BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I know we've tried to explain this but how come?

You know, I am really baffled by how our friends, families and coworkers alike always try to make us CF's change our minds... I really can't understand it... I have a friend who insists that my relationship with my cat resembles that of her and her daughter... in order for me to be convinced that it automatically follows that I want to have kids@#$%^&*() she honestly believes this... mind you I have been trying to get rid of my cat....forever...and I don't because I feel bad that I adopted it in the first place... so I now have to stick with it for as long as it lives. Somehow this woman whenever I mention my cat reckons that I might as well have kids since its all the same. WHAT THE @#$%^&*!!!!! . What pisses me of even more is that she always talks about "when" I have kids... and how she's now got all this experience so I can learn from her... "when" its my turn.... WHAT!!!!!????? SO it makes me sooooo angry. I just don't understand why these people don't get it, moreso, why are they sooooo desperate for us to have kids... they have so many other friends and relatives with kids. What the heck is thier obsession with us in particular!!!! Is it baby brians, that stops them from being able to remember the last 100000 times you've told them? I am sooo sick of it. I just try to avoid them... its just tough because they are one of those relationships that you can't can't readily get rid of...because they are couple friends and my husband is soooo loyal. I am really starting to feel a deep hatred towards them. NEEDED TO VENT... to be honest I wanted to really swear but "you know"

It must be really frustrating to hear this over and over again, but have you been able to come up with a phrase that will shut her up once and for all? I mean, I can't believe she would bug you so much about it knowing how you feel. It's very disrespectful. I don't know if I'm lucky or what, but I'm surrounded by a lot of ppl that support the cf lifestyle or couldn't care less if you have kids or not. I know of 2 women that chose to be cf and they are very happy. I also have 2 friends that went as far as *begging* me not to have kids, and they gave me themselves as an example of how kids can ruin your life (their children are adults now). Also, my family is very supportive, and when I told my mom and sister that I chose to be CF, they were not surprised at all - my sister said I never showed any "nurturing" traits. I think co-workers asked me ONCE when (and if) I would have kids, right after I got married. But since then, they never asked me again. It is definitely a plus to be cf in a supportive environment and hope that one day this will be the trend and not the exception! I hope your friend will stop bugging you once and for all, if not try to avoid her as much as possible.

You know, this "friend" sounds really thick-headed and is just not going ot get it.

Are you a good actress? You ought to invite her out to lunch one day and just break out into tears about hwo you can't have children, blah, blah and there's already been one failed adoption attempt and you just can't atand to hear about it any more because it just drives knives into your soul.

Betcha she'd stop then.

Lol! xD

I understand your frustration. Just had my mom and aunt ask me about babies this past weekend. Even after I've explained to my mother over and over why I don't want kids, she continues to ask.
After I tell them I won't, they tell me I should just to make my husband happy. So I tell them if he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is. Then they sit there, looking at me in horror.
I have only one aunt who supports my child free choice. She's the only one honest enough to tell me how difficult it is to deal with kids. I appreciate that of her.

My husband is also having problems with people at work. I told him to tell them that I've had my tubes tied. Hopefully that'll shut them up.

I don't know why people feel the need to confront us on this subject. It's none of their damn business yet they feel as if it is. And they just don't ask once, they continue to press the issue.

Perhaps you should ignore that person altogether and keep your distance. If they're your husband's friends then he can chit chat with them on his own time. They don't need to be near you. Being away from that pestering woman will be healthy for your state of mind and blood pressure.

People still won't stop. Trust me. I am one of those who coudln't have children, tried to adopt but couldn't, and people still tell me that I shouldn't stop trying because they think I need to be a mother. Hello? I'm now divorced and happy with my life. Could they PLEASE just stop bringing up me having kids? Esp at my age? And esp after all the crud already? They think that since I attempted an adoption once, then it means I should want to try again. Going through that and then finding out the mother had changed her mind about me (fortunately we weren't even to the attorney stage yet; just in the talking stage) was devastating. Even just going that far. I don't want to do that to my heart again. I can take a hint. Children are NOT in the plan for me, and I've accepted it. It's just that a lot of other people can't accept that I've accepted it.

Sorry, this just hit me weird this morning.

People don't want to understand others or accept differences because it would mean they'd have to put themselves into someone else's shoes for a moment. They don't like to accept that someone else's reality might be different from theirs. And I think that worries them. For some reason, they can't imagine someone choosing or accepting a different path from theirs. I don't know why, but that's the vibe I get from them.

These same people who want everyone else in the world to have kids are the ones who complain constantly about their own children. So I don't get that either.

I am also lucky to be around people that are supportive of us being CF. Every once in a while I will come across someone who just doesn't understand.
My mom told me I could say I can't have children, but I Refuse to lie about it. It is our life and my body, we will do what we think is best for us and I see no reason to have to lie or make excuses about it. That is just my opinion though. Sometimes you just have to do what works!

I assume that you have talked to your husband about it? So at least he would understand you not wanting to be around them much. Maybe just tell her you don't want kids, her trying to convince you will not change your mind, the conversation makes you uncomfortable, etc. Or, "I respect your opinion but I do not want that for my life. I would appreciate it if you would respect our choices and leave us alone about it." Or, "This topic is no longer up for discussion between us." If she is a real friend she will stop nagging at you and get on with the friendship. If not, then like others have said, start to take her out of your life.

Holles,

I'm sorry - I did not mean to be cruel or to hurt you. I forget that this forum attracts both childfree and childless. That was thoughtless of me.

My aunt and uncle both carry a genetic marker that makes having children very dangerous. They were extremely lucky in having their son, and did not find out about this (it is called Meckel Gruber Syndrome) until their 2nd child was born with such severe birth defects that he only lived for 30 minutes. They have a 1 in 4 chance of having a child with no problems, and so decided not to risk it anymore and went the adoption route. Failed adoptions broke their hearts.

I remember actually that yes this woman is quite dim.. she's the one who exclaimed : Noone tells you this!!! after she couldn't fit into her clothes at 8 months pregnant. I have always suspected that she was not quite there mentally, but I though gees... what a shocker!!! So yes you are right spritually fed.. she's not very switched on... one wonders how we are even friends. Yes I have spoken to my husband, and he's agreeable, whenever he has to spend time with them, he won't insist on taking me with him. Just as well, cause I always end up drinking too much... to drown or "dim" noises. Its no point I think sometimes trying to make sense to someone who has no senses even about thier own life... she has always been a crowd follower, so you know. You guys are right. 1. she's not very bright, 2. avoid her. Done, and done!!!! I'm going to get a friend to hold me accountable.