BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Stepdaughter vs stepmom Dad broken hearted

I have a 21yr stepdaughter. My husband and I have been married for 9yrs. I have a 20yr son and we have an 8yr son. My step daughter is very bright has 2 jobs and is in college. I have tried to get along with her for all of these years but nothing works she has not likes me from day one. I tried to tell hubby but he never believed me. In January of this year he had a mid life crisis and moved out for 3 months. I was devistated and lost it emotionally during that time. He went to his daughter and told her all the stupid things I did and said. She admitted to him that she didn't like me and never had. Now she refuses to come over or have anything to do with me. I have always tried to get her dad to encourage her to spend time with her 8yr brother but she never had time. Now she wants to spend time with him and I don't want to let him go with her because she hates me so much and even though her dad has tried to explain that I am not the bad guy and why we went throught all that we did when he left she is still holding on to what he told her about me. He really messed up by sharing that info with her and has tried to fix it. She thinks dad should leave me and 8yr son to spend time with her on holidays and I think he should put his foot down and tell her to smile and be a part of our holiday. She says she is not going to be fake. Is ther any hope for resolve in this matter? I don't care if she likes me but this is killing my husband and I don't want him hurt any more.

Can you contact the step daughter yourself? It sounds like a good heart to heart between the two of you is in order. Getting the point across that it doesn't matter if you like each other or not - what matters is family and providing stability and security. Dividing the family up for activities such as holidays will put undue pressure on the 8 year old and isn't fair to him. The bottom line is, like it or not, you are family and respecting her father and her brother obligates her to at least try to be cordial to you out of respect for THEM, it's not even about you or how she feels about you. If you can't communicate that to her, talk to your husband about it more and see if this can't get worked through somehow.