BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Hi everyone! I'm new here & I also need help

Hi all, I came across this forum while I was searching for definitions of child abuse in Florida and signs of an abusive parent. My ex-husband and I have shared custody of our 12 year old son, but when we divorced ten years ago, I allowed my ex to have residential care and I have secondary. Had I known what I know now, I NEVER would have let that happen. My ex-husband is so vindictive that he has (for the past 10 years) used my beautiful child as a pawn in his campaign to stalk me. By stalking, I mean that he has threatened to kill me 3 different times, he threatened to beat my new husband up and if I don't do what he wants, he threatens harm on my son. 3 weeks ago, my son relayed a story of sexual misconduct at the hands of his father. At this very moment, I am trying to locate my son (my ex-husband took him somewhere and I don't know where and they refuse to answer the phone). Child has had suicidal thoughts because of his father's abuse (and was hospitalized at my request once for that - and the crisis center released the child to the father, who subsequently threatened the child for saying anything). The child has been diagnosed 3 times in the past 19 months with depression and the father has absolutely refused any treatment for the child (either counseling or medication). Any attempts on my part to get child help have been immediately cut off by the father. When he first got with his girlfriend (the 1st girlfriend since we divorced in 2001), he gave me my son and just left him with me, which was fine. I still have to pay $500 monthly in child support, which I pay. But, he doesn't use the money to pay my son's expenses so if I don't pay the state, I get arrested. If I don't pay for the educational assistance my son needs, he doesn't get the assistance. Now, my ex told me last week that I will never talk to my son again because he is going to kill me this time. Son is now missing (ex's girlfriend texted me and said child was at the beach but has refused to answer where he is or with who). For the past 3 days, unknown cars have been parked outside, looking at my house (I live on dead end) and last night, someone jimmied the front door knob trying to get in but my barking dogs scared them off. I don't know what my son is going through. Authorities are useless here. They automatically say that your claims are bogus because you just want custody, but it's not true. What on earth do I do? (sorry for the long story).

MySonNeedsHelp,
I am so worried for your safety, as well as the safety of your son. Your ex-husband sounds extremely dangerous. Have you considered getting a restraining order against him? Have you been documenting everything that is happening? Have you informed the courts that your ex-husband has taken your son somewhere and you have no contact with him anymore? I'm sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to think of ways that you may be able to get help for your son. I am so saddened and very troubled at what you are both enduring.

Hi Kelli, Thank you very much for your concern. I am not as worried about myself as I am about my son. I am considering getting a restraining order and a Protective Order, but I'm so scared to file anything when I don't even know where my son is. Filing something will make my ex-husband angrier and I can't stand to think that he would hurt my son more because of it. I have documented every single thing that has happened since October of 2007 in a journal. I tried to notify local law enforcement about my son missing but they say that we have shared custody and he has a right to take him anywhere he wants without telling me (I'm not sure about that though). My new husband and I have come up with a game plan that we hope might work. I would appreciate your feedback and everyone else's on what we can up with. The ex's girlfriend said my son would be back Sunday. I was going to try to contact my son Sunday evening or Monday and if I'm unsuccessful still, I was going to file for the Protection Order for me and my son as well as an Emergency Child Pick Up Order so the sheriff can forcibly take my son away from his father and bring him to me. I am also going to a local women's counseling center the first of next week to help me cope with this on-going and escalating abuse by my ex-husband. I now have high blood pressure for the first time in my life and my body has broken out all over in what the doc called stress sores. My son and I need someone to help. Thank you very much.

MySonNeedsHelp,
I want to encourage you on your plan. I think that it is very wise and is looking out for your son's best interest. It will also force the courts to get involved once and for all. As far as whether or not the police can do anything with the fact that hs father has taken him somewhere without your knowledge, they can do something, it just seems as though they are not willing to at this time. I also encourage you with your plans to get into counseling. This will not only help you to sort things out, but will also provide documentation on a professional level, that can and will help you in any future court proceedings. Once the therapist feels as though your son is in any kind of danger, she/he is required to notify the professionals and have him removed from the home. Please do follow through with your plans.

Thank you so much. Your support is just what we need. God blessed me with my son. I also notified my family and friends (and the authorities) of my ex-husband's recent 2 threats to kill me and the subsequent events at my home in case something does happen to me. If something does happen to me, at least the sheriff will know who to look for. Thanks again for your help. I am truly appreciative!

MySonNeedsHelp,
I'm so glad that you let others know of his threats against you! That makes me feel so much better. Please do keep me updated, as you are constantly in my thoughts!

Everyone, Thank you all for your support during this horrible ordeal! I have good news to report. As of this morning, I was able to trick my ex and his new girlfriend to let my son hang out here for the day and I now have my son in my custody. I will not be releasing him back to his father for any reason because I know that my son is save now. Now, we will go our on family vacation and follow through on having my ex prosecuted for child abuse. We will also be in individual and family counseling to cope with the many years of abuse and to help us recover. Again, many thanks for your support and prayers.

Blessings sweetie...it's not an easy path - this one. I've been there.

(((hugs)))

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Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor

I encourage you in this important endeavor. My situation was similar except that I was able to flee far away with my infant son, knowing full well that the father couldn't afford to travel so far to do anything. I was able to terminate the father's rights after three years of separation because although the man was violent and threatening, he was really a coward and never followed through with the court required social study or anything. He didn't show up in court either. He pretended for three years that he would fight me, but finally, on the court date, had his attorney call and say they wouldn't fight me. The judge granted my parental separation when my child was three. My son is 26 now. He is finally doing well. He did meet twice with his father as an adult, and while I never talked bad about his father, he figured out that he had been better off without him. On the second meeting, his father began his abuse and manipuation, even pinning the son (18 at the time) to the wall. My son has thanked me repeatedly for not allowing his father to be involved in raising him. I just wanted you to know that it can work out. Do get counseling though. You may not realize how much the ex has damaged you emotionally because you are so worried about your son. Also, it sounds as if you may have to work within the court system first instead of just fleeing. We hadn't had the courts involved before I left my ex and fled, and I filed for custody, so the sitution is a bit different. Good luck.

Actually, I should clarify that this happened to me in the 80s, and that I live in Texas, so I could go a great distance with my child though I never left the state.