BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships ok to dumb down conversations with friends?

sometimes I get very annoyed with one of my friends. we go out to dinner once a month to chat and catch up, but I always leave feeling like a bimbo. I can never have an intelligent conversation with her.
I like to share views and learn from a conversation. she wants to talk about shows she watched on E! or talk about something she wants to buy at the mall. if I try to talk about anything like current events (like the guy who shot those cops in WA) she shuts down and loses interest.
so we met today, I talked about scented lotions,sunglasses, and calories. and I also learned a lot about the new melrose place, one tree hill and that the lady a couple tables had the wrong hair cut for her bone structure.

I am not looking to discuss rocket science, but I would like to talk about something with actual substance.

my question is, are we actually friends or are we kidding ourselves? is it right to act superficial and pretend not to know things so the person you're with won't feel dumb?

You either talk about what she wants to, or don't talk at all. And when you find a friend who is really interested in the things you are, and wants to talk with you about them, cherish her!
Not everybody is on the same track, mentally or interest-wise. Your friend must have something that keeps you coming back to her, so just relax and enjoy that.

What are some of her positive qualities that you do enjoy? Ask yourself if she needed you, would you want to be there for her? Why do you care about her?

You do need some common ground whether it is just caring about each other. Are there topics that appeal to both of you? Everyone has some things in common: family, health, etc.

You say you only meet once a month so surely, you can fill the time and catch up with personal matters.

You have to ask yourself what you want out of this--or any other--friendship. Intellectual stimulation? Trust and caring? Entertainment?

Ask yourself what is YOUR definition of true friendship. Then, build upon that.

I have friends who aren't very brilliant, but they are good people. I value that. I am not interested in Survivor episodes and such, so I steer the conversation toward mutually interesting topics. Frankly, some current events (crime in particular) do not interest me either. Does that make me dumb?

As for "dumb"...there are many types of intelligence. We're all dumb in one way or another. And we're all intelligent in our own way. Experience brings intelligence and wisdom and we have our own experiences to grow on.

Find your friend's gifts and you'll be awestruck.

we have been friends since middle school. we have alot of history together. the truth is I am her only friend. she likes that I am not intimidated by her beauty. (she actually said that to me)
I think the big thing is that after graduating high school, she stopped trying to learn. she wants to be Paris Hilton or a Kardashion so she acted like them and ta-da 9 years later she fits the mold.
she says stuff like, "who is Joe Biden?" "you dont have to make your car payment if you didn't drive it last month."

Flutterfly,
I am not trying to say you or anyone else is dumb. I am just annoyed that I have pretend not to know things and talk about lots of superficial things. she is not interested in hearing about my boring corporate job, whats new in my family or stuff like that. I was telling her about an audit I did at work and she interupted me to say "that sounds so boring" and then changed the subject to talk about Coach purses.

I think the biggest reason I have remained friends with her is because both of us plan to remain child-free.

LOL.

She needs to show interest in your conversational topics if she wants you to do the same. Friendship is mutual.

Sadly, sometimes people just grow apart. Then maintaining that friendship becomes laborious and the resulting relationship is superficial and empty.

There is nothing wrong with widening your circle and being less available. This way, the friendship isn't terminated completely just put at an arm's length. If she asks, be honest and tell her that you don't have much in common anymore. How can she argue with that? No blame, no fault-finding.

You know you need to part ways if you dread or regret every meeting.

Sounds like a very selfish "friend"...you only meet once a month, talk about stuff that only SHE likes, shows no interest in YOUR life or job or your likes.... i think she just uses u to vent... you say you are her only friend and theres probably a reason to that..and not because you are "not intimidated by her beauty" BS... im sure there are alot of beautiful women out there who can be better friends and who are not stuck in the whole high school drama.... i say cut the girl loose little by little... who cares how long you have been "friends" for

Lol,

I had a friend like that once. She wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer but she was someone to hang out with. Some people are just basic and that makes for dull. She was ok to go to Kmart with but other then that she just talked about her bf and what was on sale.

I had a high school friend that used to call me and go on rants for an hour and I could not get a word in edgewise. I could walk away from the phone for 5 minutes and she would still be talking. Finally I stopped returning her calls. She was just too heavy for me.

It is ok to drop a friend that does not suit you. I would rather be alone then with someone that isn't interested in me or interesting to talk with. It doesn't make them a bad person, just not for you. I admit I felt bad about the friend from high school but she was dragging me down.

Good Luck

I try not to hang out with friends like that because I actually tend to get uncomfortable by "dumbing down" conversation - and it does get tiresome after awhile pretending to be something that I'm not. If it's a true friend, then its someone on equal conversation levels with me.