BellaOnline Forums Family Early Childhood I hate potty learning!!

We are having a very stressful week due to finally getting my 4 year old to use the potty for pooping. We are on day 4 and she still asks for a diaper to go. We are holding firm, because at this point, we know she can do it, she just doesn't want to. I am so stressed out over this, I know she has to go, I know her belly probably hurts, but she's still holding out for the diaper.

Rhymia,

Someone told me once, and it's always stuck with me, that you can try to make a child eat what you want, sleep when you want, and potty where and when you want. And sometimes you will be successful, when they are willing to go along with you, but ultimately, you can not truly FORCE any of these things. They ultimately have to control their own body to take on these acts.

If it helps, my daughter actually started (1/2 day) kindergarten still pooping in a pull up. She said it just "felt right" to her. Her teacher actually made it one of her personal goals to *try* each day in the potty at least one time. She made a monthly calendar each month in school and we used it to put a sticker on each day to track (not reward, just keep track) of when she had tried, and a different sticker when she actually went. Eventually, she was ready and just always went in the potty. Ultimately, they have to buy into wanting to do it, or it's all about power, not pooping.

So much of pottying is not physical (as in, she *can* do it) but psychological (*will* she do it). My personal advice would be to do your best to make it about the pottying, not about a power struggle or about holding firm. Otherwise, she'll NOT do it just to maintain a measure of control. If you simply offer each time and make it her choice, she may start to ask for it because it's not in her control.

That's my 2 cents and experience anyway, for what it's worth. :-)

Nicki

Unfortunately for us, sending her off to school not potty trained isn't an option. We have all day kindergarden and it's expected that the children will be able to toilet independently. On a more superficial side, I don't want her to get teased by the other children. I'm all for following a child's lead, which is why when she turned 2, and the usual suspects (ie: grandparents, aunts & uncles) started "suggesting" we potty train, I nodded and smiled and didn't do anything..she wasn't ready and I wasn't going to knock myself out trying. Same when she was 3. And up until recently I would put on the pull up. It's just gotten to be to much.

Hi,

I've had this exact issue with two kid brothers and all three of my own children. Every one of them potty trained late, simply because it was so much easier to go in the diaper than interrupt what they were doing to go to the bathroom. In fact, my middle child explained to a friend of mine that she didn't need to bother going potty because Mommy would clean her up. Obviously, there is a stubborn streak in our family that is about a mile wide...

Anyway, the way we handled this issue with each one once they reached the age of 4, and were quite obviously able to potty consistently but not willing to do so, I gave a one week warning. I explained that once that week was over, there would be no more diapers. And, if they didn't go to the bathroom to handle business, washing out the soiled clothing would be their responsibility. Each of them washed out one set of soiled undies, then decided that going potty was a much better way to handle things.

Obviously, this isn't the solution for a child who hasn't got the physical control to stay clean and dry, but for children who do, but simply refuse to take the time or make the effort....facing the unpleasant natural consequences of their refusal to use the bathroom can be a great motivator.

I had the same problem with my last daughter and what we did was put a chart on the bathroom door and everytime she went, she was allowed to put a star on the chart and when it was filled up, she was allowed to buy a toy that she wanted and when she put a star on the chart, we also gave her a couple of M&M's for instant gratification as well.

It worked and didn't take two weeks for her to be trained after that.

This was us - we finally had to say enough. She was fully capable, but refused. It was a hard week, but once she realized the gig was up, that was it. She was so proud of herself. Now we have her little sister (who turned 3 at the end of July) and is showing 0 interest.