BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Something good about my life

I have one child. Originally we wanted two but changed our minds for various personal reasons. While I dread loss of my only and thus the loss of the parent/child relationship, there are some good things about this choice. I don't have to worry about sibling fights that cut into my time. I can give my daughter my undivided attention. We don't have to worry about being accused one way or the other of favoritism or neglect. We'll have more time and money for doing things besides bringing up baby, like to join a gym or travel. What are some of the good things in you ladies' lives, whether moms or childless or childfree?

Everything you mention about having one child was certainly true for me. I have siblings but they were grown and out of the house by the time I was born and seemed more like distant parents than brothers and sisters.

I always felt like an "only child" and really value the wonderful times I had with my mom growing up, and that she had time to do things with just me. Also, not having siblings forced me to get out as a kid and be more sociable. I always had many friends outside of the family and don't think this would have been the case if I had siblings my age.

You are so right, there are strengths in every situation. It's great you choose to focus on the positive aspects of your life. If everyone did that - realizing there are positives in every situation (many kids, one kid, no kids) and stopped being judgmental - the world would be a better place:) Thanks for your post!

spacecase - not to meddle, but would you care to share how you came to the decision to not have any more children? If that is too personal, feel free to ignore this question. But as a child-free-so-far woman, I am always interested in the stories of couples who have one child and then no more. I always wonder if parenthood wasn't what they expected, or if it is due to other reasons. Anyway, please don't feel obligated to answer. I'm so pleased to hear that you and your husband have a family life that makes you happy!

To tell you the truth, HereToTalk, I've been dying to share. The dynamics between me and my husband changed quite a bit after the birth of our daughter. We are from two different cultures, and I have come to dislike his native culture. Not the way they conduct themselves in the old country, I've been there twice, but here. I dislike the influence friends have on his life. I have been pleased with parenthood and it is what I expected. It is a lot of work, and I expected that. What that has any rewards in life doesn't take some effort? I wasn't prepared for the reaction I got from the community, though. It took me 18 months to become pregnant naturally. When I sought prenatal care, I got the most hateful reaction. Maybe if I'd had a male obgyn, things would have been different, but I find women in Boston to be hateful. Every single visit I was reminded of my child's risk for Downs' Syndrome (she doesn't have it, even if she did, I would have kept her). One suggested "a pregnancy ultrasound specialist...a generalist may misk certain defects. You're doing ultrasound, aren't you?". They all but sat on me to do a blood test I know from 16 years working in medical laboratories isn't that reliable and serves no therapeudic purpose. When I had my perfectly healthy so far daughter, I was referred to by my husband as a "government kiss [censored]" for refusing to apply for WIC vouchers (against the existence of the program, and WAY over the income cap). One "friend" from the old country complained about the baby constantly, another suggested I had no business keeping my daughter as I don't have extended family in the area to help. Truth be told, I am holding out until our daughter is in grammar school to seek divorce. Too much disrespect of cultural values between us. A second child would be the match in a powder keg, much as I wanted a sibling for our first. As far as the original topic, something good about my life, I have a male platonic friend I made on the night shift. By staying put for 3 more years, I can enjoy my friendship with him. Strictly a friendship, there is a significant age difference and even if either of us was available, we have different life styles and I wouldn't expect anyone else to run around after my daughter, but he's a wonderful work friend who shares ideas with me and only one time did we argue about a difference of opinion.