BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships How do I handle an annoying in law?

I have been with my Husband for 4 years now. My husband proposed to me within 6 months of our meeting each other. At the engagement party, his brother's girlfriend (let's call her Jane) was very nasty with me and my mother. Everyone could see she was jealous of our engagement.
Hubby's brother (let's call him Ed) didn't see anything wrong with her immature behavior that night and defended her saying she was acting up because she was "PMS'ing."

Jane had been with Ed for 5 years at the time of our engagement. At the time, their relationship was going very, very badly. Ed has always been very manipulative of Jane and she always makes excuses for the way he treats her. So, in turn, she tends to aim all of her anger and resentment towards me and hubby. Especially at me.

She has been very sarcastic with me over the years. Making tasteless jokes towards me but in a way that isn't obvious to everyone. She hides her nastiness very well from the rest of the family. Hubby's immediate family are very naive people and think she's just a perfect little angel. There are a few of my in laws who don't like her as much as I do but they tolerate her because they have to.

I have tried everything to make friends with with this girl, nothing has helped. Yet she'll sometimes act overly friendly with me only when my in laws are around.

I am sick of her behavior and I'm sick of forcing myself to be nice to her. It makes me feel like the biggest hypocrite. I would really like some help and suggestions on this. How should I handle her when she acts up with me? There's no use in talking to my brother in law about it, he'll just defend her and I'm afraid it may cause a rift between him and hubby. Last thing I want is to stir trouble within the family.

If anyone could give me some advice, I'd really love to hear it.

When your sister in law makes a rude comment to you repeat it ((very loudly)). "So you said I look like a fat cow in this dress,,, Honey, Did you hear what she said, She said I look look like a fat cow in this dress".

She would probably die of embarrasment and think twice before making a comment again.

I, too, would repeat what she says loud enough for others to hear. I would also ask her questions like, "Now what exactly do you mean by that?", and ask her to explain. You can always say something like, "I am not sure what you mean because you are not always very direct, could you explain please?" Privately, I would let her know that you know exactly what she is doing and you are not interested in a close friendship unless she can change her attitude. Other times, and maybe most of the time, just ignore her or pretend you did not hear her. That might force her to lose interest in playing her little games.

Hi Jellyroll,

First, I really love your name, second, I am probably not the right person to answer your question.

I however may be the perfect person for this!

I am a very honest and some-what blunt person, so forgive me if I do not seem to understand your feelings entirely.

People like her do not mess with people like me more than once, because people like me say whatever they think and have no social grace!

I would have simply said "Oh, Shut Up and stop letting your own insecurities try to ruin my moment" the first time she said something. Then I would have turned and continued on with whatever I had been doing before she started PMS'ing.

I have a family member that has told some pretty nasty lies about me and other family members. She is an In-Law too. I talked to a freind about it, and they said "get over it." That is what I have chosen to do. I wiped the slate clean, and as far as I am concerned none of it ever happened. This allowed me to get over the resentment of the past and move forward.

This does not mean that I will put up with the [censored] again! If it happens again I plan to tell them exactly what I think and to treat them with the same kindness I would show a complete stranger when forced to be in the same place due to family obligations. I do not hug strangers, or ask them personal question, nor do I tell them any of my private business. If a stranger were to ask me a personal question I would say "oh, why do you ask that?" and avoid answering.

How your husbands family feels about this person is their choice. You will set yourself up to be hurt if you develop the attitude that they somehow do not like you as much if they still like her.

The important thing to remember is that you are being kind to her for someone else. You are showing respect to your in-laws by tolerating her when you are forced to be together.

hey Jellyroll, sounds like a bully to me and one thing I know is that bullies get braver the more they get away with it. that old, "just ignore them and they'll go away" doesn't work. I'd say wait for miss perfect angel to dish it and then call her out and ask her to explain herself and why she said that. say it loud so all eyes are on her. since you likely know her patterns, get a few phrases memorized so you have the upper hand and maintain control of the conversation. she will feel on that spot and likely say something to the extent of "uh, I was just joking" or something lame. bullies are just cowards taking their pain out on whoever will take it. if you wont take it, she will be forced to move on to the next target.

You guys gave some great advice! Thanks to you all who took the time to read this and post your suggestions. I appreciate it.

I had no problem forgiving her and moving on from the day of the engagement. Little did I know she would continue to be such a little snot with me for the next 3 and a half years. Trying to be friends with her didn't help me any. It just gave her the opportunity to belittle me even more.

I will try some of these tactics if and when she starts up with me again. I don't know why I never thought up doing any of these things before.