BellaOnline Forums Family Adoption Grandparents adopting grandchildren

Mom called on Saturday and said she was going to come over twice this week but was unsure when. My husband was grumping about the extra visits, I know he is so upset about not being able to adopt our grandaughter. The whole situation has been a horrible mess. I just keep telling him it will be better for our grandaughter to get to know her mom. I think it is going to be difficult for everyone once she goes back with the mom. Especially for our grandaughter who won't be old enough to understand. During our classes they had told us that moving a child sets them back 6 months or more and how they are not as mature as other children their own age. I can see how that would be true. It makes you feel for all the children that are in the foster care system. Life is hard enough without having problems!

Hi Connie!

How did the visits go this week?

My heart goes out to and your husband--I know this has got to me so stressful.

I think you're right, that if you granddaughter is able to get to know her mom, and her mom provides a safe, loving environment for her, maybe things will turn around. At the very least, your relationship with your granddaughter can continue to grow, even after the move.

That being said, I'm sure you and your husband are going through so much right now. Are you seeing any progress at all on the other side?

Hang in there, and know that we're here for you on the forum always, but especially during these next few months.

Well, she did not call until Thursday. I had called the worker and told her she had not made one phone call or visit all week and I am assuming the call was because of the worker. That is what upsets me more than anything, her blase attitude towards everything. I had told my worker that the worker from the other county was being audited and they picked our case so today a lady from the state came to visit us. Actually she did give us some hope and made some suggestions and said it seemed like the mother had every chance/opportunity but was not doing anything. I don't know though, it just seems like no one is looking out for our grandaughter's well being. So basically we had to tell the whole story from the begining again and I had to leave the room once to cry and so now I just feel so exhausted. I guess because I love my children dearly and just can't imagine not wanting to be part of their lives.

Hi Connie!

Wow--it sounds like today was an emotionally exhaustive day.

I'm so sorry that the visits did not happened this week as were talked about. I can't imagine your disappointment.

It seems like the person that visited you today had more insight or more of a realistic view of what was going on from your post. I know it was hard (to say the least) for you to explain everything from the start.

I am thankful you had the chance to go over everything to someone that really listened and offered some hope.

Connie, stay strong! I've gotten so much strength (as many others I'm sure) from reading everything you have been through, and seeing what an amazing mom and grandmother you are.

I know it doesn't take away the pain of the entire situation, but know that you have all the support of us here!

Thanks for your support Brandii...this is such a hard thing to go through. We want the best for our grandaughter and I just worry so much about her future. Just the fact that her mom can go so long without seeing her or calling to check on her worries me. They just don't have a bond. And with a new baby coming the baby is going to take all her attention and I just don't feel it is fair to my grandaughter. And the DHS keeps telling me she needs to be with her mom. I told them that is in a perfect world. This situation is not a perfect one.

But anyway, my brother will be here today from Pennsylvania and we have not seen him in a year. I am so glad they are coming here because it is too late for me to be able to get a visit okayed. I just feel sad to not be able to go to my moms so we can all be together. My mom cried on the phone to me last night about wishing I would be there when he was and it was all I could do not to cry too! We have already made plans anyway for the upcoming holiday. My younger daughter is coming to visit us (the one that just had the baby) and stay for a couple of weeks so it will be really nice!

Does DHS realize how little she's called to check in on her daughter? Weren't they the ones who said she needed to have more visits? So if that's not happening, that's got to be extremely frustrating! Do they have record of the visits not happening (and lack of phone calls) since their last request to increase the visits?


On a side note, I hope you guys have fun weekend with your family that is visiting!

Brandii, I do keep a journal and I guess it is my chore to call on a weekly basis to let them know what is going on. Or what is not going on. They do take notes of what I tell them I guess, but I do have everything documented.

My brother was here and just left earlier. It was a nice visit but I am bushed from all the cleaning and now all the cooking and staying up too late visiting!

Hi Connie!

I'm glad you had a nice visit with your brother!

Do you guys have any plans for the fourth of July?

I hope Grandma's Day Care is going well for GrannyH.

Hi, Granny H, if you're checking in.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Hi to both of you. I'm just going to check in and not get too specific. I however may end up in the Autism forum with a question. This past week has been a difficult one. My autistic grandson has been an adult since last September. For whatever reason, his parents can not have legal quardianship of him. When his parent had to decide who should hold that position, they chose the grandmother who opposed them the least, and I was not that person. This week the other grandmother 'threw a fit' about something, and that resulted in a busy complicated week.

Otherwise, I had a very good weekend. My parents had 8 children, 9 grandchildren, and (if they were still alive) would be waiting for great-grandchildren numbers 12 and 13. I think we add 11 in-laws. (I made breakfast reservations for 40.) Except for one nephew who is in Iraq, we spent 3 days together at a campground. Had a very good time.

I feel as if everything is returning to normal for me today and I can finally take a breathe.

At any rate, my situation does not fit in here; but I have so many concerns for you, Connie. I do hope eveything will turn out OK. I often wonder what the motivation is for many of the actions of the case workers. What makes them ask the same questions over and over? I decided once that they are just making sure that your concerns, opinion, etc, have not changed.

I am so glad you finally get to see your newest grandson. Do you have more than the three grandchildren? Have a good time with them all, and remember there are people thinking of you. GrannyH

Hey Brandii & Granny! Sounds like you have been family busy too Granny. I am not sure when my daughter will get to my moms (I will have to go pick her up from there) but am looking forward to more visiting.

Yes, we have plans for the 4th with my other daughter that lives close to us. This is the one that has the other grandaughter that visits often. I have 5 grandchildren in all. Mary Jayne has a half sister (she is 6 and we have not met her as we only found out about her a year or longer ago after dna test by court) and then the grandaughter that lives close by and the 2 grandsons and Mary Jayne. Hopefully that will be all for a while.

I have a dr appointment tommorow. I know my antidepressant is not working. I have been having horrible side effects. Mainly sweating and headaches and just feeling depressed still. I am thinking all this stress doesn't help either. Hubby also suggested I ask my dr to recommend someone for counseling or therapy for me. I am sure that I really need it and am not opposed to doing something like that.