BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids New here,

Hello all, I am a single man. I don't wand to have kids, simply because I like the way my life are at the moment and do not see a reason to change them. In additon, my career is very important to me as my freedom and the ability to change things without being limited. What I have recently saw is that old women (end of their 30's and beginning of their 40's) are not sure if they want to have children or still want to have children. These women appearently do not consider or are not aware to the follwing facts: [list [*]How will the child feel at the age of 10 when his parents would be in their early 50's? [*]Very important: The proability for Down Syndrome or other born defects are raising exponentially above the age of 35. So I am asking myself where is the brain of these women? will they first bring the child th the world and then will they ask what will happen with the child? Bring a child to the world is much more than being pregnant.Many people don't ask themselves if they are really suitable to be parents. If they will be able to provide the child? educate the child properly? Many people just surrender to social pressure or pressure from their family. It is really a shame!

I met men thinking the same way as women you describe- because they are able to be fathers longer, they have kids in their 40s and over. And I remember my friend from high school, when her old father died and how devastated she was. It's not only female idea to become parents late.

I admit that I am selfish and egoist. I am very honest to say that I do not want to have children already from the start. But what is more pathetic and sick are women who want to have children at the ages I described in the previous post, just for the sake of seeing if their uterus can work properly without thinking for a moment about the consequences I described in the previous post.

well, I think a lot of women have healthy kids in their late 30's, as long as they take care of themselves and are followed properly. Also, if you are healthy and remain active, you can be 50 and look and feel good, so whether you have a 10 or 20 year old kid is beside the point. I think the question is more about patience and tolerance as you get older. In my opinion, the older you get, the less you have of those qualities, which you need in big quantities to be able to raise a child properly.

I have to agree that it's riskier to have kids later in life and the reasoning behind such a decision should be carefully considered. My mom had me in her 40's and we both had some health issues due to that. Her reasons for having a kid late had to do with fear at seeing my brothers getting ready to leave the nest and really not knowing what to do with her life without kids around. It's certainly harder to have teenage kids around when you are in your 50's. People should think about whether they'll have the energy to parent teens. My parents didn't:))

A woman can have children as a rule till her early forties. It has always been like that. Before birth control, and that is pretty much throughout history, women kept having children till that age. A woman at that age is, especially in the 21st century still young. There might be extra risks, but again, in our time, all can be monitored and there are a lot of women out there who have great healthy kids late. Being 60 when your kid graduates from high school is not such a terrible thing, and again not new. I bet the youngest siblings of the baby boom generation (or the youngest siblings in any big family) had more often than not mothers in their sixties. WOMEN HAVE ALWAYS HAD KIDS TILL LATE IN LIFE. The only difference nowadays is that they have the FIRST one at that age always oftener. Which again, I don't see why it is such a terrible deal. In my country life expectancy for women is over 80.

On the other hand, men can theoretically have children till they die. Anthony Quinn or Julio Iglesias's father had children when they were almost 90, and died when the kids were still toddlers. Mother Nature doesn't allow women to take such irresponsible reproductive choices.

I agree with Solalux, women would always have had children until they were physically unable. Nowadays it is more common for women to have their first baby at that age, which seems to be the source of some problems. Back in the day, women would also have been more physically fit, no desk jobs etc., which probably made birth easier. Plus babies had smaller heads back then! There is also a phenomenon whereby a woman's fertility has a final boost before menopause and I know one person who had their first baby by accident at 45. You are apparently also more likely to have twins the older you are. Men's reproductive choices seem, as ever, to be beyond reproach.

I agree with both you. If a women decides to have kids late it's best to talk with the partner and make sure that's really what you want to deal with in your later years then great! Some people realize that it's not after all, but still need to find energy and time to help the kids through their lives, even if into their 70's and 80's. I don't think it's a matter to take lightly in spite of having the physical ability to give birth at a later age..

Just to play the devil's advocate here (being very happily CF myself), there is a discrepancy between the social norms of reproduction and the biological ones. I'm a Biologist by trade (population genetics), and if a woman asked me what age she should be making babies to ensure its health and hers is at it's optimumm I'd tell her "19 years old." However, I think most of us would be hard pressed to start telling 19 year old girls to hurry up and make babies. Likewise, if someone asked me at what age I would stop making babies, again for optimal health of both baby and mother, I'd say "age 30." I know most people hear age 35, because that's apparently the magic number they came up with for increasing the risk of Down syndrome, but there are a lot more genetic and environmental (womb conditions) problems that begin around age 30. I've told all the naysayers that insist I'll change my mind about having kids that if I don't do it by age 30, it ain't gonna happen. It's a game of Russian Roulette I'm not willing to play. Of course, I managed to get my tubes tied when I was 24 (currently age 27), so the point is moot for me. However, I'm also probably a rarity in this day and age, having the ability to reproduce with society's approval at 21, which is when I got married. What about all the women who aren't married by age 30, but also don't want to have children without a partner? I'm not sure I have the right to tell them that once they do manage to find someone at 35 that they shouldn't have children. Truthfully, it's a dilemma my older sister is facing. She's going to be 30 in 2 months, has never been married, and really wants to have children. But, she's done what society has told her and has "waited." Well, I'm afraid that my over-educated brain and it's lack of a filter before it reaches my mouth have given her a complex about having children past 30. She told us she is seriously considering going to a sperm bank. She has the means to support a baby, no problem. Our mother thinks she is insane. The geneticist in me thinks it's a great idea. However, the happily married, CF woman who can't even imagine having a baby also thinks she is a little off her rocker. But, I mean, what else can she do? I don't have the answers. Does anyone? Should we start telling women to go back to the days of marrying young and making babies, and if they are lucky they can get educations and careers later? I'm not gonna tell them that. Are you? ::sigh:: But, yes, it does creep me out when I hear of women making babies at 40. Men too. More and more studies are disproving the theory that men can have healthy offspring at any age. I told my sister to make sure the donor was under under 30.