BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I am no longer going to explain....

...to people why we don't want kids. I don't want them, that should be enough explaination in it self.And why is it that people feel they are entitled to ask me for my reasons for not wanting kids, I have never asked anyone who got pregnant: Why do you want this child.....(that is considered rude.....) how do you deal with that question and how do you anwser it?

Ha! It's never enough for "those people" to just say you don't have any or even don't want any! I've tried everything from funny responses to ones that are a bit rude, and none of them work.

HappytoBeMe-

I recently decided to respond to the question with a simple "I CAN'T have kids". My reasoning is, the person will feel like a moron for asking in the first place, and maybe in the future they won't subject anyone to such a personal question!

Your post made me think about something, though. Maybe a good response to "Why don't you want kids" IS "Why did YOU want kids!?" If someone is being rude or nosy, put it right back on them.

A method I've used in the past is just being really vague, and then changing the subject. =)

Shnicky- you have a good point! Have you ever tried saying you can't have kids?

I heard an actress once say that she loved kids but just didn't feel the need to have any of her own. "Just didn't feel the need..." I like that. I think you could also follow it up with saying you feel this is a blessing, as you enjoy keeping your life simple.

I sometimes say some funny, self-deprecating thing such as, "I'm such a kid myself, if I had a child, it probably wouldn't survive!" I always follow with a laugh of course. I have "many" times said, "I have a hard enough time as it is taking care of myself!" This usually gets a laugh out of people, and most seem to relate to this. However, I occasionally have the person that counters what I say, but I feel it's usually done with good intentions behind it and support towards me. This isn't a question I'm asked very often though (I'm single), so I'm sure the responses I've so far received are just a fraction of the types of responses out there!

You know I don't think there's a way out of this one. Sure, you can stump a few people with a couple of clever quotes but it won't work with everyone.

I haven't had anyone pry into why I don't want kids and I've made it pretty clear to those who have asked that I don't want children, ever. Sure they give me a weird look, but I haven't had anyone continue to push the issue. Well, other than my aunt and mother but them I can handle.

I think if it ever got that bad with anyone, I would get upset and tell them to stop it or I wouldn't talk to them ever again. I just couldn't deal being bothered with it over and over. I've never kept people like that around. Don't care if you're family or not, keep it up and you'll get ignored.

I do get tired of being asked sometimes. I also feel as if some mothers talk about their children being blessings in front of me almost as if they're bragging about it. Trying to persuade me that it's something I should do. I get that they love their children, I just don't get how telling me this is going to change my mind.

I live next to a family with 4 kids and another across that had 5, but are now retired. They HATE me! I can't help think that they are jealous, but I don't want to be arrogant. I love my life! I remodeled my house when I first moved into this neighborhood. That probably put a sticker in their butt. I'm sure they are saying things like "well, she doesn't have kids, so she can afford it". I never wanted to say those words or say things like "We can't because of the kids".."it's too expensive with the kids". I hear so much of that and I never wanted my kids to be a reason for not doing what I want in life. Of course, if you answer the question "why don't you want kids", from someone who has kids and is in this position, IT WOULD REALLY HURT THEIR FEELINGS AND YOU'LL BE THE SELFISH, INSENSITIVE, CHILDLESS PERSON ONCE AGAIN! MeganMNK

Don't worry about what others think about you. It was their decision to have children, and you shouldn't feel guilty that you followed your own respective life path. I'm a firm believer that if someone can't respect your personal decisions in return, they are not worth the energy of a friendship. When they say things like "we can't do this or that because of the kids", you are being disrespected. They should know better than to make a CF person feel less because he/she took a different path in life.

Also know that there are many parents out there that ARE interested in your life. I used to assume that a lot of my parent friends didn't care about my dreams or goals, but when I got the courage to open up and talk about them, they were very receptive and interested. That's because they are truly my friends -- they care about me and not my lifestyle choices.

thanks so much for all your respones. Being on this forum really gives me strength and I have you all to thank for that. THANKS! I do feel like one of the lucky ones, love my life, love my husband and I have an uncle who is gay, and doesn't have kids and an aunt who doesn't have kids so they totally understand me and are a good example of how to stay true to yourself and be happy with the choices you make! Eventhough the rest of society has a hard with it!

I usually tell people that I can come up with 50 reasons not to have kids and can think of no reasons to have kids. That shuts them up. Or just plain and simple " I'm not a baby factory"

Yes! This last one is just the best...50 reasons not to, and not a single reason to do so! But seriously, the closest thing I get to acceptance is when people ask if I'm planning to have kids and I say no. They express astonishment and then that's the end of the conversation. But EVERYONE is astonished. I have never met anyone in my daily life, travel, conferences etc. who is not surprised by a simple "no." This in itself is annoying...but it's much more typical for the person to try to convince me I'll change my mind or that I don't know what I'm missing!

I wish I was like Jellyroll and had already had the conversations enough times that everyone I knew already knew how I felt about kids. Unfortunately, I move fairly frequently and travel a lot with my work so I'm always meeting new people, and therefore always being asked the question.

On the MNK articles page there are tons of funny suggestions for dealing with the question, explaining your CF status etc. but frankly I don't find they work. You still get the shocked stare and uncomfortable silence.