BellaOnline Forums Family Child Loss Do you think about dying to be with your child?

To some, it might sound morbid but to those who have lost a child, it seems comforting: Do you ever think about dying in order to be rejoined with your child?

I do. I have dreams where he is pulling me by my hand and saying, "Come ON, mommy!!!" And I keep saying, "Oh, darling I want to come but I still need to take care of your brother and sister here but I'll come as soon as I can."

Does that sound morbid to you? I hope not.

That does not sound morbid at all, Lori. My Aunt lost a son when he was just a few years old. They lived (all her married life) in her husband's family home which had been built in the late 1800's and added onto. There were ancestral family spirits there. When the little boy died, he stayed in the home with his Mother and she often saw him waiting for her to "come home with him". As much as she wanted to be with him, she would gently tell him that she had to take care of the other children first. She died at the age of 101 and finally went home with her little boy.

I agree. It's not morbid at all. I think it's perfectly natural to want to be with your child. I remember when Craig was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour and how I, with absolute sincerity, contemplated taking my own life, with Craig, so that he would be spared any suffering and that we could go together. That thought filled me with a calmness that I remember so clearly. But, in time, I knew I couldn't do this. But in the years after him dying, I have often thought of how nice it would be to be with him. But since the birth of my son last year I know that I'm needed here and that in time we will all be together.

I'm so glad, Neville, that you didn't do anything drastic. Now you can see how that wasn't the best thing to do. We living have our tasks, and how lovely for you that yours includes raising another child.
My parents were never the same after my 21-year-old sister died, and perhaps this contributed to my mother's death five years later...although she had had cancer some years earlier.
The thing about life is, we never know what's around the next bend, so we should hang around for it, no matter how painful this day (week, month, year) may be.

I totally agree. It's nowhere near being morbid. I have an aunt who had a son that committed suicide just a few days before Christmas of 2004. To this day, she visits his grave everyday and lays on it wishing she could hold him. She's even talked about leaving this world to be with him. I can't speak for you nor my aunt because I don't have any children but I can only imagine what you two are going through. I would want to do the same thing. But I honestly believe they would be happier if you stayed alive and lived your life to the fullest. And for you, to look after his brother and sister.

Hi, my name is Meschill and I lost my 19-year-old daughter to an auto accident three years ago. I, too, do not think it is morbid. Knowing that I will be with my daughter someday is one of the things that keeps me going.

Sorry to hear of everyone's lost
I to lost two children
My Daughter died 3 hours after birth and
My son was killed at 13yrs old
I so much miss my son i had 2 suicide attempts and was hospitalized both times.
I'm glad i didn't die because i got custody of my grandson when he was a baby. He is 25yrs old now and still lives with me
I think of my son daily who will be dead 24 yrs on Oct 6th
It's not that it gets easier with time, it's that i learn to handle it differently.
We will together someday, And that is comforting for me.

I am so terribly sorry for everyones losses. Death of a child is the most horrific experience. My son died 5 years ago. I also thought long and hard about 'being with him'. It was not that I wanted to die as much as I needed to pain to stop. The 'only' thing that really pulled me through was the love for my other sons. I could not put them through any more pain. As you say, only the berieved can understand such a logic. It is thus. Linda

I have a strong faith that I will be with my son someday. He died at 15. Though, each death after his - my faith isn't changing - but my emotional resolve, wall are beginning to crumble. My mother died last month, my father in December, and my brother on the long drive to South Dakota from California. We bought a house in South Dakota and I had promised to return to pick him up to live with us. Instead, I received a call from the hospital - the life support decision. He died from an infected toe � infection had entered the blood stream and his vital organs quite working. I don�t usually react emotionally but inside I am beginning to falter. There is still much to live for, my husband, daughter, granddaughter, soon to be born granddaughter, or even knowing I would see one more rainbow keeps me moving forward.

Diana, I am so sorry for your losses. I lost my 19 year old daughter three years ago and have had those same feelings. If you don't mind I will pray for you to receive new strength. It is so hard for those of us who are left to carry on and we need to support each other. Meschill Billington Paper Crafts Editor