BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Best friend wants more than friendship...

I'm a little confused about this problem I have. I met a fellow three years ago on a blind date, but felt no attraction. However, we soon became good friends, but he still attempted to pursue me. I made it clear that I didn't feel that way about him and he backed off, but now that I've begun to date someone else, he's gone a little weird. He asks about the guy I'm dating, and when I answer him, he seems to get kind of upset. I'm feeling awful about this, but I also don't feel like I should have to hide my feelings for the guy I'm dating to make my friend more comfortable. Any advice?

Been through this and still going through it although yesterday I had a huge row with my friend and we are now not speaking. I've told him I wanted no relationship with him at all, not even friendship. I have found it extremely upsetting and depressing and have never sunk so low while this was going on during the past 2 years. My boyfriend has been extremely supportive and tolerant but it has been difficult. I never wanted to hurt my friend but all I really wanted was friendship and he wanted more. He asked me to marry him and in his last text to me told me that he still loved me and always would. I feel awful that I couldnt make the friendship work but it was impossible when he felt depressed and jealous over my life with my boyfriend.

I just recently went through this myself. Just friends but felt like they were almost playing out a fantasy about our being together. It escalated to the point I felt I had to move. I did move and he became angry. It is/was a situation where the friendship only increased the desire to have more than what I had to offer. I am happily married and he knew that - I feel there was always hope in there that someday my marriage would end up like many others out there, and he'd be there when this happens.

It's most likely you won't be able to have the kind of relationship with your friend that you're hoping for. Also, as it is you met this person,there are other people out there that may be better for a healthy friendship. Obviously, there's jealousy there and a sense of protecting something they consider to be theirs.

____________________________

Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor
Angel Therapy, Consultations & Courses

Eleise is right on here. you cant have a friendship if the other person is not on the same page as you. I had a friend who was in love with this guy but he just wanted to be friends and I watched her get excited over little things like they had lunch and he smiled at her alot and then become crushed when she saw him flirting with another woman. she was on this roller coaster, over and over again, all the while believing she could somehow sway him to feel differently about her. he never did, and all she got out of it was wasted time and a lot of pain. If he is your friend, dont let him go through that. he needs space from you to get over his feelings for you. maybe in a year when he is dating someone else, you two can have the "just friends" relationship you want.

[quote=frostbitelu]I'm a little confused about this problem I have. I met a fellow three years ago on a blind date, but felt no attraction. However, we soon became good friends, but he still attempted to pursue me. I made it clear that I didn't feel that way about him and he backed off, but now that I've begun to date someone else, he's gone a little weird. He asks about the guy I'm dating, and when I answer him, he seems to get kind of upset. I'm feeling awful about this, but I also don't feel like I should have to hide my feelings for the guy I'm dating to make my friend more comfortable. Any advice? [/quote] Absolutely you are right..! If you want to continue your relation is always good to maintain transparency with your partner.