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#573158 12/28/09 02:46 AM
Joined: Dec 2009
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Hi, This is my very first post here. I just found this place and it seem like a great one. Well, here is my story and I need advice. About 2 years ago I met this lady at work, and fell in love so bad. I was 30 and she was 50 y.o. I always wondered what it would be to be with another woman, but never met one, so I pushed all these thoughts away from my mind.. It is a long story that I would try to make short, but when I met C. my marriage was falling apart and I was in a bad spot, period, so she said all the sweet things there are and I was so in love. Month after we met she asked me to move in with her, me and my baby, which was 2 at the time. We did ( stupid from me, I know ). It was OK staying there, however, it didn't last very long, a month after she literally kicked me out and broke my heart. At the same time I started seeing more and more from her and I didn't liked what I sow.. in another situation I would have run away, but with her I couldn't. I could not have been more in love with her. To continue the story, we didn't talk for a little while, but then she got sick and called me of the blue to go take care for her. I went and we reestablish contact again. At the mean time she got together with another girl, that she loved talking to me about and I was there listening to her while my heart was breaking apart at the same time. We kept sleeping together from time to time and spend time only when she wanted. I begged her to come back to me and gave her all I had. She always said that the other girl she is dating has more and would take a better care of her.. I felt bad and would try to give C. more and more... it started with fancy restaurants and then got her clothes and anything she needed. She got to hooked on the L word.. she only had the one season at the time and I got her the rest with the promised that we would watch it together and it never happened. Since we both worked at the same place all people there seen how she used me and told me to get away and that I have a child and needed my money. We both only worked at a store, so we wasn't making a lot, but all I had, all of my tax returns and savings went to her. Every time I was ordering her shrimps and ribs for lunch I only had snacks as I can't really afford to get anything else.. I can't even think of all the way she played with me.. she just had this power over me and I could not say no to anything she asked. And, as my co workers said, she knew that very well. She didn't like when I was calling her, never had time for me, only called me back to go and pick her up and take her to dinner.. Then I had to leave eveything I am doing right away, find a friend to bring my child to be babysat and run to pick her up. ( she wont even drive her car, didn't want to spend her gas )...She always told me that if I don't get to her right away she is not willing to come anymore.. I can give a lot of examples, but I don't want to bore anyone... I finally snapped from her spell.. but I had to leave my job and the state.. this was the only way I knew I had a chance to get away from her. I often said myself before that I'm done with her, but she found her way back to me in no time at all. I have last seen her 6 months ago, before I left. Didn't tell her that she was the reason I left... Since then, I started school, finished my first semester wonderfully and getting ready to go back and continue school. My main reason is my child, which is in the first place and providing a better future for both of us. I may get my old job back and I have to face her again.. and I don't hate her, wouldn't mind talking to her at work or so, but I do not want anything more. She always could intimidate me so well and is used to the fact that I do all she says. I know she is going to be very mean to me if she don't get what she wants. I just need advice how to handle being around her.. We have spoke couple of times since I left and I told her I still loved her.. so I don't know what she is thinking. I know her well now and I know that if I tell her, that I don't want us to be anything she would get mad and stop talking to me, start ignoring me.. and she would get me where she wanted me to be, in the past. I just really don't know how to face her.. what to tell her. And I have another question. Has that happened to anyone else in the past, with their first love of the same sex? I feel kind of stupid for leeting that happened to me. Someone told me, that I got it so bad for C., because she was the first person I met that was lesbian and I would have fallen in love with anybody. It might be right for me, because she is not even my type of woman.. but at that time I thought there wasn't anything more beautiful than her in the world.. I am happy now, being a mommy and working and most of all being in college. If anyone wants to talk to me I would be happy to make some new friends. Thanks for reading my venting :) Happy New Year everyone.

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Joined: Dec 2008
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I am straight, but I had to answer your post, because I think what you explain here has nothing to do with gay relationships first or last, it has to do with giving up power, and you have given way too much power over to this woman. You are afraid of her and of her reactions, even afraid that she ignores you (which is actually the best thing that could happen). I would go on with my life pretending she never existed, minding my own business. Probably you were in a very delicate situation when you met her and maybe that is why you dragged yourself into such a toxic relationship, but I think you really need to work on your self esteem or you will get hurt again. People who love you are nice to you, run away from those who are not.
I wish you get over this as fast as possible, get on with your life as it is, and raise your standards when it comes to starting a new relationship.

Happy New Year to you too.

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 4,607
Elephant
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I agree whole heartidly with Solalux.


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