BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Was bullied by a toxic friend!

It is such a long, long story but I can't seem to get over the fact that I was bullied and black mailed by a so-called friend into buying her an airline ticket, I know I can sum this up to an expensive lesson and should have gotten to KNOW the person first, or hell, better yet I should have come heer first when the bullying started. This person has yet to even make any attempt to pay me back and she is oblivious to what she did was WRONG on so many levels. What am I supposed to do with all this anger and frustration?

How did she black mail you into buying the ticket? I think you'll have to share a bit more of the story tbh otherwise it's hard to judge. I think we've all had friends we know are no good for us, but something keep us with them anyway - it's strange.
If she promised to pay you back then you could take legal action against her?

The problem is, unless you made arrangements up front about her paying you back for the ticket - then there is nothing you can really do about recouping your money.

If you did have a "shake on it" type agreement, then you just need to ask her, point blank. Because she sounds like the kind if person that is not going to take a hint (possibly on purpose). You would not believe how many people become "airheads" when it behooves them. I watch my extremely intelligent 12 yr old daughter turn into a total fluffhead as soon as the words "Is your room clean?" some out of my mouth.

Obviously this is not a friendship worth salvaging, so there is no reason to be gentl with "reminders". Let the frustration out on her and tell her you want your money back. If it comes to it - take her to small claims court.

hello Green Tea, I know a little something about not getting paid back. I loaned a sister in law of mine some money when her and her hubby fell on hard times. she promised to pay us back, wrote up a letter contract and everything. well, 3 years later they have never been able to repay us cause they cant make ends meet. I feel so stupid. I wanted to help and believed that is just what you did for family. had I known the money would be a GIFT instead of loan---It never would have happened! especially since my husband and I are no longer speaking to her. (she couldn't except I never wanted kids and was quite mean to me about it - but that is another story) It was made clear that if we took her to court, my mother in law would be crushed. so there is this anger and frustration within me. I am trying to let the anger go but it is hard. I keep telling myself that it was a LIFE LESSON to learn from. I know better for the future. I am a tad confused over the bullied and black mailed part. black mail is illegal. what does she have on you? please tell me so I can offer the best possible advice. and whatever it is that she has, she may pull it out again when she needs more cash. if she trys again. get it on video, voice recorder or somehow in writting. you can press charges. do not give them this power over you. a little info per Suze Orman if you are interested. she did a segment on loans that were not paid back. talk to your tax person about claiming that amount on your taxes. if you claim it on your taxes, this person will have to pay income tax to the IRS on what you loaned her. ---I dont know if this is what will apply for your situation, but worth asking about. That is probably what I will be doing in Feb 2010 if I dont get paid back.

Opps.. gosh I am so sorry, I did not get an e-mail notification that someone replied. I am going to list the whole story, in full detail = )

The life or expensive lesson is what I am having a hard time to swallow-- this person is laughing at me and that makes me more angry than anything.. I know yes we should like Karma work but having faith in that, is not working for me. The black mail part... She does not really have anything on me per se but I have her as a friend on Skype, when I tried to back out of buying the ticket (after finding out what type of person she really is) she threatened me to drudge up old businesses that I ran, contact an editor that ran underneath of me (this is a long time ago) and we did not see eye to eye, the magazine folded but still I don't want her contacting that person, then she said she would tell everyone in blog land that I was just dangling a carrot in her face... and I just didn't want to deal with it. Isn't that bullying?

I hope you are well and enjoying your stay in so and so. I wanted to talk a little bit about the ticket and the repayment if I could. Although it may seem that my husband and myself are well-off, the truth is with moving and school debts, we are on an extreme tight budget and getting the ticket put us in a bind, I hope you can understand. My motives for offering the ticket were based on sympathy and kindness-but after my assessment of your financial condition my interpretation of your financial status was not accurate. I take full responsibility for having the misperception, but I reached a conclusion that your lack of finances weren't what I thought they were. When I saw your husband give you so much spending money, then him buy his ticket, I realized that your financial need wasn't dire as I thought it was. I hope you understand I went out on a limb financially for the ticket and really need the money back urgently, I am hoping since you have some of the money left, that you could at least repay me half and we can work out some form of repayment plan for the rest. ------ it went ignored, and so did the second but stronger note.. After I found out that she was not who I thought she was (I did not know her long, met her via similar interest online) and although I initially offered out of kindness when I tried to back out-- she attacked me, and that is what I am angry about, the bullying and black mailing me into the ticket, so you can imagine how it was when she was here uncomfy. I am having a hard time letting go of the anger and being duped.

The thing about saying untrue things about you in "blogland" is that you can in turn come back around and threaten to wue her for libel (lies that are written).

Get tough, don't worry about rumors. The people that want to believe them have probably already heard some story from her anyway. Those that believe in truth, won't believe anything she says.

Skip all the rest of the polite requests and say.

You owe me _____number of $ for the plane ticket that I borrowed you money for. I need this money by this date:________ (Usually you will give 30-90 days).

If I have not received ths money by this time, we can either set up a payment plane or I will be forced to take this to small claims court.

