No! You are not crazy! I also was raised by alcoholic parents. Alcohol is a monster that destroys families across America. Many children are abused in many forms, due to alcoholism. You are not crazy and you are not alone in this.
I understand how it feels to just want to be loved and appreciated by your parents. I understand what it feels like to yearn for their approval and acceptance. However, the reality is that if you have not seen any of this from them throughout your lifetime, chances are you may never see these things or receive these things from them. I feel very fortunate in that my mother and I managed to become closer that we ever were about ten years before she died. Did she still drink? Yes. But I did not talk with her when she was drunk. The memories that I cherish now of her, are those of when she was not drunk. Only in the last 8 years did she ever tell me she was proud of me and she constantly told me she loved me when she was sober. That meant more to me than anything because she didn't say it drunk.
My siblings and I were all pretty messed up because of what we endured. One sister, in particular, is now battling alcoholism and struggles daily with her past abuse.
My point in sharing all of this is that some are fortunate to eventually gather that approval and acceptance from their parents, while others never gain it.
Please do not overwhelm yourself with not being able to gain your parents approval. Know that it is not about you, in the sense that it is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. You have only longed for what every child longs for: to be loved, accepted, and approved of. Those are normal things to want when children or adults. Those are healthy things to long for. However, as an adult, and being that your parents are still not changing, perhaps it is time to let them go. I agree with the comment above on toxic people. If this continues to burden you, please seek therapy. It really can help.
Please know that you can always come here to share. There are so many supportive and caring members here that have walked your journey, myself included.
Last edited by kellideister; 02/04/09 12:58 AM.