BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Losing a pet

A little over three weeks ago I lost my sweet, precious kitty. She was 10 years old and was losing weight. When I took her to the vet, we found out she had an abdominal mass that was most likely cancer. Within 4 days, we had to have her put to sleep. It was the worst decision I've ever had to make. And it was so fast! There are advantages and disadvantages to not having it drawn out over a long period of time. But for me, the result was utter and complete SHOCK.

It was right before Christmastime, which made it even more difficult. We had canceled our travel plans to visit family for the holidays when we found out she was sick, but everything happened so fast we were able to go anyway.

I really enjoyed my time away from home. I was distracted by family, fun, presents and general holiday cheer. We had to cut our trip short by one day due to weather. On the drive home, the snow was so bad we had to get a hotel room. The entire time I was dreading our return home.

Surprisingly, it wasn't so bad to be home. We only had a two day work week, followed by a four day weekend for New Year's. I looked forward to dinner with friends, and then 4 days of resting.

Well, these four days have been tough. I keep expecting her to walk around the corner, and I've even thought I saw her out of the corner of my eye. My husband and I usually take down our tree and decorations on New Year's Eve, or January 1, but this year we couldn't find the energy. Today is our last day off and we have to do it today. He is still in bed, and I'm downstairs trying to find the strength to get started.

I enjoy my job, but I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I've kinda been in a daze since she died, and I have several big projects coming up that I need to focus on. On top of all of this, I'm having post-holiday blues.

I know it hasn't been that long and most people will tell me my feelings are normal, but I feel like I'm still drowning in grief. Because it was "just a cat" to so many people, I don't feel like I can talk about it to many people. In our culture, we seem to have a time limit on grief, and after a certain point, people expect you to "get over it." Especially when it's a pet. No one has said a derogatory thing to me through all of this -- in fact, I was surprised at the outpouring of sympathy. But I have a pre-conceived idea about how long I can drag everyone around me down...

We don't have children, and we've been a family of four for more than 10 years now. We still have one cat left, but somehow that isn't as comforting as I hoped it would be.

I'm hoping someone out there has gone through this and has some advice on how I can get my life back on track. I purchased the pet grief book How to ROAR, but when I started reading it, it made me feel worse. I'm afraid to pick it up again.

Kim

"...Because it was "just a cat" to so many people, I don't feel like I can talk about it to many people."

Kim, you have my heart-felt sympathy. Loved pets are like family, sometimes more so. They are there when family for some reason or anothre may not be. I have had to put my two cats, both very old and sick, Sammy and Peggy to sleep and it was terrible. The last time my mother begged me not to get another cat because she saw how I suffered after each loss. I have kept my promise, more for selfish reasons than for my mom. The thought that I may lose yet another pet is just too much to bear. I had my Sammy from when he was just a kitten, I recieved my Peggy from an animal group that used to meet at the hospital where I worked. They all knew my Sammy and decided that I would be perfect for Peggy, an older cat whom no one wanted. They were right, she was perfect for me, but even she could not replace my beloved Sammy.

Like any other loss, the pain does go away, but you will never forget your baby. You did the right thing, you would not have wanted her to suffer. And it is O.K. to cry.

I wish you well.

I feel your pain. I lost my cat Simba last March; I had him for 14+ years. I rescued him from the pound and it was love at first sight. He was known as "Uncle" Simba to the other animals I had over the years. He was handsome and kind.

I noticed his behavior was kind of odd the weeks prior to his death. Staring at the wall over in a corner, for example. I took him to the vet and he was tested, but nothing. They believed he suffered a stroke. He was put on medicine and was doing wonderfully until one night when he started acting "weird" again.

I called the vet and they told me to keep him in the room with me and move things that may be knocked over. Sure enough in the middle of the night I heard him "crashing" into things. When I turned on the light he couldn't move his back legs and I knew he was in trouble. I picked him up and kept him in my arms talking to him the whole time...telling him how much I loved him and that it was ok for him to go into the light. He died in my arms and I bawled like a baby.

I had to go to work that day after spending the entire night comforting him and just looking at him after he died. I couldn't believe he was gone.

I had a box made for him and he rests peacefully under a tree on my property complete with a view of the Potomac River. (It was his favorite spot.) I planted forgetmenots and put a statue of an angel.

