BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Thank you all so much!

It's me again. I wanted to thank everyone for their support on my earlier post. My husband and I had another talk about this last weekend. We talk it to death, but I'd rather that than no communication. We agreed that, for now, I'm going to start making plans to get my PhD, no matter what happens with the baby thing. I did tell him that if he didn't want kids, this wouldn't be an issue. He said he knew that and he doesn't think we're going to end up with them. I asked if he could be happy with just me and he said yes. I feel like we're a little closer to sorting this out. It may be hard, but he has promised that if someone leaves, it will be me (which isn't going to happen). He has said repeatedly that he doesn't want to. For me, for now, it's enough. I think if he hits crisis mode later on, and we do split up, I'll be happy that I didn't capitulate and have a baby for him. I'll keep you posted. But for now, we're pretty peaceful living in limbo. Interestingly, I'm not ready to close the door on the baby thing. So we'll see. And if the decision gets made for me, i.e. I can't have one, so be it. For now, that's where I am.

It will be good for you to focus on yourself and get your PhD. Good plan. Sounds like your husband is trying to be fair as well. In time the rest of the answers will come. Good luck to you.

Cassie67- I think my post sounded sort of glib. Today I walked on eggshells around hubbie thinking he was melancholy about the kids thing. My parents brought it up AGAIN at dinner tonight. I wanted you to know that I think I know how you feel. Hubbie hasn't left me and says he won't, but he admits he can't guarantee that he'll always be ok with this. This thing has shaken me to my very core and my beliefs about our rock-solid marriage. I'm in mourning for it because it's changing even though I don't want it to. Am thinking of you tonight and hope you're doing OK. Hang in there, girl, and take comfort in the fact that you WILL be ok after this is over. You were OK before you met your husband, and you will be OK again. And not have a baby that you didn't want. And that's a good thing.

I actually met my current husband when I was at the end of a bad 2 yr marriage at the age of 22. My current husband became a good friend to me while I was dealing with the divorce. He wanted more than friendship but it took me a year after I met him before I fell in love with him. I am not really sure that I was "OK" when I got together with my current husband. The first divorce was so recent. I had said at that time that I would like to focus on my own life for a while, but I couldn't help the feelings that developed between us. I was physically and emotionally attracted to him and it was hard to ignore that. We married 3 yrs later. I know I will be OK at some point down the road, as bad as things seem now. I will be moving to a state that I have wanted to move to for some time and it is far away from here. My immediate family all live there and I miss them terribly. I have a lot to do to reorganize my life, and I know there are new possibilities ahead for me. I also want to see other people once a period of healing has passed. I have a lot of love to give if someone is willing to return it unselfishly. But for now I need to focus on myself and my needs, which is actually a little weird for me to do. It seems that all of my life I have put the needs of others before my own. It is time for me to change that.