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not sure which direction to go with this one... I have a close friend with 2 kids--son is 19 and daughter is 8. I feel that it's not my place to point things out and don't want to accuse anyone. I feel that things may be starting to come to a head after a recent doctor appointment. Their doc wanted to check the girl's private area and she absolutely refused. This is the 2nd time this has happened--the 1st was several years ago. At the same clinic, my (2) girls' doctors only checked them when they were babies. This all started, I believe, when my friend's daughter was about 2 years old. She always had bad diaper rash. At about 3 or so, they told me about her sticking markers and things in herself. My friend thought her daughter may have seen her changing a tampon, or something. Also, they told me about her bouncing a life-sized stuffed animal up and down between her legs. Are they really this stupid?!! Or am I in the wrong? Now, 8 years old and 110 pounds, this girl has tried a number of inappropriate things with my 7 year old daughter. My friend's daughter doesn't have much self-confidence, or many friends and tends to be quite the bully at times. She already has a lot knowledge of the how babies are made, sex (including oral), diseases, love, etc. My friend says that she is just honest when her daughter asks a question. I believe that there is a line there between being honest and age-appropriateness!! I've done a lot of research lately on the whole child abuse thing and have only mentioned several of the fitting signs. Thanks for listening! What should I do?

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That is a very serious accusation. I would be cautious if you even question that you might be wrong.

When I was a child, my neighbors who were also my friends, were being consistently sexually abused by their father. I was so clueless. If I had really known, I would have done something, but I was so clueless. When I look back on it with my knowledge now, though, they showed all the signs. One definite thing that I remember is how my friend played with dolls. It was weird to me because I knew nothing about sex.

Their father also hit on me several times, but I was raised to say no and thought nothing of it. He successfully molested several children in the area, but I didn't know. It was a big secret for a while. I never thought what it would be like if I had been raised by that man to never say no. Are there any men in her life that you make you question what they are doing? The brother, maybe?

I would call a Hotline. They would have some specific advice to tell you in this case. It is such a dreadful topic to bring up with a friend and could have devastating consequences, so I would ask a professional.

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Amoeba
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I would definitely bring up the issues and take any actions you feel are necessary. Call child services and tell them what you know/suspect and let them make the decision. You are suspicious enough to bring this up and ask for advice, so my guess is that you already have a pretty good idea what is really going on.

Do you really want to leave innocent children in that situation because you might be embarrassed if you are wrong? Better to err on the side of the child is my stance. If it is a psychological problem and not an abuse situation then the appropriate solutions will be dealt with as well.

This is only my opinion, and the decision is yours, but I have been in your position and have dealt with the same emotions and doubts you have.

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I agree with what everyone has shared so far in their responses.

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Wow. This sounds like me. It feels like I am looking back on my life.... as in about 45-50 years ago. Yeah; I'd definitely report it and let those in the proper authoritative positions investigate. If someone had been able to do this years ago for my family, many, many victims would have been spared. Unfortunately for us all, my father was sooooo scarey and intimidating that no one got up the courage to remember/say anything until about 2 1/2 years ago.... Nearly 4 years after he died. Justice?????? Not in this world; but if he didn't repent and believe, he has more than he can handle now. That actually does bring me some level of comfort.

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Yes, possibly the brother...1/2 brother from their mother's previous (abusive) marriage. I DO agree that the accusations are serious, but it is now affecting MY child. I'm not sure how long I can remain silent. When I asked my friend about the possibility of someone touching her daughter inappropriately, she said she had suspected something strange with her son, but also that her husband would kill him! Could all of this come about from the girl just SEEING things that she shouldn't have...magazines, TV, etc.? Thanks for your help!

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I don't feel you have any time to lose in reporting this potential problem. It is possible that lives are at stake also; it's just not something that can be evaluated by a neighbor or friend, etc. The authorities need to be notified; I'm sure you can do so anonymously. Having lived in an abusive and very dangerous situation, I am speaking from experience when I genuinely ask you to do the best thing and report it. You aren't deciding who is or is not guilty of anything; that isn't your job. What you would be doing is trying to protect innocent people; you aren't making accusations. You are observing a potentially dangerous situation and are concerned as you well should be. Please consider taking action in this matter; it scares me just thinking about it!

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oh gosh, I'm your daughter. But at least you're a good mum. If you sense something, then do what you believe is right. I had a couple of friends in primary school that knew too many things for their age... and after a period of time, I became involved with them individually and did things with them I wish I'd never done. Eventually one was taken away from her mother and the other moved. I think I supressed alot from that time untilIi was in high school and one night I woke up from sleeping in a cold sweat and remembered everything. I started thinking i must have been a lesbian.. why else would I do those things! I told my mother and she said get over it, and it wasn't until years later that I met a wonderful man who was willing to listen and help me. I wouldn't let your daughter go there anymore. You're instict is there for a reason I say. Sorry to hear about this. xx

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Originally Posted By: spirit31
Could all of this come about from the girl just SEEING things that she shouldn't have...magazines, TV, etc.?
Thanks for your help!


I know I am so late coming into this; but no - it is doubtful that her behavior would be this extreme from just seeing her brother doing something. Also, you have also said there was some physical evidenc; rashes and such.

This child is being abused by someone and needs to be rescued. If the mother is afraid the father will kill the brother - then he will be much safer when he is in custody anyway. The person that needs to be protected above all others right now though is that poor little girl.


Michelle Taylor
Marriage Editor

Moderated by  ELS - Child Abuse Editor 

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