EXACTLY the same way and SD is just living what she has learnt, I still find it extremely hard to deal with. The long and the short of it is how do YOU not resent your stepchildren? Maybe it is just me but I am in a bad place and I totally get a ball of resentment sitting in the pit of my stomach. My nerves are really bad but only when she is around. I do feel bad about feeling this way towards her. I truly thought in the beginning that I would be her mentor and savoir, of sorts, as she hated her mother (sad part is....she IS her mother in the way she acts and conducts herself) Is it just me or are there others that feels somewhat the same as me? How do you deal with it? Thank you for listening to me. Namaste.

I feel for you, having been in a similar situation myself several years ago! It is natural, and I believe healthy and normal to feel resentment in such a situation.

You and your husband need to work together and set basic ground rules for acceptable behavior. Not only should you not have to live this way, but in 2 short years she is likely to be out in the world and she needs to be ready. Do you have access to an employee assistance plan? Mine was very helpful in providing counseling to get us on the same page and come up with fair and understandable behavior guidelines. (and was free!)

Best of luck! I really feel for you!

I have had to deal with resentment too. I give the resentment to God a lot. I am sorry you are not able to separate yourself physically from your step-daughter. I gave up trying to get along with my step-kids. 30 years is way too long to be driving myself crazy. I am still trying to figure out how to survive in a marriage where my husband and his former family from over 30 years ago are now staying in touch secretly on facebook. I have no problem with folks having privacy, but secrecy, rudeness, verbal abuse and false accusations, and the cold shoulder is not something I am willing to live in. My husband's older kids were pretty rough on their step-dad as well.

i agree with the second comment ste rules but look dont give up these are still childen weather 5,10 or even 16 they are still kids . you guys have been together 11 years that means since she was 5 or 6 she knows better treat her like she acts she wants to act grown and steal and not learn nothin take her butt to boot camp if u cant handle her they have weekend things they do in the juvinile detention center alllll the time you are grown ladies scared of teenagers no noo thats not ! the way to go i be dammn if i let my setp child walk all over me like that thats y i teach her respect at a early age. i dont beat or or nothin and we only get her the weekends and her mom just spoils her like shes a doll. dont let her walk all over u pleeze dont. now it would be kinda difficult if youre just coming into a kids like when ther 16 17 thats the rebell stage teens just like to push buttons until u crack and when u crack thats when it gets worse trust me i was that child back n the day and i learned that lesson they will only do as much as you let them do u let them like u let them steal i say take them to boot camy straighten allllll that out dont drive yoself krazie ova no bull