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best friend is pregnant :-( #562819 11/08/09 05:47 PM
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Marie751 Offline OP
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I just learned that my best friend is pregnant. I didn't think she would ever had kids...but I guess they had been secretly trying. I am scared that our friendship is going to crumble. for me, I have had 3 friends over the last 7 years who got pregnant and we lost common ground and we slowly just stopped talking. I dont want this to happen with us. how can you make a friendship work between a pregnant lady who is starting a family and a lady who dislikes children and at times will get nauesous at the mere sight of a pregnant lady?

Last edited by Marie751; 11/08/09 05:47 PM.
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Re: best friend is pregnant :-( [Re: Marie751] #562832 11/08/09 07:15 PM
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cream pie Offline
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Marie 751 - once your friend has her wee one, you probably won't see much of her for quite a while. She will be all consumed with the kid and that's all her life will be about.

All of a sudden you and her won't have anything in common. It's so sad that this happens, but lets be honest here ~ you'll still be able to get out & do things spontainiously and she will strugge to find someone to babysit. She will spend any extra money on clothes & toys and all the other things kids seem to need, and most likely won't have much left for herself.

Anyways, she will be exhausted from being up half the night with the baby,there won't be any energy to go out with a friend. tired

So this the facts of life. Whatever....

I wish you luck, but this is what happens to so many friendships. cry

cp

Re: best friend is pregnant :-( [Re: cream pie] #562925 11/09/09 06:07 AM
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Hi Marie-

I just logged in and saw your topic. Without reading more than the heading "My Best Friend Is Pregnant", I felt your pain. I am so sorry, i know exactly how you are feeling. To amswer your question, there is no textbook answer as to how to make the friendship work. It's going to be difficult, but if you two really care for each other, you'll find a way to make it work. Good Luck! =)

Re: best friend is pregnant :-( [Re: on_a_roll] #563634 11/11/09 02:46 AM
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I've been there, too...my sympathies! It'll be rough going for the first few years, especially if they've been trying for a while and really are looking forward to the new baby. If you don't enjoy babies yourself, you'll have to depend on the occasional outing with your friend while her husband/mother etc. watches the baby.

I'm not going to lie, it's going to be pretty tough to make it work, and it's going to take a lot of patience on your part until the child is older (at least school age).

Re: best friend is pregnant :-( [Re: Shnicky] #564369 11/14/09 05:31 PM
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Hi Marie, I just wanted to say that I understand how you are feeling. As someone who is childfree by choice, I've struggled with the inevitable changes to my closest friendships as my best friends became Moms. What makes it even more challenging is that my two oldest friends live in different states and phone calls become nearly impossible when there are screaming children on the other end. That said, we have a tradition of having a "girls weekend" once a year that we've been able to maintain (although there have been a few years where nursing babies were included). I treasure this time with my friends. One thing that will be critical to your friendship is for you to respect and support your friend's choice to be a Mom, and for her to do the same for your choice not to. Good luck to you!

Last edited by namaste11; 11/14/09 05:32 PM.
Re: best friend is pregnant :-( [Re: Shnicky] #564451 11/15/09 04:17 AM
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Lori B - Editor MNK Offline
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Yes, that is how it seems to work most times. My good friend had a couple of kids one right after the other and we lost contact. Now that the kids are heading into middle school we've been in contact again. She's rekindling her dreams and focusing on herself a bit again, and oddly, after all these years we're starting up pretty much where we left off:)

Re: best friend is pregnant :-( [Re: Lori B - Editor MNK] #564652 11/15/09 09:38 PM
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Marie751 Offline OP
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I just got off the phone with her. for the last 5 years all she has talked about is getting promoted to VP of the claims dept at work. the VP is going to retire at the end of the year and guess who was offered the job? she was! and she said that now she is going to turn it down because in may she will become a stay at home mom. I was in shock and we were talking about it and how much work she put in to qualify. she even went back to school for it. this was her answer. now maybe I am not seeing this clearly because of how I feel but her reponse made me very uneasy. I said "You're going to quit all together? you have talked about nothing but this position for the last 5 years." she said "Aaron really wants to start a family." I instantly responded by saying "you want this too, right?" and she said yeah and started to talk about her next appointment, but she seemed to be trying to keep the conversation away from what she had just said. am I reading too much into this, or could he have theatened to leave her if they didn't have kids? if he did, I really dont think she would admit it. I am afriad to bring it up again because I dont want to push her away seeming to not support her pregnancy. P.S I decided that I am not going to let the friendship crumble, I will fight for it, for her...but all this pregger talk is seriously grossing me out.

Re: best friend is pregnant :-( [Re: Marie751] #564687 11/15/09 10:54 PM
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Oh, that is really hard and sad, if the job is something she's worked so hard for and really wanted. I don't know. It's sure possible her husband is pressuring her to have kids, or is even threatened by her promotion. It's great that you are committed to stand by her because she will need your friendship even more if she is not at peace with her decision. My business partner quit just when things were starting to grow because she had an unplanned pregnancy. Her husband pressured her constantly to "do her duty for the family" but when I see her she seems stressed and not particularly happy. I don't know why they couldn't compromise. He never stays home with the kids BTWY. I'm trying to maintain the friendship but we are not as close now and I hope she returns to the business after the kids get older.

Re: best friend is pregnant :-( [Re: Lori B - Editor MNK] #564763 11/16/09 01:50 PM
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Quote:
she said "Aaron really wants to start a family."


She was supposed to say, "WE really want to start a family." Sounds like she's just giving into what her man wants. Which is typical with many women. They'd rather lose everything they've worked for to please their men. While the men sacrifice either nothing or very little.

My suggestion to you is, if you want to keep your best friend, don't bring up anything about her lost career and her reasons for having a baby. She's made her decision whether it was the wrong one for her, only she knows that and time will tell. Just support her with anything she needs and keep away from the subject. Most will defend their careless decisions and husband's before admitting they mucked up.

I've learned this first hand and I've never bothered putting my 2 cents in again with anyone.

Just hope for her sake, in the end of things, she's happy.

As far as your friendship, there's still hope it may survive the baby. As long as she's able to talk about more than just the baby. There probably will be some distance between you both at first but if you are persistent in supporting her, I don't see why you both can't carry out a healthy, long lasting friendship.


Last edited by Jellyroll; 11/16/09 01:50 PM.
Re: best friend is pregnant :-( [Re: Jellyroll] #566893 11/25/09 12:45 AM
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Marie751 Offline OP
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I just need to vent. this is so hard for me to deal with. 90% of the things coming out of her mouth are about being pregnant or talking about so-and-so who just had a baby. I can see her flat tummy starting to bulge, too. I think pregnancy is quite disgusting, and I leave our lunch dates with the heebie-jeebies. I just want to scream like I saw the worlds biggest spider and run away. I am also watching her and I am afraid that she will get hurt during delivery and I dont want her to get hurt. (yes, in addition to not liking kids I am also quite tokophobic)I think I would just fall to my knees and cry if she had a c-section. she knows that pregnancy and kids is not my scene and she has not made any stupid comments like "you should get pregnant too", but it is just pregnant this, that and the other. blah! ewww! ugh! P.S I am also learning more about her husband and I dont really like him that much anymore. lately he has come across as moody and controlling. he was mad at her the other day because she ate some fried chicken strips instead of something healthier.

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