BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids war with sister-in-law over not having kids

anyone who has read my previous posts knows 4 out of 5 of my sisters-in-law have not handled my choice to remain child free well. they have basically outcast my husband and I. but before they did that they harassed me non-stop. here is the latest ordeal...

argh! why? ok. so a friend was surfing myspace and facebook and she found my baby-crazy sister-in-law's page which contains a whole lot of content about me and my "evil ways" of not having babies. to my mortification, she has it so everyone can view it and even listed people I went to high school with as her friends. they dont need to know my business. my husband and I haven't confronted her on this yet. dont think she would cut it out even if I asked. I have just been checking her posts on a daily basis.

any suggestions? the only leverage I feel I have is to threaten to sue her for money I leant her couple years ago that she promised to repay (in writing) but hasn't if she doesn't remove all info related to me. omg! what if people at work come across it eventually? we have the same last name!

P.S - is her life realling so boring that all she has to do besides change diapers is talk about me?????

it is your business and none of hers if you choose to have kids or not. It is her problem if she has a problem with it but why are you giving her power. I would ignore her and stop checking her pages on FB to see what she wrote. Some people thrive on gossip so maybe right now her life is boring that she feels she must gossip. You would think a child would keep her busy enough.

WOW. I am so angry for you. Who does she think she is? And boy, talk about someone with too much time on her hands obsessing about your personal choices...grrrrr. Question: Is this your husband's sister? If so, I think your husband should be the one to handle this and stick up for you. What kind of stuff is she writing on Facebook- along the lines of, "Tsk, tsk, she's not having any children.."? Or really slamming / defaming you as a person? Did she really use the words "evil ways"? Sorry, I'm too busy picking my jaw up off the floor. Yes, I think you should sue her for the money.

hey Periwinkle,

first, she wrote down my full name. why? who knows! "evil ways" is the joke my mom and I say to each other. she said that I am a money-hungry corporate slave who has corrupted her brother into not wanting kids. she said that I am going against the church by not reproducing, she is convinced that I will regret my decision much later in life. she refered to me as selfish, posh,vain,cold-hearted and my favorite term "totally plastic and lacking moral substance"
hmmmm, so I guess when we loaned out that money to help her out, that was really selfish and coldhearted thing to do!

honestly, I know people gossip and I know I was simply raised differently than her. the main reason this bothers me is because I am afraid of my co-workers stumbling across it, or the people I do business with.

we have not had contact with her for a while. she is also the one who sent therapist business cards to me in the mail. My husband and I just spoke and he is going to call her. the action we take we be based on how she responds.

Heh- it sounds more like she's jealous of you than anything else..."posh", "plastic"...."corporate slave." And let me guess, she thinks she's doing the morally right thing by trying to save you from yourself. What a piece of work. Tell you one thing- if I saw someone on Facebook going on and on about a person like this, I would be much more likely to think she was nuts, because what she says- says more about her than about you. I wonder if you can report her on Facebook for defaming you / abusive content? I don't know much about how this works, can someone on this board help? There is another CF board I frequent (childfree ezboard) where the posters would be mad as heck and may be able to give you some good ideas. How close are your coworkers / business contacts to her and what is the likelihood that they would be her Facebook friends? I think that right now, you and your husband are handling this very well. Your husband definitely should speak to her and be the one handling this matter and hopefully you are a united front. She needs to know that your husband is a grown man who decided all by himself that he did not want kids, not that you "corrupted him" into it. Best of luck and let us know how it goes.

So...WOW! It's difficult for me to believe that a person would do this. Obviously SHE has a strong issue with your decision, and has a rather low opinion of you. Not everyone will like or agree with your decisions;slander, however, is illegal. I would sue her for both the owed money and the slanderous comments without a doubt. How could another person's life decision that HURTS NO ONE anger someone to that extent? It sounds to be like she's envious of your freedom and accomplishments. How sad for her. If she was truly happy with her life I don't think she would have that much hatred inside of her...just my take.

P.S. If I saw those type of statements on a grown woman's page...I would be more likely to think that she was insane, than to think anything about the person they were slandering...either that or I would ask ,"what did this person do that has you so angry?"

Also, maybe you can make a myspace and type your name in as poshnplastic... and friend request her...just for fun!

Wow. I don't have any relatives like this, and I'm sorry to say, that while she does probably appear catty to most people---I'm also afraid that most of her lady friends are right there, waiting to board that "thinking YOU are the wierd sil" boat. I'm so sorry, though. She definitely sounds jealous to me. If it were me, I would totally call her out on this, but I'm pretty vindictive! I would even copy and paste some stuff too, because I'm sure the minute you mention it, the comments will all mysteriously disappear. Gosh, I would post right on her facebook, in a really "hurt" tone, so all of her friends could see what a mean, nasty she is. I would also use some passive-aggressive statements like, "I would never dream of belittling your choice to have (x-amount) kids in (insert situation here). But like I said, I can be just wretched sometimes. You don't want to end up like me! The high road would probably involve having your husband tell them that the harrassment MUST stop, or all contact will be cut off. The only question would be whether that is something that is feasible for you both. Honestly, it doesn't sound like there is any hope of ever having a decent relationship with this woman. I'm not really sure that you'd be missing out on much either.

Wow... Just wow...

Like someone else said, I also believe she's jealous of you.

Before you call her, be sure to screenshoot the pages.

It's sad that instead of people coming to your rescue, they just say nothing at all. I too would think she was insane for going that far but I don't think most people are going to think that. They're going to sympathize with her. She's made you to look like some sort of controlling monster and they're going to be believe you're doing wrong against your husband. Although it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, I can definitely understand why you're angry. I would be too.

Like someone else suggested, threaten to sue her for slander. And go through with it if you need to.

It's best you keep that woman out of your life completely. Even though being in contact with his family would make that somewhat difficult I'm sure.
It's possible your threatening her with a lawsuit will not sit well with the rest of his family. Prepare for backlash in any case.

Keep us updated. Hope she cooperates and stops her foolishness.

I was wondering that too- why don't other people say something and defend you? Marie, you mentioned that your friend saw her page- what did she / he seem to think about what your SIL was saying? And that was a good point made by LivingDeadCupcake and Jellyroll, she could have friends in her circle that are just like her (shudder) that jump on the evil sister in law bandwagon. Were they commenting?