BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Yay us.

This forum is, for obvious reasons, full of postings from women going through a hard time. But I just wanted to say (maybe thanks to quite a bit of wine...) that I think everyone on here is pretty remarkable. Compare this forum to most others, and it's articulate, sensible, supportive...I think it's actually quite telling that a group of such intelligent women don't want children. We're the ones who've given this a lot (a LOT) of thought, and decided we love our lives as they are, rather than blindly and thoughtlessly having kids. It's a very hard decision to make, but we've all been brave enough to make it. I just wanted to say how brilliant you all are, and that this is a fantastic forum. I move out of the flat I share with my partner of eight years on 6th Feb because of this issue, and it's very very scary (the reason for the wine is that I've realised I'm terrible at occupying myself when he's not around at weekends!) But I'm clearly in excellent company, which makes me think maybe this really is the right decision, no matter how hard it is. I'm proud of us all - stick to your guns, ladies, and remember you're not alone!

What a wonderful post, Rosie. I agree, women who have thought through the aspects of having children really do go the distance.

It can be a rewarding experience, but I feel the sadness during a reading from so many women, that after the attention wears off, the kids grow up or the attempts to fill a void or relationship fails, there's still this crossroad of needing to go back and decide what to do with the situation.

I think having children as well as deciding there's more to having children than the commercials we see on tv featuring fairytale endings, really do take a self-less individual to think it through. Either way, it seems knowing who you are as an individual and fixing as many things within yourself as possible that may be broken or yet to be understood leads to the most fulfilling relationship possible no matter who it is you're with.

This is an excellent topic! I have a child but I also had a trainee at work who seemed to feel the need to justify to me why he didn't want any. I told him Kev, it really is your business, and I have a load of respect for those who seriously sit down and think the issue, not "Do I want a baby" but "Do I really want to spend the next 18+ years of my life parenting a child through all of life's stages?" For whatever reason, they decided "no" and I have a tremendous amount of respect for that. I know someone I suspect married young out of religious pressure, particularly from her egg donor (I'm sorry, but I know this woman and I hesitate to call her a mother). Her daughter I don't think had an opportunity to get a good hard look at who she was marrying, and just mindlessly had three kids by him. He turned out to not be very reliable, a gambler and drinker not home a lot. She took awhile to find another job after a loss, this one in a day care. This lady is working, going to college on a displaced homemaker program, and more or less parenting three kids with a minimum of assistance, most of that coming from the children's grandmother. Better to think than have children that wind up subsidized with an inappropriate partner.

Hi RosieM, what a wonderful post! I'm so sorry you have to break up with your bf because of the kid issue, especially after 8 years together. It's not easy, but hang in there!