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Is my husband weird? #565609 11/19/09 05:11 AM
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Melly1980 Offline OP
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I need to get this off my chest! Most women on this forum talk about how their husbands want them to have children etc etc but my situation is very different! My husband is dead against them; he always has been and always will be. We've been married for almost 5 years and his views on remaining childless have only grown stronger. This used to bother me, but it doesn't anymore, I really don't think I want children but I'm not sure if I will feel that way in years to come? Is anyone else in the same situation? I'd love to hear your thoughts :lovers:

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Re: Is my husband weird? [Re: Melly1980] #565616 11/19/09 06:10 AM
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My partner does not want children either. i think with time i will probably want them. my mother once told me that when men dont want children when they are young, they will finally decide to have them when they are in their 50's and have them with some 27 year old lol. not saying this will happen! how old are you? i am 28 and i dont want them either and I have always had weak maternal instincts. but i dont know 28 and 35 and 40 is a big difference. I will be a pretty different woman by then. so who knows.

Re: Is my husband weird? [Re: Jupiter81] #565691 11/19/09 02:36 PM
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First of all, your husband is not "weird" any more than the childfree women who post here are "weird" for not wanting kids. (Or "weird" if they do want kids.) It's simply a personal decision about something that very profoundly affects your life. Did you know this about your husband when you married him? Have you guys really sat down and discussed the kid issue? Yes, there are some people who do change over time and decide they want kids, but it's not safe to assume that will happen. Some of us only become more certain about the decision to remain childfree. I'm really of the mind that when two people aren't on the same page about this issue, it can't work. If one partner wants kids and the other doesn't, when one person does get their "way" whether it's kids or no kids, the other person will end up resentful. I'd suggest doing some real soul searching on the subject to decide if you really think you will want kids. Spend time around your friends' children to get a better idea of what really goes into raising them. Think about how the childcare would be split up in your household even if you and your husband were on the same side of the issue. Or circumstances that no one wants to think of, but should, like- if the child is born with special needs / disability, does that change your decision? Or what would happen down the road if you split up- would you be okay with being a single mother? There's a lot to consider. Good luck.

Re: Is my husband weird? [Re: Periwinkle] #565813 11/19/09 08:14 PM
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Most women in this forum have the opposite problem as you because this is a married no kids forum in a women webside, in a non-gender oriented childree website, I bet they are at least 50%. Funny you think your husband is weird for not wanting children, because I have always been under the impression that society accepts a lot better that there are men who don't want children. Women who don't want children are pretty much invisible in the media.

Re: Is my husband weird? [Re: Melly1980] #565850 11/20/09 01:18 AM
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Lori B - Editor MNK Offline
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No, your husband isn't weird, but he may know what he wants and needs more than people whom are pressured by society to reproduce. You do need to really do some soul-searching. If you do think you want to have kids, it's really very likely that he won't change as he gets older, so you'll have to decide...

My husband, adamantly, never wanted kids and still doesn't. There was a time I thought I might have to leave the relationship because I did want them, if only for a very short time. I found out that I had a medical issue that would make pregnancy difficult and dangerous and I decided that I really didn't want to have a lot of medical intervention to have a kid, so I figured things must be working out pretty much how they should be:)) We're still together and appreciate our kid-free life and are pretty happy overall.

Last edited by Lori B - Editor MNK; 11/20/09 01:18 AM.
Re: Is my husband weird? [Re: Lori B - Editor MNK] #565896 11/20/09 10:12 AM
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Melly1980 Offline OP
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Thank you all for your thoughts, they've given me something to think about. Jupiter81, I will be 30 in Feb and my husband will be 32 in March. Periwinkle, yes, I DID know he didn't want children, I've known all along. Lori B, you've hit the nail on the head about pressure by society! My best friend once said to me "Life is not worth living without children, my life really didn't start until I had my son". What if I couldn't have children due to a condition or illness? Am I supposed to jump off a cliff because life isn't worth living? I am content to be married with no kids, I just don't know how I'll feel in 5 years time?

Re: Is my husband weird? [Re: Melly1980] #565928 11/20/09 02:46 PM
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Life is not worth living without children? What? I doubt that very much. My life started a long time ago, having kids is another milestone in life, not my reason for being.

Mine wouldn't be worth living without children at this point, but I have kids, so being without them would be devastating. My life before I had kids was great, too. I LOVED being single, loved being in love, loved living alone and going for crazy weekend trips with my dog to Florida and sleeping in my car among all the other adventures I had...it goes on and on. I chose to have children, I just didn't expect so much.

If you are content as is, then I would remain that way unless you absolutely want it. If you don't, you may resent it and/or him, which would not create a very content atmosphere. Having children is (or should be) a very big decision for everyone and is not to be taken lightly...it's very much like a box of chocolates because you never know what you'll get or how many (in my case anyway).

Re: Is my husband weird? [Re: Melly1980] #566001 11/20/09 09:06 PM
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Solalux Offline
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Originally Posted By: Melly1980
"Life is not worth living without children, my life really didn't start until I had my son"


I have heard that before and it is really f*** up. How sad is that! I remember mentioning my therapist that kind of comment and she agreed that someone who says something like that (and really mean it) has issues. It cannot be healthy to disappear like that as a person.

Re: Is my husband weird? [Re: Solalux] #566287 11/22/09 04:25 PM
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dissa Offline
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Yes, the phrase about life beginning with children makes me terrified...how can one deny her own life and her own existence and the meaning of it? And making herself only a womb??? and this happens to so many women.... I can see it everywhere around and ask myself where are these girls I used to know, smart, educated? where are they now -did their brains melted away? It doesn't happen to all mothers and I am happy to know many of them who remain the persons they used to be before the child (just much more tired). But so many change and disappear, and become only an addition to the child...and what happens to them when the children grow up?

Last edited by dissa; 11/22/09 04:27 PM.
Re: Is my husband weird? [Re: dissa] #569088 12/04/09 09:03 PM
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People that say [censored] like that make me wanna vomit. When i hear that, i instantly think..*You obviously didn't have much of a life before and that's why you got pregnant? cuz you were bored? ...So now all of a sudden your life is exciting? cuz you have someone to chill with? That is not gonna tell you ur annoying or boring? cuz you happen to be their mother??? ...mmmm My mom had me out of love, not out of boredom or loneliness! WTF ..next time u hear that [censored]...please tell them Beth said..GET A HOBBY! Dissa-when their children grow up, they get depressed and buy a pet. :]

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