BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids No Children...Small Family...Concerned!

Hello- First off, I probably the only guy who is even thinking along these lines. It's not the usual guy talk! I am concerned. The older I get, the more concerned I become. I have no children and plan not to have any children. In addition, I have a very small family that quite frankly, doesn't care too much about being close. I think a lot these days about getting older with no support. And I don't mean financially but more emotionally. What if I get sick? What about the holidays? etc? I am guessing that I am not the only one. I am trying to expand my social network and build strong ties with others who are in the same boat. But it's hard finding those people. Do others in this forum have the same concerns? Any suggestions?

I agree it's a problem. I'm from a small family myself, and not close with the "extended" family. It is extremely hard to make new friends once you're in your 30s, because as you said it's hard to find people. I do think it still pays to try to expand your social circle through activities, classes, volunteer work, etc. You never know when you'll make a great new friend and become close over time.

I think there is an opportunity for people like ourselves to potentially join forces. Maybe a group of people who are in the same boat and look to form the kind of bonds that if one goes into the hospital or something of that nature, the Group will be there for support. If I am not mistaken, there are also senior co-ops (mainly back East) of some sorts that allow seniors to live on their own but yet be a part of a bigger group. I prefer not to wait that long to form those bonds :)I'm in my early 40s. I find that in general, people are selfish. If they are not experiencing the same problems or concerns, forget it. Now that selfishness can also come from time restraints i.e. family obligations. My point is that people in our boat will be the only ones with the motivation to do something about it. It's nice to find a forum that one can discuss these issues.

Josh I find myself concerned about this as well. I was hoping to find this kind of support in my religion, but it's been hard to form bonds because everyone in it is older than me (and I'm no spring chicken). I have close friends, but they have families. At work I overhear people talk (one of my jobs is at a hospital, so I see a lot of families coming together OR NOT when a person is sick). A lot of the employees have the mantra "family comes first"- I guess it makes it easier for people to go through life and decide what social events to attend, etc. My family is nice but we never were socialized that way, everyone pursued their own friends and interests, which is a good thing too, but can be lonely.

That's interesting. I am in the insurance business so I see the good and bad of how children behave. Sometimes the children are very willing to help their parents but I have to tell you that most of the time, the children couldn't care less and are just waiting for the big check to arrive. Very sad. So for those who think children will solve this problem or even family for that matter, think again! I really think there is a need for a website/community/organization that could bring people like us together for support. Maybe one day I will try to put something together as again, people in our shoes will be the only ones with the motivation and need for this kind of thing.

I'm afraid of this as well but, eh, what can you do? Life is hard and it always will be. Doesn't get any easier with or without kids. I'm just going to plan best I can for the future.

MY HUSBAND & I MARRIED WHEN WE HIT 50+. THERE NEVER WAS A QUESTION WHETHER TO HAVE CHILDREN - FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS - BEFORE OR SINCE. I DO THINK ABOUT OUR DECLINING YEARS - & AM PLANNING ON HAVING A "IN LAW" APARTMENT BUILT INTO OUR RETIREMENT HOME IN N.M.. WHETHER THIS IS FOR MY MOM - OR FOR A CARE GIVER - IT SEEMS PRACTICAL AS WE'RE MOVING TO A VERY REMOTE AREA. FORTUNATELY - WE'RE BOTH 'LONERS'. OUR TIME TOGETHER TAKES PRIORITY OVER EVERYTHING & ONE ELSE. IT WILL BE TOUGH FOR THE SURVIVOR ONCE ONE OF US PASS ON - BUT WE HAVE ACCEPTED THAT. WE CAN BOTH FUNCTION QUITE WELL WITHOUT COMPANY. NEITHER OF OUR FAMILIES ARE TERRIBLY CLOSE EITHER WITH THE EXCEPTION OF MY MOTHER. WE DO - HOWEVER - HAVE A COUPLE OF VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. THEY COME TO STAY WITH US EVERY CHANCE THEY GET - & WE'RE GLAD TO SEE THEM!! THAT WILL BE THE BIGGEST LOSS ONCE WE MOVE 2000 MILES AWAY. IF IN YOUR LIFETIME - YOU CAN COUNT ENOUGH TRUE FRIENDS TO FILL THE FINGERS OF ONE HAND - YOU'RE DOING REMARKABLY WELL. EVERYONE ELSE - REALLY - IS JUST AN ACQUAINTANCE.