BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development How do you nurture your healthy self-esteem?

We know self-esteem is a powerful success tool - how do you nurture your self-esteem?

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Low self-esteem usually comes about due to some sort of 'knock-back' in life (however large or small that may have been). By getting to the cause of the self-esteem sometimes this can help build it.

For me, going deaf over a prolonged period of time, slowly lowered my self esteem, mostly because of the way people reacted to me and treated me. I finally became very depressed and isolated and my self esteem was at an all time low. With it of course I was very unhappy.

Somewhere I found the strength (no idea where it came from though) to find ways to become happy. I would even say to myself 'I will be happy for the next 1/2 hour' and make sure I was. I would say 'I will enjoy this walk without thinking about my problems.' Slowly I drew myself out of the depression. I wrote down all the areas of my life where I had problems (and it was every area) and wrote down what I could control and what I couldn't and what I could do about those I could control - what I could work on. I put the list away and three months later looked at it again only to find not only had I started all the things I had written down I had actually moved on. It was quite an eye opener to see that I had achieved something. I did the same thing again - wrote down how I could move further along the way. And once again put it away. In three mmonths I looked at it again and I had really moved on. In fact by this time I had achieved my major goal of finding a life partner and was about to be married! A few laters I looked at my list again and once more I had achieved far more than I had written down. (Completed a BA degree, got married, financially secure, sorted out my deafness and so on!) It was an amazing transformation - in fact my whole life was transformed in a few months.

You are an inspiration Felicity. I have self esteem issues and depression. I need to take another look at what you've done there and follow your lead.

Felicity

Thank you for sharing -
I agree with Jill, you are an inspiration!

I can do it! In fact - only I can do it. This became my motto when I took responsibility for my own happiness.

Unhappiness, depression and self-image/esteem all come from within and for me are all bound up together. We can make a conscious choice about happiness and the way we think about ourselves and this will help our self-esteem and depression. It does take some discipline but I found by just doing small steps (the next 1/2 hour I will believe in myself) I formed new positive thought habits.

I know that despite the knocks in life it is up to us how we let it get to us. I spent 20 years as a single mum, rearing 3 children, going deaf at the same time and I really did let it get to me. I spent way too much time unhappy - oh what a waste of time! We haven't got enough time to waste any of it.

A weighty tome is Being Happy by Andrew Matthews. It's a slim book but he gets to the point every time. I cried my way through it realising how true everything he said was. We say things to ourselves like 'I will be happy when....' when I finish school, when I complete University, when I have a partner, get a job, have a house and so on.... we keep putting off being happy and because we feel we aren't achieving or are unworthy and this damages our self-esteem and of course leads to depression. But happiness is a state of being not a destination. Being happy doesn't mean that everything in your life is perfect either and once we realise this then it is easier to be happy.

Look I know it isn't always easy. I walked into a job two weeks ago - one I've held for 8 years only to be told by the (new) owner 'I emailed you to tell you I don't want you anymore.' He had become abusive (calling me names, telling me I was stupid, inefficient and then when I got upset telling me not to take it personally). I was distraught for 24 hours.... but I don't need his behaviour, nor his job under those circumstances. I will get through it financially and will find another job. If I am upset then only I am upset... my being upset doesn't upset him so why should I waste my time.

I could go on... I don't always get it right but I do know it works.

I have what most people would consider changed my life. I never thought ,I would be meditative or yoga plus daily vitamins and exercise.I have also found out ,I love to dance.These things are making me realize who ,I am .I am even learning to like myself being happy of the results of my efforts. Its only 2 years but ,I feel like I am half my age. And darn well know ,we cannot dwell on what happened but what is to come.All the above things have brought me to look into the mirror,take some pride in myself and this is a great thing. Self esteem is something everyone has to grab anyway they can as long as it comes from within you and is done by you for you .It doesn't take much effort to see what might work for you by trying ,the world looks different when your self esteem improves. :fish:

I never had a self-esteem. Maybe one day when my parents will be cut off from my life I will have some.