BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse I'm a newbie to this site! Please read!

Hello. This is my first time on this site and I'm very new to the whole forum writing. I'm to the point in my life where I need people to talk to. I'm 23 years old and very depressed. I am searching for therapy but unfortunately, not in a place where I have insurance at the moment. Until then, I would love to talk to other women, to share our life stories, and maybe even find some women that have been through what I have. From the time I was 5 until I was 13, I was sexually abused/molested by a male cousin. And since then, I haven't been the same since. There's not a day goes by that a thought of what he's done to me pops in my head. I cry at least once a day. I'm not mentally here anymore. He never took my virginity away (although he tried one time and I fought back and was able to run away), but for what he's done to me and what he made me do to him, I have no interest in sex like a 23 year old should be. I am happily engaged to the love of my life, and sometimes, I want no part in any sexual activity. It has nothing to do with him (trust me, he is gorgeous!!!), but just the idea of sexual things turns me away. I've been to therapy for a few months but it really didn't help. It was a group therapy and I never really got a chance to speak. I would love to talk to someone. Not for therapeutic sake, but just a friend. Someone who I can relate with, or someone who is interested in what I have to say, or wants to ask me a question or wants to share their story with me. I would love to hear back from you. Thank you for listening. :)

Silent_Cry03,
Welcome to the forum! You will find that there are many supportive members on this forum.

I'm so sorry to hear of what you endured as a child. I had similar experiences from both an older cousin and a neighborhood boy; however not to the length of time that you endured. I do understand the lack of desire for intimacy, as I have experienced that as well.

I hope that you are able to find a therapist that can help you walk this part of your journey. Therapy has played a large role in my healing.

You are free to share whatever you are comfortable with sharing. I encourage you to look at some of the past topics, since I believe this topic has been touched on previously.

Again, welcome!

Thanks, Kelli. :)

hi, I'm new here, I was abused too for many years by my grandfather and brother, i get what you mean by not wanting the sexual aspect of the relationship sometimes, i too felt like that. It does get better at least it did for me until recently. I'm 32 now and I have been married 9 years and have 3 wonderful kids. I haven't started therapy yet, I'm just seeing my doctor at the moment. I can barely write down what happened to me never mind say it out loud. I have pushed most of my friends away over the years so i wouldn't have to confide, so if you ever feel like talking, I would be happy to. I'm glad that you found someone to trust and make you happy, it makes all the difference.

janie76,
First, let me welcome you to the forum! There are many supportive members of this forum.

It is my hope that you find this forum a safe place for you to begin talking through your process to healing. I know how tremendously difficult it is to even whisper what happened to you. Sharing our painful past is never easy and takes great courage.

I am here if you need to talk. I also encourage you to find a therapist you can trust to begin talking it through.

Hi, I understand about intamicy issues as until i turned 30 and found a wonderful man i disliked any sexual contact that involved vaginal penetration. But found other acts that were more comfrotable. the man i mentioned before has helped me past that in the 4 yrs we have been togeather. my problem is that i have been abused in so many different ways that i am sort of digging through the layers. complicated by mental illness as well. I believe my sexual abuse started in infancy and continued till i was 5 when my abuser moved to another state. though as i found it seemed i was a magnet for abusive people almost like there was no safety anywhere i had men trying though once he left i became withdrawn to the point of only staying over at one aunts house.

rae-rae75,
First, welcome to the forum!

I have been told by a professional that many people that were abused will come to a point where it seems that they attract other abusers. I'm not sure why this is though, but apparently it's a normal thing. So, it is best that a person that has been abused seek help to heal from it. It's my understanding that once a person has been abused, especially as a child, they shift towards the behaviors and personalities of their abuser. Thus, the feeling that they are magnets for abusers. The best way to get past this is to seek help through therapy so they can heal and learn healthy behaviors.

It sounds like your partner of 4 years is very supportive and understanding. That is so important in the healing process.

Again, welcome to the forum!

Thank you i have been wrestling for years with why it seemed that any older man saw in that way or i feared if they didn't at first that it was only a matter of time. The man i am with now we met online and talked through email and onthe phone for a month before meeting in person i have noticed as i have grown up and matured that i relate to men who are younger than myself but have also been wounded in some way his is that he suffered negelct after his parents devoirced when he was 9. he is nine and a half years younger than me but we seem to kind of protect one another if that makes since. we love each other and i have been discussing the memories that are coming back a little each day. the strange this when his friend was asking about his girlfriends daughter i gave him the advice that she should be checked by a doctor for related injuries and my man told him to listen i dont know how but she is usually right about things like this and agreed with my conclusions.

rae-rae75,
It sounds like your partner really supports you and that is so important to have that in your journey to healing! Thank you for sharing.

Hang in there, everyone. Therapy is tough. I have been seeing a Christian therapist for years because I have had major depression isuues for ages. God has guided me through all of this, and I am convinced that, for me, it's the answer in helping me get through this. I feel that going through the pain is the way to get out of it; eventually. I have no idea how long it will take; I have only been consciously aware of my abuse/incest issues for 6 weeks. God bless you all!