BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Clairvoyance Feeling down

Sorry, I'm not trying to be the "oh pity me" story here but I've been feeling down all day. Next month will mark the 4th anniversary of my husbands passing. We were married 8 months (2cd marriage) when he died suddenly. I wish I could feel him around me for comfort, but havnet felt nothing for a while. Sometimes I feel like his love for me has faded away. I dont know what I'm feeling anymore.

Sorry to be the pity party here.

Julie

I do not feel this is a pity party, Julie. It is natural that you miss your husband and need to feel his prescence near you. Sometimes the departed have to move on to the next level. It does not mean his love for you has faded, only that maybe he has progressed to the next higher level in his spiritual growth.

When my father died I missed him so very much and desparately needed to feel his love was still strong for me. I would sense him near off and on for several days, then he was gone on his journey. After a few years he started coming back once in awhile just to let me know he still loves me. Often, when I am in a difficult place, trying to solve problems, depressed or down, he sends a message of love or comfort and a resolution, idea or something helpful pops into my mind and I can almost hear him laugh and see him smile as he leaves.

The departed, regardless how much they loved us, must continue on with their spiritual journey. They come back when they can for short periods or sometimes just for an instant. I do not dwell or beg Dad (or my elder brother whom I lost two years ago) to stay with me, for it is good to try and keep them Earthbound.

Be assured that since he loved you in life, he loves you still and would want you to go on with your life and find happiness.

Elleise and others will be along here to give you some good thoughts to help you. It is so difficult to go thru the stages of loss of a loved one and it is a good idea to do what you are doing - reaching out for understanding and sharing of your feelings.

Take care. I wish you all the best and much love in your life.

Thank you Phyllis for your care and thoughts. I did go to the Bereavement part and posted something similar to this. I appreciate your thought.

Julie

Julie, the Holidays are when I feel the loss of loved ones the sharpest. It used to be we all started shopping and stores got decorated around Thanksgiving. Now, Christmas inventory is already being put out and nutcrackers are discussing Halloween costumes on TV commercials.

With reminders of the upcoming Holidays already everywhere, it's normal for you to feel this way. But I completely agree with Phyllis. It's not your husband's love that is diminished, just your sense of his presence. You've had his presence with you for so long, it may feel like you've "lost" him again.

We never completely lose our loved ones, but I think they have things to do, just as we do. There could be so many reasons for your not feeling his presence. I know it feels like "yesterday," even though it's been a few years.

Think about what your husband would want for you at this time. Then make it happen. There's no better way to honor him and keep him close, as you continue on. Be confident, he will be popping in to check on you, no matter what the future brings.

Hi Julie,

Phyllis and Icp have some wisdom there that I couldn't express any better. But, having said that, I know it still doesn't seem to fill that void.

I do feel that just like here we have things we progress through and learn even after we have passed. But, just like here in looking back in the physical, no matter how much I have learned I still remember every bit of love I have ever experienced. We take it with us no matter what. Your husband will always have every bit of love he had for you here, there.

With holidays, there comes a euphoria of sorts that coupled with love makes for a very strong connection. I find even if I'm not looking for them, during special days (I may even forget it's a holiday or anniversary) I'll be out somewhere and hear a song or see a snow globe that was given to me and broke and it'll remind me of a special time or message from someone I love. I know that some how, some way, I was put in the right place at the right time for that connection to find me.

I have every confidence your husband will feel you thinking of him and he I'm certain will pop in somehow and send you his love. I've even hung a stocking or set a place setting for someone I've lost simply to honor the time we had together and in some way let them know they are always welcome to pop in whenever their schedule sees fit

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Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor

I once read a phrase (cannot remember the author) that "An old love never dies, it just goes to a quieter place." This has become one of my most valuable quotes in my "book of treasures" (journal of quotes).

This helps me when reading this after losing my father on Father's Day! Thank you for sharing.

I think it hurts around holidays and birthday's. My brother just had his B-day yesterday. I know it was hard for him. So he wished to order a wreath for my father but could not afford it like me but it's worth showing are love for my father. So I'm handling it. We were not that close but I hope in time his heart will not grow colder. He is still my big brother!! If I had money I would always help him.

Thank you!! I needed to read this!!

Tre':)

That's a beautiful quote Phyllis. It really feels like love comes from its own place and graces with an entry in the physical world. There is no substitute, no ability to manufacture it.

When it's real, we know it. When it's far, we feel it & while we search, we're certain to find it again.

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Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor
Clairvoyance Site
Angel Therapy, Consultations & Spiritual Development Workshops

Thank you all for your kind words.

I think I'm having a hard time believeing if he loved me at the end because of the way he was acting with me before he died. Im almost sure it has alot to do with his illness. I have it in my head that he no longer loved me because I supposedly was the cause of his problems. Helloooooooo, no I wasnt, he created alot of it on his own. I wont go into a lot of details, but I think because I just happened to have been the closest one near him, he had to take it out on me. I have lost confidence in myself at the time, but its slowly building back up again. I sometimes think his death was an escape to get out of his stress. He made a choice not to go to the doctor. I do believe it has to be fear and denial. I begged him to see a doctor. Like I said, he started feeling sick a few months after we were married, died 8 monghs after. The holidays are my worst time because he died the week before Christmas and I'm feeling it now. I hand it over to God, but it keeps coming back.

There are days I feel content but now its coming back. Maybe because of the memories.

Julie

Julie, please don't be hard on yourself. The ability to turn something over, is one acquired with much practice and persistence. I've been working at it for years! Even so, something I'd turned over last year, jumped back in my lap yesterday and it's also associated with the Holidays.

There could be tons of reasons for your husband's behavior close to the end. Please don't analyze or personalize it, as you have no way to measure how much his illness contributed to his behavior, thoughts, and words. Concentrate on the love.

For me, that hardest part of grief is getting to "The Smile." Once I've worked through all the other steps, denial, anger, etc. and get to the bittersweet, thankful place. That's the place where I still feel the loss. It's not easier, it's not minimized, it's tendered with my realization of how blessed I was to have this person in my life for whatever length of time. Here, I can be thankful, even joyful, and SMILE, because I'm concentrating on the good stuff. Here, I think clearly, and find ways to honor my loved one, while feeling assured they will be with me to share my future good memories.

To say, I'm not going to get upset, cry, or grieve this Christmas is just not practical. Holiday TV commercials can bring me to tears. It's an emotional time of year for many reasons. But I can set a goal to make a new good memory. This can be with my family or friends. But the best ones are when I can help someone I don't even know in some small way.