BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Can't seem to let resentment go!

My father taught me "the ways of the Dark Side" as we jokingly said because I was tired of others making me cry every day. I was teased mercilessly for years as the outcast, ugly, poor kid from a dirt town. I flipped out and finally decided to get even. It took years of discipline, research, study, and manipulation to put them in the right place for a definite blow, but it was a longlasting impression that kept anyone from ever, ever crossing that line again. Noone even crosses them now that I'm gone. By the time I was done, all the "mean girls" were humbled, the star of the basketball team/cutest guy in school asked my forgiveness, and I had gained absolute respect from all the people in town because word spread quickly. The revenge I purposefully set up was classy, not nasty or raunchy or violent, but a way of letting them know not to EVER hurt me again. I can't tell you how I did it because it took a very long time and a lot of patience and trickery. The rumors that developed from the seeds I planted are hilarious. I heard from all of these people years later. They all apologized again. I definitely got the last laugh and I enjoyed it very much. Now I am not this way. I'd rather confront someone head on these days, but the skill is still there, waiting and lurking for when my daughters or my son will require the information. People as a whole don't change and being punished is a natural consequence. For what you're dealing with now, I have a few suggestions that people may find questionable, but it could work. First, you need to be in charge of what they say about you. Start messing with them and providing details that you want them to know, even if they are not real. For example, when they begin talking, walk up and purposefully bump into one, not hard to be an assault, but enough to be rude. When the idiot says something, smile and laugh. Say very loudly, "How are you doing b*tch? Got a problem?" Laugh and walk away. Whip out a notebook and jot down notes and do so while looking directly at them. When they ask you what it is, speak slowly with a smile, "I'm taking notes. It will serve its purpose." Leave it at that. Smile maliciously. The look is important. Remember, they are watching you and looking for weak points. "It's for me to know, not thoughtless twits." Now, think, what are their weaknesses? What are their strengths? What makes them cocky? Use it. But only at the right time. Speak their weaknesses against them softly when they are alone, so they realize just how pathetic they are without their little posse and you know all about it. Speak loudly in front of others to make them realize you are not afraid. Learn to be a quick wit and throw in their insecurities right back when they fire at you. Sink to their level, you can always buoy back up when you're done. Submit advertisements about something they find embarrassing, such as the stuff you find on Prank Yankers. It gets fun messing with people that deserve it. Be the bully, not the bullied. If you catch them whispering about you or talking about you in front of you, interrupt it. Be loud and purposeful. "Talking about others in front of them is childish and disgusting. Grow up and learn to respect others. Break it up or I will. One. At. A. Time. Don't you remember Columbine? Stupid, silly, pathetic, little girls! Don't mess with crazy people. You never know what they'll do." Laugh and walk away. Don't bother to respond to anything else, except, "You heard what I said." That should be enough for now for specifics. It will only make their adolescent minds think twice before continuing to talk BS. The greatest part is that you are absolutely innocent, just placing a reminder to mind their manners and performing mental warfare. Remember, take mental notes on their weaknesses. Don't write anything down. And make friends with those who can help you achieve what you trying to get, most likely they are seeking the same redemption. Once you gain your posse, laugh and talk loudly about them in front of them. Tables have turned. Once they have rescinded their little tirade at you, show mercy. You are, after all, only protecting yourself when taking the offense. When the threat recedes, take the high ground, or you truly will be at their level. But don't EVER trust them again. As far as with family members causing problems, take mad notes. Keep notes of every little thing that has been done against you. Provide tape recordings, if possible. Write down the date, the time, and exactly what happened. After several months, present a copy to the most influential person in the family while in a private setting. State your case calmly and confidently. Lastly, request a family gathering to prove your point and then, while everyone is there, say, "See? What did I tell you?" to the person you spoke in confidence with. Then I would do one of two things: Tell everyone and state that you don't want them in the middle and to maintain relations with both parties, but that she does not deserve to be your friend or relative until she apologizes and straightens up. Or let the grapevine of family interaction perform the act of gossip for you instead, making her the bad apple of the bunch. Personally, I chose the first and it worked beautifully. She apologized to me and my mother and straightened up her attitude.

just three women who I had to work with to get a job done. They were not really friends, just aquaintances. They are really shallow people. They act nice to a person's face, then turn around and back stab them. I really had nothing in common with them.

