BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships coworker constantly makes up crazy lies!

I work with a guy in his early 20s and he cant stop lying. he lies about everything. he always has these wacky stories and I know none of it is ever true. he'll tell me one thing and then tell another coworker a completely different version of events. I think he lies to make himself look cool or tough but I am sick of him wasting my time with lies. I hear stuff like all his ex-girlfriends stalk him, he spent the weekend in the hospital cause he got hurt playing sports but doesn;t have a scatch on him, he beat up a guy a guy at a bar who was dissing him and the cops agreed the other guy was a jerk and let him go. I cant stand that he wastes my time with this stuff. if I say I'm busy, he just waits for me to not be busy or when I walk to the breakroom for more coffee. I really want to say "stop lying!!" should I? I dont want to make things uncomfortable but it is driving me nuts! what would you do?

It's just a theory of mine, but I think people who lie in situations like these do it to get attention. They feel like their real life is boring and nobody would like them. So they lie, and people are interested in what they say, so it makes them feel good and perpetuates the cycle.

Don't take it personally, it is something about him, not you. So to get upset won't help It would be like getting upset that he had red hair.

If your aim is to not hear the stories, then the key is he tells them to get attention. He wants to have you pay attention to him, to be excited or interested in him. So be specific. If he starts telling a story about a bar fight, gently interrupt him and say "Bar fight stories bother me, please don't tell me any more." If he starts talking about an ex, gently interrupt him and say "Thinking about ex-s upset me, I need to keep them in the past." So gently but firmly indicate that you will not listen to that thread. And then immediately switch to a factual topic like "so are you coming to the holiday party?" That's the key. Show him you *can* be interested in him, in factual topics. That way it's like puppy training. You are showing him he can get attention in a good way. If he tries to get it in an unhealthy way, shut down immediately.

You can't use negative reinforcement - that is a form of attention. You have to go with

1) positive attention in a good topic area
2) **NO** attention in a not-good topic area

Another thing is there are certain mental disorders where a person will lie in order to either:

1. feel better about themselves because they are so depressed and have a negative look at themselves

2. feel they need to prove something to someone in order to get gold stars in their eyes

3. don't know any different because they were taught that they need to lie and make themselves look good under all situations.


It really comes down to discovering the why in the situation. You can either be their friend and hopefully come to undertstand the reasoning, or two, avoid the person and only have interactions as necessary.

Contrary to popular belief... you do NOT have to be friends with your coworkers, just be friendly to them.

I have a girl co worker who doesthe exact same thing!!>..Except she calls me her best friend and introduces me as such to her family and bf's and such...it drives me nuts!!!

I've known people like that...my trick was to stay busy whenever she was around, and read when I wasn't terribly busy. I got rather bitchy in the end though because I'd be sitting in the staff room reading, and listening to her tell the same story to three different people with huge differences or exaggerations each time, and eventually started saying "that's strange; you just told such and such this...." Eventually, I made her cry and she left me alone after that. I realized afterwards what motivates people to lie like that and felt horrible, but hey, it worked.