When you got through the process did you still call yourself gramma and papa or where you mom and dad? How did you respond to questions the children asked later about their parents? Our son died and the mom is about to lose custody and we will be able to adopt our grandchild. Thanks for all answers

You will always be Gramma and Grandpa (or whatever you want to be called) Your son is/was/always will be the dad and their mom is the mom no matter what.

I believe in telling kids the truth. Think about this - if you lie now, and they find out the truth later - what will they think of you?

Good luck and lots of happiness to you. It is a noble thing that you are doing.

Connie, Congratulations! Isn't this happening quicker than you thought? You'll soon be able to visit your daughter and the new grandbaby.

Robin is absolutely correct. You'll want to tell her about your son, so you will need to remain the grandparents. I think you can have a name which is different from that used by the other grandchildren. Our oldest grandchild calls us Mama and Papa while the rest say Gramma and Grampa.

Good Luck on this path of the rest of your life. GrannyH

I think you cannot be one-way only though. I was adopted by my grandparents. I refer to my birthparent as that. My parents were my mom and dad. For a while I called them grandma and grandpa, but that didn't seem like the right thing because that isn't what the relationship was. They are and will forever be MOM AND DAD. I will not, and never will negate their relationship with me and the fact that they raised me, and that my birthparent is that, my birthparent. They aren't my sister, etc, they are my birthparent.

Just the opinion of someone who has been there.

As for your son... he should always be referred to as their father. H ewas not given the opportunity to be their father and his relationship should never be minimalized.

Everyone thanks for your answers.

Granny, lol, no this has been draging out for months now. We had thought the mom was doing better but we just didn't know what was going on.

Jase, how old where you when you were adopted? Our grandaughter will be 2 by the next court date.

They had legal guardianship at birth until age 3, then lived with my birthmother from 3-10, then was taken away and they adopted me. So it would be easier to have called them grandma and grandpa because of the age, however, it is not how I felt about them. I think it should be their choice like it was mine. My mom and dad never corrected me. The only one who did was my birthmother and that was after they had died... and she complained "they are MY parents not YOURS". All the rest of the children didn't mind at all me calling them mom and dad because they recognized the importance of the relationship and what they meant to me. That is the important thing. DOn't dismiss or deminish the relationship.

Thank you Jase...we really don't say anything about her mom right now...she is young to ask yet, I know the questions will come later. She is a very sweet little girl and now I can't imagine my life without her in it.

Hi Conniem!

I am so, so sorry about the loss of your son.

Your granddaughter sounds like she's a ray of sunshine, and I wish you all the best during this time.

It sounds like you've gotten some excellent words of wisdom here (thank you Jase, Robin, and GrannyH), and I just wanted to add my support and thoughts to you and your family.


Please let us know how everything is proceeding, and know that there are lots of us here to offer support!

Hi Brandii, thanks for posting. Things are going very slowly it seems. The mom has not been in contact since the 18th of last month. We are just praying that she stays away until July. They keep telling me she is still our grandaughter's mom and what our grandaughter needs more than us. So she could still get her back. They told me the best they can hope for is that she doesn't abuse/neglect our grandaugher. It has been a very emotional time for us. Connie

Do I understand that they are telling you an abusive mother is better than a set of loving, thoughtful grandparents? I will tell you to be careful in dealing with the 'officals'. Not that any two cases are the same, but we went through something similiar a few years ago with our, then, 15 year old grandson. I made an off-hand comment and lost visitation and phone privileges. And we lost all momentum. That grandson is now living in a group home 200 miles away. We got visitation back, but the other grandmother has legal authority.

I hope you are part of a support group or getting some counseling. (I needed it. You are still dealing with the loss of your son. My son was purposefully doing this to me.) I'm certainly praying for you.

Their goal is reunification with the family. The workers make all kinds of excuses, she is on drugs, she is young, she had a bad upbringing, our son died (they had been broken up for 2 weeks at that time) you name it, we have heard it. Her new boyfriend has been living with her since November and recently beat the tar out of her. Finally after seeing her so beat up they started doing some checking and decided to limit her visits to supervised only. And they ordered a hair folicle test. She has been passing all the tests, but I always felt she could not really be passing them. But I am the grandmother and so anything I say they really do not take seriously as if it were someone not so involved. Today is her normal visit day and we will see if she even shows up at all again.