Oh. That's different. I really thought you were talking about younger women, or prepubescent girls or something. If it is a work situation, you could involve your supervisor. Tactfully explain the issues involved with a potentially hostile work environment and how it is interfering with your health and well-being. The behavior is in no way acceptable, no matter how old someone is. This behavior is common where I work as well. To me, it depends on what they're saying. Usually, if it is untrue BS, I love to interrupt and say something like, "Wow! Talking about me again? Please share what you find so captivating about my life that you feel you need to talk about it in my absence. Perhaps you need a hobby that doesn't involve tarnishing people's reputations when, in fact, it makes you look stupid and uninteresting." Or, the ever-effective, "What the f---? Seriously? You mind-numbing, retarded b----es. You don't deserve to utter my name if all you can do is intertwine it with filth, lies, gossip, or ill-conceived judgment. You disgust me." I think I have too much fun with people like that, but it's only because it makes me soooooo angry. It's such adolescent behavior. Sorry about the mix-up.

Melodyfor3... I think your solutions for solving your delema are as bad as the behaviour of the people you feel wronged you. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I am looking for some advice to deal with it in a more dignified way, and no, it's not at work. I don't see them all that much, except for a few times a month.

in a very loose way this reminds me of my son the other day. He acidentally knocked his thermos off of the counter, it broke and he started yelling at the thermos, "You stupid thermos" and was literally blaming the thermos for breaking instead of himself for knocking it over.

You are allowing these women to push you into a situation where you "say something fakey back and pretned to be nice". They cannot make you do this, they can make you feel like you should, giult you into it - or rather shame you into it, but not make you.

My son's psychiatrist the other day said there is a huge difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is an emotion we should feel when we have done something wrong, because it encourages us to make amends and never do that wrong again. Shame on the other hand is guilt with lots of other stuff thrown on top. Shame makes you want to hide, keep secrets and just leaves you feeling nasty. For some reason these you feel shame around these women and feel you must compete with them.

Let go of the shame within yourself and be content with knowing who you are and where you stand. Bullies thrive on fear and shame. Think about all these celebrity blckmail stories we are hearing about right now. They onyl work if the person being blackmailed is willing to live in shame. If they are willing to admit their guilt and come out into the light - then the blackmailer goes away, they have no choice - there is nothing to pick on.

Hold your head high, be proud of yourself, and be confident in yourself. Once they realize you have no more fear - the predators will slowly give up.

So what is the problem then. Trying to get even, maybe by having the last word. Just let it go its not healthy to keep thinking about it. Do you think someone feels pain when you are angry or mad at them..no just yourself and you will make youself sick by it as it consumes you. Why give them that power. Release yourself.

Don't say anything. Turn around, give them that 'Don't eff with me b face' and go back to doing what you were doing. You don't owe them anything. And besides, it's best when people think you're an evil B. They don't mess with you.

I knew someone would think my ideas were terrible. Most people would because you don't see the potential and most prefer to go the way of Christ and offer the other cheek. Yes, my ideas are cruel and a little childish also, but they don't work in EVERY situation. It's not something to do on a daily, weekly, monthly, or even yearly basis, not ever consistently. I haven't had to do anything like that for a very long time. But, I suffered years of abuse from people making me cry every day to the point where I still cannot walk up to a crowd of people without cringing. There comes a point where you have to do something to stand up for yourself. I just think you have to stand up for yourself somehow. It sounds like they don't even know how this is making you feel. But when you're outnumbered, being ganged up on, with people laughing at you all day (even if it is only a few days a month) at your workplace where you should feel safe, either find a new job or defend your stance. What other options have you got? Sit there and take the abuse?

Melodyfor3, I do think you have the makings for an interesting novel, if you ever want to use your life experiences that way. I bet there is a very interesting story there.