BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids having a husband who wants kids .......now

I have been happily married for 10 years without kids. I have always known my husband likes kids but lately he has expressed his desire to have them. I have no maternal instinct and am espnot thrilled since I have a genetic condition that causes colon cancer(i had a colectomy 9 years ago). Reluctantly I agreed to do IVF with genetic testing to try and have a child without this disease. Two rounds and no luck. and IVF was hell as i developed a bad medication reaction in round one. I dont think I want to do round 3. Out of frustration, my husband said he could not guarantee he "would stay" if i chose to not have children. He totally took it back today but now what do i do?

Oh that's blackmail and totally selfish from your husband. He obviously cares more about having a child than the health of his wife. I can not tell you what to do, but I can tell you the CF life only works if both people are in agreement. I personally I'm very disappointed with his attitude. I wish you all the best and hope you can work through it.

whoa! hold up! ARE YOU BEING BULLIED INTO GETTING PREGNANT?????? cause it sounds like you are basically being forced to get pregnant! reluctantly agreed? doesn't sound like you want to have a baby to me. what he said was completely out of line. your health is on the line, and if you dont produce that baby he may not stay? he is treating you like a vessil! warning! warning! doesn't matter if he says sorry. the fact that he would say that NEEDS to be examined, the whole relationship needs a good look-over. I would not have unprotected sex with him from this moment on. to make a baby, both people should want it. no one should be threatening to leave if it doesn't work out. holy hell, I cant even put my outrage into words at the moment! that is the most selfish thing a man can say to his wife! argh! so mad, I need a freaking time out. please explain exactly how you came to reluctantly agree...while I calm down.

Know what? I'd let him walk away. In fact, I'd hold the door open for him and help him on his way with a solid boot to the rear.

IVF is hard on your body. As you already have health issues, I'd also guess that a pregnancy could be difficult. A man who puts his desire for children over your health and wellbeing is a swine. Emotional blackmail should never, ever come into a marriage, and especially not over something as important as deciding to have children.

He isn't showing any concern for you, and doesn't seem to care that any potential child would have an unhappy and unwilling mother. It's all about HIM. Tell him that if he wants a child so badly, he can conceive and carry it himself.

I read your post yesterday and held off on responding because I was so infuriated I couldn't even put it into words...I'll just say that I very strongly agree with everyone who responded. What a horrible thing to say, even if he took it back.

This reminds me of a conversation I once had with one of my brothers in law. He said that he would risk his wife's health for a baby and that women are just fooling themselves when they say they don't want kids. I know he's just talking ignorant gibberish but I'm sure there are plenty of men like him out there who think just as your husband and that, to me, is seriously disturbing.

If your husband wants and needs children that bad, to the point of where he's willing to risk your health, then he shouldn't be with you.

I also find it upsetting that he would say something like that to you. Just shows how resentful he's feeling. I think it's probably time to sit and talk about your marriage and future with him. If you both want different things in life, then you both should go your separate ways.

I just hope you don't give in to anything you don't truly want to do. Especially considering your health problems.

I hope everything works out well for you.

Ugh, that's horrible, Jellyroll! What a guy! As he's willing to risk his wife's health, he not only considers women as vessels / farm animals that produce things, but he also knows exactly what they all are thinking and what they really want better than they do. After all, what do they know? They're just women! Sounds like a real selfish, controlling, misogynistic S.O.B.