BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Step-parenting in age-gap relationships

So, my partner and I have a 30 year age-gap, putting me around the same age as his children. The oldest one is less than 2 years younger than me, and he's the one we talk to the most. It's a little weird, takes a little getting used to, but essentially, all around, it's good. Anyone else in a similar situation, or is it just me? Heh. His_Einna

25 year age gap here (I'm 25), and I have no kids nor do I want. His son is slightly younger than me. The maturity thing for me was a big deal. His son has straightened up a lot (the Marines helped), but at first, I was light years beyond his son and felt like my husband should expect more from him. Yeah, it's awkward, but only when talking about it to strangers. His son now knows that I take really good care of his Dad, and knows I don't have some ulterior motive like money (which would be the assumption of most protective children). His son has a child now, so that is off-putting. I am already decided about most everything, and set in my ways. Although I'm young, I won't be changing my mind. I would say, mostly, it's comforting to know I am with someone who won't be going through a midlife crisis or any other such life-altering episodes! I am willing to deal with the awkwardness and the stares, as well as the occasional, "And your daughter would like?"

Lol, I know exactly what you mean! I find it very reassuring that my other half has already had a midlife crisis or two, so that's not a problem, we don't have to worry about accidental pregnancies (he joined the seedless grapes club after his third child was born) and he's been around enough (married twice, other relationships) that I know he knows what he wants, so when he says he's found it with me, I'm reassured. It's wonderful! And yes, the looks we get sometimes are hilarious. Although we do live in a very small town, so the shock factor's warn off now. Darn. ;-p

I have been in a marriage for almost 3 decades. He's older than me by about 11 years. I enjoy the kids we had together, but his older children (his oldest daughter is about 6 years younger than me) are rude to me. This is my first marriage and my last I hope. I wasn't anywhere around when he walked out on his first family. I came into his life much later, but I am blamed for everything. His mother was a hellion and destroyed every single relationship he had with a sweetheart; no surprise, she tried to do the same with me, but failed big time. I found out just how much his side of the family dislikes me about 5 years ago. Wouldn't you know it he keeps in touch with his first family on facebook, and without telling me. I found out by accident. and no I am not invited.

I'm 24 (soon to be 25) and my stepson is...fifteen. :/ Yeah, it is weird. :/ Although, I have a different situation than most because he has no mom in his life (she skipped out on him when he was very young, so he has never had a mom figure in his life at all)...which means, I don't have anyone to be compared to or to compete with! Also, because he is permanently with us (not splitting time between houses) it makes it easier because I pretty much am *the mom* meaning there is no "but my mom lets me" or "I don't have to listen to you because you're not my mom", I mean I don't get any of that stuff. What I say goes because this is the only house and I'm the only parent besides dad, and dad is away on business a LOT so it's pretty much all me! (Before we married, his dad used to get those nanny services to come in for the weeks he'd be on business, and stepson HATED that- having a sitter at 15 years old- so he is much happier having me around than having a babysitter.) But the age gap itself IS pretty awkward. At first everyone (friends, family) was telling me not to hug him, don't be too affectionate, etc because he could get the wrong idea. But after a while I was like, "You know what? This boy has never had a mom- he needs a mom!". Honestly I try not to worry about it too much. It is awkward to give him a hug but I think that will go away over time and I think that we need to feel like a real family. I am lucky in those ways but even with that it is very awkward because we have only been married a few short months and we are not completely used to each other, and stepson seems shy around me still, and to be honest I am pretty shy around him sometimes because I don't always know what to talk about lol.