A few weeks ago a white cat with one blue eye and one green eye showed up at my door. Despite not wanting a cat, I decided she should stay, not as a replacement for Simba, but because I couldn't just turn her away. I named her Calypso...it goes well with my puppy's name: Penelope.

I wish you the best. It's perfectly normal to feel intense grief for an animal, especially for one you have had so long. I know, for I still am not over Simba.

Thank you for your quick responses. It's good to know I'm not alone.

I have cried off and on all afternoon. When we first got our ladies (who were littermates and just 8 weeks old back in 1999) we got personalized ornaments for them. It was really hard to put those away today. Really hard.

It hasn't been that long, really, so I guess it's OK to still feel like this. We have her ashes up on the refrigerator where she always loved to look down on us and scream for attention. I had framed photos of both of them that we took down for Christmas, so now her sweet face is back up on the wall in the living room. It is pretty hard to look at it, but I didn't want to erase her from our house and our lives either.

We have a sleeping kitty lawn ornament in our flower bed out front. It used to just be decorative, but now when I look at it, it looks like her to me. I want to get an angel this spring to stand next to it, or some kind of personalized marker. Even though she's not really out there. We rent, so we had no permanent place to take her, and we wanted her with us.

Our other cat has become much more affectionate, but it's still not the same. I can't pick her up and she doesn't like to sit on my lap. I used to cuddle with our other kitty, and she would knead on my shoulder and snuggle her head between my chin and my neck. I miss that so very much.

We aren't sure we should get another cat or not. We're worried about how the other one will feel. But I miss the closeness I had, and I would love to find a cat that loves to be held and petted and snuggled again. I guess if we're supposed to have another cat, one will show up, or we'll fall in love with one at the humane society's booth at PetSmart.

I just want to start feeling better. I've lost a few people over the past few years, and for what it's worth, none of those losses were as painful as this. I am just heartbroken.

It will be one month tomorrow since I lost my kitty. It seems like an eternity and yesterday at the same time.

I am still experiencing spontaneous bouts of grief. I still expect her to walk down the stairs or come around the corner. I still have trouble looking at pictures of her, even though my digital picture frame seems to think I should look at her more often. I am still in shock. I am still crying. I am still sad.

At this moment, it feels like I will never, ever be over her loss. I knew I was attached to her, but I didn't realized I was quite this attached.

I have found myself smiling and even laughing at memories when my husband and I are talking about her. But right now I am just as likely to burst into tears.

Over the years I have lost beloved pets and it is not easy to adjust to life without them. Only another pet owner who has loved and lost a companion can understand the grief we suffer.

I found a good site that may help those who have lost a pet:
Coping With Loss Of Pet

You have done the right thing to come to this forum and share your feelings. There are so many like us who have gone through the sorrow and grief of a lost and loved pet. Sharing our feelings about it is a step in healing.

While looking for an urn for her ashes (she is currently in a black and white tin, which is NOT her personality!), I found cremation jewelry. I hadn't heard of such a thing! I have fallen in love with a small sterling silver paw. I plan to put some of her ashes inside it, and a bit of her fur. It doesn't look like something that has ashes inside it. I like the idea of having her close to me...

I am also considering making a nice hardcover photo book of her and her sister through blurb or snapfish. To do that, I will have to be ready to go through all my old pictures of when she was just a sweet teeny kitten a decade ago. I'm not feeling up to that quite yet...

kim, thank you so much for your bravery and sharing, and for all the others who have offered support. a week before thanksgiving, my 8 yr old Frank Sinatra (he had bright blue eyes and deafness)got out again, but never came home. i don't know what's worse - having a pet die in your arms, or have them just disappear. one's imagination can be terrible.

i spent a week awake nearly 24/7 in case he'd come to the door as he had other times. i swore i heard him and got out of bed. i walked the neighborhood. i swear i've seen him. i thought i was doing pretty well, but writing this has brought another flood of tears, now months later.

Moochi has never been an only cat, and walked around the house yowling for his brother for weeks. he demands a lot of attention now.he's nearly 14. i think i want a break from cats for a while. the last time i tried cat free living, i got hysterical at every cat food commercial! it'll be all i can do to live thru losing Mooch. i'm getting way too old for this stuff!

thanks for being there, y'all.

sniff

Please, when you lose a beloved pet, remember to think of the other animals that have been left behind. I have 2 dogs, and I can't bear to think of loosing one of them. But how will my other dog cope, loosing his life long companion? Try to be their rock. Nature is beautiful, but can be soo hard.....