No, we have not joined any support group, I keep thinking things will slow down some, but with the mom it is constant drama. I am sure a support group would help. I guess for now we are clinging to the hope of being able to adopt our grandaughter. I can't tell you how many nights I have not been able to sleep over worrying about her future.

Connie

GrannyH, I'm so sorry about what you went through and are going through!

Connie, I second GrannyH's suggestion about joining a support group or getting some counseling. I think it would help in having an advocate on your side, or some friendly faces to support you in your goal of trying to adopt your granddaughter.

Let us know how it turns out today...keeping you in my thoughts!

We do have lots of support of family and friends and even strangers. We live in a small town and people talk. I went into the corner store the other night and the clerk asked me if I was Mary Jayne's gramma and then told me she had called the DHS about how the mom was acting several times (I guess she is a regular, every night stops in for a case of beer) and was outraged when she had heard she had a chance to get the baby back. So it is nice to hear that others are helping us. But only in a small town!

The mom did not show for her visit or call. This stomach bug is going around and the baby has had it for a couple of days now. I knew something was wrong when she would not eat. She loves to eat. This morning she is running a low grade temperature and is grumpy. I had called the drs office and they told me it takes a few days to get over and to offer and bland diet.

Hi Connie!

I'm so glad that there are others helping you!

I am so sorry that there wasn't a visit yesterday. That must have been so disappointing, to say the least. Are they (social worker?) keeping track of missed visits and such? Forgive me if that sounds like a silly question.

You sound like an amazing and strong grandmother!

Good luck battling the stomach bug--I hope she feels better soon!

Hi Brandii, I actually prefer no visits from the mom. Last few times she came to our house to visit she was too busy texting/talking on the phone to pay attention to our grandaughter.

I do have a journal that I keep. Sometimes the social worker asks to see it.

Well, she passed the stomach bug on to me but she is doing better. This morning we gave her some milk so we will see if it doesn't bother her.

Connie

Hey Connie, Stay well. Everytime this winter that one of my grandkids got that bug and couldn't go to school, they spent the day with me. I've had that bug three times, and don't think I could fight it another time.

Your granddaughter is fairly young if I remember correctly. Does she react badly when she has a visit from her 'mother'? Or does she even have a relationship with her? How long did she live with her 'mother'? How old was she when your son died? I'm just trying to find out if she's had parenting from anyone besides from you.

Brandii, thanks for your thoughts in my situation. It's something we have gotten beyond, but not without changing our lives. As far as my grandson is concerned - if he's not with me at least he's not with his parents. He may even be doing better where he is than if he would here. But he isn't getting what I call parenting where he is, I always think of the wasted potential. He isn't encouraged to become anything, to grow.

Connie, keep us informed. Good thoughts to you.

Hi Granny, Mary Jayne is doing a lot better now, but I am still having problems. Isn't that the way it goes!

Mary Jayne is 20 mths now. She came to live with us at 10 months. Most of the time prior to that my grandaughter stayed with her other gramma. She would keep her for a couple of weeks at a time and a lot of time one of her aunts kept her that lived with my son and the babies mom. Sometimes the neighbors would keep her. Pretty much anyone but the mom and my son was just as bad when he wasn't working. She was 13 months when my son died. Usually after visiting her mom Mary Jayne regresses to crawling (we think because that was what she was doing when she lived with her last) and also throws screaming kicking fits and is horrible to be around until the next morning. When the mom would visit in our home it wasn't as bad. I just figure that she would not tell her no at her house because she doesn't want to have to discipline her which doesn't help any, but I can understand I guess if you are only seeing the child very little how you wouldn't want to tell her no. But it is her own fault that she isn't seeing her. Before her visits were limited again we kept telling her any time she wanted to see her we were more than happy to let her take her. We were very concerned about the lack of bond between the two of them. The mom lives right behind us in apartments and it takes 2 minutes to walk over here. She didn't want to see her on days she worked for some reason. She did have a part time job, and I stress part time but would only want to visit on days off even though she only would see her for 2 hrs.

Ya'll, I could write a Lifetime movie and Patty Duke could play me....enough for today! Connie

Connie, how is everyone feeling today?

I hope you all are feeling much, much better!

Thank goodness we are all well and eating normally again. My husband laughed at me one day when I told him I ate saltines for breakfast and popcorn for lunch. I am working on supper right now...meatloaf and macaroni and cheese...comfort foods.