Sincerely,

(your name)

You might even want to get this notarized befre sending this to her.
You have tried the nice route - now go the legal one. My guess is that if she sees legal, she will be too terrified to try to stoop to petty namecalling and ackstabbing.

I completley agree with Michelle - you have to go all out now and get your money back. She'll have already told ppl anyway probably via PM or e-mail. If these people are your true friends or know you, then they will listen to your side of the story and besides you have e-mails to prove it. Just explain your side of the story if you're that worried about the site. You can't just let her get away with it.
Usually ppl won't do anything untill you take legal action. I had a very good friend who owned a store and he said he would get a statue painted for me via his shop by a buisness friend. After THREE years I still hadn't had my very expensive and rare statue back, but as soon as I got consumer affairs, trading standards and the government involved I had the statue back within two or three months. This was one of my very good friends and we did stop talking for about 6 months - but what I realised was, this person wasn't my friend or they were simply bone idol and selfish - sometimes you have to bring the law into it to let ppl know they can't get away with these things. Luckily I'm back talking to this person now, but I've learnt a lesson and the same trust will never be there.
Listen to Michelle's advice and demand your money back.

Let's just put the bullying me into a ticket aside for the moment-- if she tries to claim as she did that she was coming here to TEACH me Japanese (lie of course, but what she told her husband)-- she hasn't and based on that alone by returning early she is forfeiting the contract. I have this weird sense that her personality is going to bring everyone who she has been irking together in solidarity. One way or another, I expect some sort of (likely non-specific) response from her attempting to validate her viewpoint. If (or when) that time comes, I'm going to remind her of the Rashomon effect. That being said, the moment she accepted my money, particularly when she clearly did not need it, she lost any claim to the high ground in what has transpired. I remember her bragging about in group "poor us" that we have to work so hard (while she sits on her lazy BUTT all day long, drinks sugar drinks and blogs). Sorry... I have to get this out or I will explode. I must say that the background checking she did on me is strange and troubling. Not to mention her bullying me into it with the threat of contacting my ex-editors (a magazine I ran) or whatever-- bullying is illegal, that is down right black mail. I'm not sure even now why she did that except that she sometimes seems obsessed with crawling around in other people's business. You "meet" all sorts of seemingly nice people who can actually be monsters under the surface. If she attacks me, I am going to ignore her entirely. I was willing to give her a chance to make-it-right but her deceptive sneakiness says otherwise. What is really scary, her behavior here did not only show she was depressed but she must be suffering from BPD (Personality disorder). She lied to her husband and said she could not go out for walks, etc while I was working on taking care of things here (been very busy) and that she needs a card to get out.. haha I had to laugh at such a lie. She did not LIFT one finger Whatsoever, she asked to help me twice but -- when I was finished of course. All she did was sit at the computer and drink/eat and blog, maybe she wants to complain that I did not take her out enough but would you? How could I? The thought of spending more money on her just make my skin crawl. Not only that, I was embarrassed to be seen with her. I am not a superficial person but when she attacked every person that looked at her-- it got so tiring- that and her scuffling about like Aloysius Snuffleupagus with bra straps falling about everywhere. Each time someone was curious about her, or looked her way (not making fun of her, just looking out of curiosity) she would say "Take a picture it last longer". My husband is really [censored], I was not even thinking of suing her but he witnessed her behavior first hand as it looks like this is the only way to get SOME of the funds back. I was hoping she would be mature enough to make an attempt. I gave her $1000, and the point is I don't want this situation to consume me, I don't like negativity but I also want my money back. I've put my "REAL" feelings out here, but what would you do, should I Do? I am just damn thankful that in my 20 years, this is only the 3rd worst friend experience...... but still, enough is enough. Okay I take responsibility in allowing her to bully me into it, and for not knowing her well enough.. Thank you for responding, I know I am still bitching about it, but this is the only place that I can. I used to be an "I-don't-take-[censored]-from-anyone-girl" but she played to my sympathetic side. I've lent money before to friends but never had any regrets, never expected it back but this situation is entirely different. It is my fault that I did not get to know her better, I take that responsibility. She just played the song and dance that even her own husband would not help with her ticket so she must go back to work (I then suspected that perhaps he married her for a visa only, as she mentioned he proposed as it was running out-- then I had a clearer picture.. this is just my observation in his/their behavior) looks like the only choices is sending the mail registered to their home in AU, but then it is likely to get intercepted by her.... I noticed face to face she is somewhat of a coward, but behind the computer where she can hide she is monstrous, it is a bit scary because of her illness which she clearly demonstrated. I can only do what I can, normally I would have shrugged it off to an expensive lesson but then she bullied me and black mailed me (so she thought).. and I don't have money falling from the trees.. haha Going to give the letter and legal response a try and I've nicely told her to only contact me in regard to the repayment ONLY but I feel she is dangerous so I have begun making my social interactions and deleting her from my social networks, etc.. I am hoping it won't come to me having to change my e-mail address though, that would be a pain. I appreciate you ladies reading this, and giving me sound advice, I feel much better getting it out of my system.