BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Coping Skills

For some reason, I have been having alot of memories from my childhood come up recently. I'm not sure why it is happening, but many of the memories are painful. Some of them I haven't thought of in years, yet now they are cropping up. It's always painful to remember the abuse my siblings and I endured in our childhood and adult years from our parents.

I have been using some coping skills that I've learned over the past few years and they are helping with the painful memories and emotions. One of my coping skills is to think about my favorite place in the forest that I love going to on the Pali. This helps to calm me down.

Would you be willing to share coping skills that you use when you have memories come up?

Spending time alone, wherever it might be, is very helpful for me when I'm dealing with memories. I always feel as if I have to put on a mask somehow when I'm around others if I'm really struggling with something. Then again, one of my best coping skills is talking things out. So I guess it kind of sounds like I'm contradicting myself. But if I do decide to talk to someone, that person has to be someone I know is "safe." My definition of safe is someone who will not tell others what I'm revealing to them; and they also won't judge what I'm saying or give me advice that I don't ask for. I guess, in other words, I have to completely trust that person. Oh, and I just thought of another key thing for me. Journaling is something I used to do every day. I almost never do anymore. But if I have something that's really bothering me, especially if I'm not sure exactly where it's coming from, journaling is wonderful. It works almost every time. I just start writing with the first thing that comes to mind and write whatever pops into my head. Eventually things get shifted around to where the problem is; it's like God makes me aware of it when I've found it.(see? ask me one question and you get a book for an answer!)

Julie1957,
Journaling is a big one for me too. It helps me to put it down on paper. It's like a release for me. I also like to talk things through. My therapist usually just listens to me and lets me talk myself through things. It helps just to have someone to talk to about it. Thanks for sharing!!

You are such a blessing to me! It feels so good to just KNOW that someone understands just exactly what I'm saying. This forum is a gift! Take care!

Julie1957,
Thank you for your kind words. It's also nice for me to have others that understand what I am feeling and what it's like to go through the process to healing from abuse.

How is everyone? Ive been busy wearing holes in the carpet:) also raising children. I saw my mom a few times and it has set me back. I am in much need of self esteem work. I think it will help me to strengthen. If I believe in me then they can not affect me so deeply. I want to detach and remember who is sick here. Just because they are twisted. I need not catch this illness by merely standing in the same room as them. I want to rise above it. I have God on my side! They have Miller lite:(. I can pray for them and stay far away.I do not have contact with parents or sister unless there is an emerg. Uncle Gary is so sick and I want to bring him to my home. He needs better loving care than my mom can provide. She is cold. I cant control this. I must keep my eyes on my kids. I have cried over this. My mom is not a good caregiver. I love my Uncle so much. He is in so much pain. I think I have double emotions and my mom has NONE. Ive been told to not get in there and try to control things or try to fix it. I want to so badly. When I was sick. It seemed my mom would have let me die. The neighbor helped me not her. I am afraif for my uncle!!It is so so so sad! I have noticed glaringly that while reading these posts: I relive the rejection daily. The neglect is why my heart hurts. I want them to love me. Being hit or beaten does not run through my mind a thousand times a day like the yearning for acceptance or the pain of critizism. My bad memories are of teeth gritting,cruel words,talked down to,ignored,being left out,shunned,dirty looks that to me meant "I cant stand you". Does this mean that emotional pain far outways the physical? Because I rarely recall being struck unless I am with an angry person who is yelling and or threatening. Just my experience. Im sure it is different for all. Reading here helped me see some things. Also I am pained when I see them because while they sicken me I still want to love them and run for my life at the same time. the turmoil is torture. Out of sight out mind is my goal. Thanks to you all! HUGS!!

I see that I was off topic in my last post. I was in much pain. Sorry for that. Sometimes I cant even see straight. I am in therapy and working on a priority list. I am getting out of the house more. I am trying to be helpful to others in small ways. I am reading a good book called "The Shack" I am seeking new friends and reconnecting with old "good" friends. I am trying to stay away from negative hurtful people:) I am contributing to this wonderful forum!!! These are some of my coping skills. Oh and Im enjoying my kids beautiful little faces and hugging them often:) It helps me give back to the little girl in me who needs love too!!

not sorry for the pain just sorry I didnt speak of coping skills.............

freemenow,
Please don't apologize! You did nothing wrong. I understand how the pain can consume us. I loved reading about how you enjoy your children and their hugs. You are very right in that those hugs help the little girl in you. I firmly believe in our inner child and helping to nurture our inner child.

"The Shack" is a fabulous book; reading that is what triggered my memories and turned my entire life upside down; but it also started the healing....