Connie, your first question here was what you should be called. Have you made that decision yet? What does she call you now?

Has there been a 'successful' visitation now that you're all well?

Has your daughter and the new grandson from Texas visited you by now?

Just keeping in touch!

Hey GrannyH,

She calls me gramma sometimes, most of the time she really doesn't call me anything. I was just curious for the future.

There is a visit today. The mom called the worker and requested a dhs supervised visit, she doesn't want to come visit at our house. So the worker is coming to pick Mary Jayne up and take her to the park and have an hour visit with her mom. It has been 6 weeks since the last visit now. The worker told the mom she would only supervise 1 1-hr visit a month and if she wanted any more than that she would have to learn to work with us. I am figuring she doesn't want to visit here because every time she comes we ask her what she is doing about setting up a trust for Mary Jayne and our other grandaughter that our son has. When he died he had a life insurance policy and she was the beneficiary. It had been my husband but we are thinking she pressured him into changing it to her. They had been apart for 2 weeks when he died and they were not married. She told the judge our son wanted her to set up a trust for both girls, $100,000 each. She recieved half a million dollars because his death was an accident. Of course she has not done anything for the girls. She has bought 3 new cars (she doesn't have a license right now as she got a dui a couple of weeks after we got Mary Jayne) a 4 wheeler and a house. I am not sure how she has purchased the cars, maybe in her parents name. We talked to a couple of lawyers and there is nothing that can be done because it is a contract. If they would have been married it would be a different story. So then we talked to several lawyers about suing her on the girls behalf for their trust money and the same problem, they were not married. This has been a big horrible mess. And the mom has not purchased a diaper for Mary Jayne. She had been working part time and so the amount of child support she is supposed to be paying is around $35 a week. Of course she is way behind on that now. It has been a horrible ordeal. I am hoping the money will last until we go to court in July. Mary Jayne recieves social security every month because of my son's death and she knows about it and I am afraid after the life insurance is gone she might think of getting that. We are putting it in a savings account right now but plan to do something different with it when it accumulates so that Mary Jayne would have some money later on. Hopefully she will want to go to college and I am sure her mother will not find college necessary for Mary Jayne.

My daughter from Texas is supposed to come visit some time soon for a couple of days. The baby is doing well. They are moving to a house with 3 bedrooms so the baby will have his own room so she is pretty busy right now.

Talk to you all soon, Connie

Hang in there, Connie!

How did the visit go?

Stay strong--it sounds like you are a wonderful influence in your granddaughter's life.

I hope the visit went well--I'm keeping you in my thoughts!

Hi Brandii, the worker said the visit went well after a bad start. The other gramma was there and launched into complaining about us...I didn't ask what she complained about. The gramma has called the workers several times to try to get Mary Jayne removed from our home. She said she just told her this was supposed to be a happy visit and she didn't want to hear any complaining from her. The other gramma couldn't foster Mary Jayne because of her pot smoking and drinking, her husband is also an alcoholic and suffers from post traumatic stress disorder after years in the service. He was in Nam and the Gulf War. He is actually a really nice guy. The worker brought Mary Jayne home and she was happy to see me and started talking and ect and the worker said wow, she was really quiet at the visit. I just wondered what she expected, she is 20 mths old and has not seen her mom for 6 weeks and only a 40 or so minute visit the last few times once a week. She has not seen the gramma since January.

The worker said the mom did not ask about another visit. She has told her several times if she wanted to see Mary Jayne more than once a month she needs to get with us. For the first time after a visit the baby did not act out afterwards or have temper tantrums so that is a good thing.

Connie

Hi Connie!

Just checking in...

How are you feeling and holding up?

I hope your weekend is going ok, despite everything you all are going through!

Hey Brandii,

We had a nice weekend despite the weather. We were in the middle of that horrible snow storm. It started Friday morning. I woke up to the sleet hitting my bedroom window and there was thunder and lightning. Luckily we missed out on the wind or we would have been in big trouble. We think we got over 2 feet of snow. I haven't been out since Thursday. School was cancelled on Friday and my son's prom was postponed until next Saturday, boy was he disapointed! I could not have even imagined getting out though. My husband is going to take me for groceries this afternoon. I am terrified of falling since I fell last February and had compound fractures on both sides of my ankle. I have a big metal plate and lots of screws in my ankle now. The puppy has been bonkers with cabin fever, but luckily the baby didn't care one way or another. She was happy to have both of us home I am sure!

