BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids The Dreaded Shower...

Hello,

It has been quite a while since I posted. While away I finally married my SO of many years and have managed to make a few good CF friends(they are both CF by circumstance) who are actually my age!

Anyway I thought I'd post about yet another baby shower that I had to spend money and time on for someone I've only actually spoken to about twice in my life.

This time it was my cousin in law. She's a nice girl, from what I know of her, and I really wasn't too upset about the two hour trip (each way) to what was essentially a very boring gathering of mostly strangers, but while I was there something dawned on me. I bounced it off five women of varying ages and they all seemed to think I am totally batty. I'm interested to see what you guys think.

There were several things about this shower that I thought were a little strange. For one thing, This shower was for a SECOND BABY. She and my cousin already have a four year old son. Another thing that wierded me out was that all of the women present who had young children brought them to the shower. For me this really reinforced the feeling that I didn't belong there. As I sat there among all the mommies for the "main event" present opening I started thinking that if it was me sitting there opening nipple sterilizers and snot suckers or whatever, that I wouldn't expect everything to be new. AND what was I even doing at this mommy party where it seemed like everyone was speaking a foreign language using words like formula and colic?

Shouldn't showers be gatherings for mommies only? Does anyone else think it should just be women who have actually had children passing down advice and gently used baby things to first time mothers?

Sorry but first off I don't understand why you 'had' to go to this shower! After attending a few baby showers in my early 20's, I swore off going unless the woman was a very good friend/close relative. If the woman was the SO of good friend/close relative, I would send a gift and regrets for not being able to attend. Anymore distant than that - no gift, no torturing myself going. Your thought does have some merit but there are many who do like going to baby showers and yet don't have kids, at least not yet. Especially if the pregnant woman is young and most of her friends aren't at the same stage yet but want to support her.

According to etiquette only the 1st baby gets a shower - because as you said, the parents should have most of what they need.

But often times if the 2nd baby is of the opposite sex or if a long time has gone between (and yard sales have been thrownn ;))a 2nd shower will be given.

Your drive would have been an excellent and very real excuse for not attending thios shower.

Also, etiquette normally calls for adults only - but this is a time and age of single Moms where babysitters cannot always be found.

I think these days baby showers are like weddings and wedding showers. As far as children being present, like at weddings, it just depends on what the mom-to-be wants. If this mom already had a toddler, it makes sense to me she would have lots of other friends with young children. I don't think it's always a single-mom situation. I have a baby shower coming up for my new sister in law, and I'd love to go alone, but I've been told the presence of my daughters (her nieces) is required...

As far as second showers, I have to say I didn't have any showers for my second daughter, but I guess it depends on who your friends are and if they want to throw one for you.

Personally, I do wish more showers were for second-hand items. I know I am passing lots of our items on to my sister-in-law, who is pretty sustainability minded and doesn't care if all her things "match." And her gift from me is a few baby books I like and guides to life with kids in her area that I got from a bookswapping site. I have to admit though, this wouldn't have occurred to me as a new mom. The "register at Babies R Us thing" really has a lot of well-marketed momentum behind it... sigh.

Nicki

I do exactly as Fastfox. I don't mind baby showers though. In fact, I actually have fun when I go. But there are times where I just don't feel comfortable at certain places or with certain people and I won't go.

As for more than one baby shower, everyone I know does it all the time :S I didn't even know you weren't supposed to do that. Guess with my large, crazy family, they need all the gifts they can get lol.

I veto all these events. They are torture for the child-free. I also veto bridal showers though. Personally I don't find these events fun at all, and I don't think anyone "has" to go to them no matter how close the friend. But I'm also from a culture where there aren't any bridal or baby showers, so it already feels forced and unnatural to me.

I like wedding showers because I'm married so I can relate. I hate baby showers because I can't relate, and also because I'm on the fence (I want to be some kind of parent, like a foster parent) and my husband wants to remain childfree (I can't blame him for that). So I only go to the latter if it's a really really close friend. I've never been invited to a second child shower, I think that having one is kind of odd.

hmm, even when I was a kid, I always hated showers, they're SO boring. I usually don't go to baby showers. Now that I'm married I will probably avoid them like the plague (unless it's for someone I'm very close to)hahaha! I don't know that they should be for moms only, but don't force yourself to go to them. if it's someone you really care for just send a gift .