BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Dr. Phil Show

I haven't posted in a while, but have been viewing posts for a while. I guess I needed some affirmation about my husband's and I decision to not have kids. I am so glad this forum exists and that I found it a few years ago. I has really helped me realize we are not alone in not wanting kids and that "nothing is wrong with me!" Thanks everyone!

Okay, now on to my main reason for writing. I just had to vent. I don't always watch Dr. Phil, but now that I am living overseas and not working, I have time to watch it when I am checking email etc. Anyway, I was watching his show on 'The modern family" and I was curious to see what he was going to say about the couple who have decided not to have children. The couple had been together for 10 years, married for three. I dont know how old they are, but they appeared to be in their late twenties or early thirties. They both worked, had a home in suburbs, had two beautiful boxers, and they seemed genuinely happy and content with their lives. They said that the had bought the house in the burbs assuming they would have children one day. Then they talked about it and realized that they loved their live and their lifestyle just as it is and that they do not desire children. Dr. Phil asked them if the reason they didn't want kids was because they didn't want to change their lifestyle. They said that no, the reason was that neither of them had the desire for children. Had no longing to be parents. Sounds good to me!

Dr. Phil started out giving good advice by saying that if they do not want children that they shouldn't give into pressure from society or parents etc. I was thinking to myself, Yeah, someone (even with kids) finally gets it! But then he had to go and ruin it by basically giving the standard line of "It is different when they are your own." Seriously, why does everyone have to say that? Of course it is different when they are your own, you can't give them back!!!!!

Dr. Phil told his story of not really wanting children one way or the other, but that his wife Robin was made to be a mother and so they had their first son. Then he had a vasectomy because he said one was enough and she agreed. Then seven years later Robin changed her mind a regretted the decision and so he had a reversal done. Then their second son was born. Dr. Phil then proceeded to say that they were the best things to ever happen to him and that he is so glad that he became a parent Blah blah blah.

I was so disappointed at this time. How could he go from saying if you don't want them, great. Stick to what you feel. And then turn around as say that he was like them but that parenthood was the greatest thing in the world. I wonder what he really thinks as compared to what he feels he should say for ratings.

I just hate that everyone assumes that those of us who decide to be childfree will change our minds at some point. Maybe Dr. Phil should go onto some of the Mom forums out there and see that not every mother loves being a Mom. Of course, he must already know that because he did bring up the fact that there is an increasing number of Moms who are speaking out that they do not like motherhood. Again, why would he tell them that it would be different when it is their own?

Sorry for the long post, but it just really irked me. I was hoping for more support from him and ended up disappointed. Thanks for reading and for all the support in this forum. It really helps:)

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

I saw that show, and I remember Robin saying that with the first child Dr. Phil didn't even want to go into the nursery to see the baby when he came home from work. Sounds like he REALLY did not want kids to begin with. Yeah, kids are a "blessing" and all, but I think Robin is the type of woman that doesn't mind doing 90% of the work involved in caring for babies. I am just not that kind of woman. In a way I guess it is true....when the kids are your own it is different. You do bond to them and love them with all you are, IF in fact you WANTED them in the first place. When you don't want them and you have them anyway there may be a chance that you will feel differently once the babies are born, but to me if I really don't want a child for "whatever" reason, I am going to resent that child messing up my life. You can't just have a baby and then walk away if you don't like it. Nobody has the right to try pressuring or influencing another person to have children that they don't want. It is a lifelong commitment. It doesn't even end when the kid reaches the age of 18.....I KNOW this. I have friends who b*tch to me all the time about how their ADULT kids are driving them crazy! It's far better to admit you enjoy your lifestyle as it is and don't want kids than to cave in and have the family you're going to resent later. Why subject innocent kids who don't have a say in the matter to parents that resent them, and maybe even neglect and abuse them out of frustration and anger over a comfortable life turned miserable. Dr. Phil probably did waffle around because of ratings. I would have respected him more if he had defended each position on having children as a positive thing no matter what choice that each couple makes, as long as the couple is in agreement and is happy with their life together.

I am also so tired of that "when they are yours..." comment. Of course you will feel differently about your own children! I feel differently about my own dogs than other people's - doesn't mean I want to get any more:)) Why do people need to point out "feeling differently" when it is not the point at all! The point is having options - having a choice! The point is that most people ARE capable of careful consideration of a life-changing decision, even if mainstream media tells us otherwise. Dr. Phil is surely appeasing his advertisers who have a self-sustaining interest in promoting the current pop culture kid-obsession.

BTWY, I was reading a disturbing article in this morning's newspaper about a professor and his wife who have a 6-year old daughter with violent schizophrenia, deemed too violent for institutionalized care, and how the husband and wife have given up their jobs, and are on welfare caring 24/7 for a child that is so unpredictable that she has to be separated from her brother,actually living in a separate apartment with the mother! It's obvious the parents love their daughter, but if given a glimpse into the future before her birth, who knows what decision they might have made...Knowledge that we will love our kids because they are our own is really not justification for foregoing careful consideration of the many various ways kids can change our lives, and deciding whether the commitment is right for us. In spite of how Dr. Phil spins it, the issue is personal, not political!