BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage is there such a thing?

I have been married for 12 years. For 11 years although our relationship has always been crazy rocky but I did not doubt that we love each other. On my 12th year I started to really hate my husband and care so much for another guy... nothing sexual, we are so close to each other that we both love sending text messaging to one another. I run his company and I know he loves me as his most valued employee and considers me more as a partner than an employee.... he tells me that I could not leave him because he will find me no matter where I hide. I think about him more and want to spend more time with him than my husband.... Is there such a thing? Am I in love? I tried my best to be more affectionate to my husband but its hard... Have I fallen out of love with my husband? My husband tells me that he loves me all the time, and he thinks I'm in love with my boss. Of course I denied it. One day my husband said "I hate your boss so much I want to kill him", Of course that made me more mad and scared at the same time. The crazy part of this is that my boss is 10 years younger than me, he is single (no girlfriend at this time), he is a muslim and verbalized to me that he wants to marry a muslim and I am the opposite... married, older & Catholic.... Any thoughts???? I hate the feeling of as if I am "cheating" but I can't help it...

Hi Sharon,

Let's put aside the fact that you are married, for a moment, and consider a possible relationship with your boss. Because even if you were unmarried and free to pursue him, you would end up disappointed.

He and his family will not accept the fact that you are Catholic and ten years older. Period. If he is a good, practicing Muslim, he will never consider marrying outside his faith. You are wasting your time, energy and emotions.

The thing is you "fell in love" with him because you have a close working relationship where he needs and depends upon you. You mistook that for love. It isn't.

Now, let's remember that you are a married woman. If he is a good, practicing Muslim, he would never consider committing adultery. As a Catholic, you shouldn't be considering adultery either. In heart, mind or body. At least as a Catholic, you can go to confession and make amends.

Let's consider your husband of 12 years. You said you did not doubt that you loved each other until now. You feel that way only because you've become infatuated by your boss. Once you come out of the haze that makes you believe you and your boss can have a relationship, you will remember that you love your husband.

Your husband has a 12 year track record with you. Be careful not to imagine that your boss is better. He is a man with his own imperfections. If you spent 12 years with your boss, you'd see them.

My advice to you is to see your work relationship for what it is: a business relationship. Otherwise, you could end up risking your job and not just your marriage.

In fact, if it were possible, I would quit your job. Your husband's ominous comments could land you three in a horrible situation.

I agree 100% with Lori.

I personally think it would be healthiest and wisest to end this affair. I only see bad things coming your way because of it.

I hope you can repair your feelings and marriage. Wish you all the best.

I agree as well. Sorry but this is just how things start. I have been the inoccent victim in this type of thing and it is not nice.

Dear Lori, Thank you for your advice... you sound alot like my conscience. To tell you the truth I thought of quitting but didn't. I even mentioned it to my husband but he himself did not agree (I think because of the recession)he knows I get paid very well and may not find another good paying one right away. After reading your message I looked at my boss differently. I still like him a lot but I try my best to ignore the feeling ( & ignore him)... Of course that same week I had to be with him for 2 lunch meetings & a dinner meeting and a long drive to san francisco to meet clients...It was very hard but your message keep on creeping in my thoughts. He was very concerned because he thought I was sick. I am seriously looking for a different job & mentioned it to my co-worker who told another person in our company. Of course it spread like wildfire, my boss called me and inquired if what he heard was true... I denied it because I have not found a job yet. Again, he said I can't leave him and offered so many perks that are hard to find anywhere else and promised me a great future together. It sounds wonderful but confusing. Your message is keeping me grounded and away from trouble... Thanks again. Sincerely, Sharon