BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids rude comment about my reproductive choices..

"I can't imagine why you are asking me that" OH - that Ann Landers was such a wonderful, wise person.

I agree with the other posters. It is no one else's buisness-period!

If you're in the mood to shock the 'busy-body' say " I've got a dog/cat instead". ha,ha,ha. Then say " why DID YOU have kids?" If they start talking about all the 'kodak' moments say whoa - 'what about the screaming,crying. messy house, shi**y diapers, no money for vacation, pedicures, facials,etc. etc'. I could go on & on.....

My best to you.

cp

She's an idiot. I know it hurts but people tend to flip out when others disapprove of how they live. Telling her you don't want kids probably makes her feel as if there's something wrong with her.

This is the thing, there's always going to be someone who doesn't agree with the things you do. Whether it's having kids, your career choice, your marriage, your spouse, etc, etc. She's not even thinking about what she's telling you. I bet she's not even stopping to think that what she said actually hurt you.

Sometimes what people tell me hurts me but I figure it like this. I can give them control over my life and let them irk me or I can live happily and throw my happiness back in their face, haha.

Jellyroll - your statement starting "Sometimes what people tell me hurts......." is wonderful. I feel/think the same.
Good thinking

cp

Wise words, Jellyroll! Living well IS the best revenge, right?

It certainly is

I suggest grilling her on why she had kids, whether she enjoys it, whether she regrets it, etc. Ha! A while ago a male poster said that when told he would change his mind about kids, he asked, "Are you gay?" When the person said no, he said, "You'll change your mind."

I too have fallen to answering all the successive questions, which pretty much sets me up for criticism and further questions. For some reason the Ann Landers approach never comes to mind...I guess I'm too honest!

Luckily I've never been truly caught in this conversation, but then again I've deflected it because of health concerns (meds and rheumatoid arthritis since I was a small kid). Somehow people "understand" more when it's because I "shouldn't/can't" and not because I don't want to. Honestly, it is 90% because I don't want to - I can go off my meds and get pregnant anytime. Unfortunately my sister-in-law is adopting and is now spending a lot of time telling me how wonderful it will be and how I can do the same so I can have kids too. I don't want to. It's really expensive to adopt, especially if you decide to adopt from abroad (think $20K and up). She's adopting from Ethiopia. Both my husband and I know that we really shouldn't be having kids and that we honestly don't want them. Sure, I like playing with babies and kids, but the screaming and the pooping and and and - oy vey. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I much prefer being an aunt. Eventually I will have to face her and say that I'm just not going to have kids in any way shape or form. But, I'll leave her to start that conversation - no reason in bringing up touchy subjects if I don't have to.