Hi Connie!

I hope you are having much better weather this weekend--for you, the baby, and the puppy, lol!

What type of puppy do you have?

I hope everything went well this past week.

Hey Brandii,

We just got back from an overnight trip. The baby, the puppy, and my hubby and I. It was murder finding a hotel that would allow pets over 25lbs. Actually, he is quite a bit over 25lbs! Today at PetsMart he weighed 96lbs. He just turned 5 months. I finally did find a pet friendly motel, unfortunately our room was upstairs and he has never been upstairs, but he learned very fast. He is a great dane and we took him to several PetsMarts, PetCos and Lowes. He hasn't been out much because he is a winter time puppy, but he was the belle of the ball and everyone wanted to pet him and ask questions. He also had some interactions with other dogs which were good so that was nice.

This week was busy, hubby's dad is in the hospital. He has cancer and has been going downhill for quite some time so the baby and went and visited him. He lives an hour and 15 min from us. He is doing much better but will be in the hospital for a while. But other than that, most of the week was good and it has warmed up again and the snow is gone and we are thinking about flower gardens and vegetable gardens.

Here is a recent photo of Morty:
Morty

Here is one of Morty and Mary Jayne:

Morty & Mary Jayne

For the life of me I can not figure out how to post the photos to the post!!! Maybe I should read the faqs....

Hi Connie!

Both of your pictures were so adorable!

I love Great Danes! 96 pounds at 5 months? WOW! I'm so happy you found a dog friendly hotel, and that Morty learned the steps well!

What type of flowers and vegetables are you planting this year? I�m determined to have a tomato plant indoors in our sunroom. Whenever I plant one outside, the raccoons get to the tomatoes before we do, lol!

Maybe you could plant a little flower garden for Mary Jayne? When my nieces were that age, I planted some sunflowers, and they were doing really well. That is, until I accidently ran into them with the lawn mower (and discovered the benefits of a garden border the same day).

I�m so sorry to hear about your father-in-law being in the hospital. I�m sure your visit meant quiet a lot to him.

I hope you guys have a wonderful week ahead, and hope that your father-in-law continues to improve!

Yep, that Morty is gonna be a big boy. I have to take him in Wednesday to get neutered. The breeder had said not before 2 years and I am thinking that is crazy....suposively he won't reach his full growth potential but I am thinking like it will matter that much! His feet are enormous. His mom came over from Germany and the father was 1/2 Czech and 1/2 american so Morty is definately going to be big. We live in a 2 story house but we stay downstairs and upstairs is my sewing/jewelry room. I have been working on some jewelry and couldn't coax him upstairs before so he went right up with me after lunch and sniffed everything and then was ready to go down. So I took him down and he did well and go to close the stairwell door and he ran right back up the stairs. So then he wanted right back down. I guess the stairs were pretty fun.

This year hubby is only doing tomatoes and cucumbers. He makes pickles and I like to make Salsa and can tomatoes. We usually have a huge garden but he wants to rest part of the garden. I like perenials and have bought seed for sunflowers, morning glories, marigolds and zinias. I try to do mostly stuff that will come back or sprouts from seed easily. I haven't much luck with anything else sprouting. I am planning to do an old fashioned cottage garden. My gramma always had those types of flowers and I guess a lot of them would reseed themselves. I also want to add a few new beds. Every year we try to add a little more.

My father in law sounds about the same but may be in the hospital for a while so we will go visit again this week. He has got to be bored to tears. I offered to get him some books and magazines and he said he doesn't like to read. I think he should learn to like it!

Connie, I just want to check in with you and let you know I'm still thinking about you. Life has a way of 'going on', and it sounds as if you've been busy. When you talked about your father-in-law, I remembered about you gramma-in-law. Is she doing OK, and is your FIL her son?

Are you planning an event for your son's graduation? When does that happen in OK - May or June? My grandson graduates on June 12th. Sometime this summer his parents are taking a motorcyle trip to Enid, OK. Is that close to you. The oldest will stay in his group home, but his two brothers (11 and 13) will be with us while the parents are gone. FUN!!

Keep us informed. Thoughts are with you. GrannyH

I love hearing about how things are going for you. Keep us informed. And He is such a big "puppy". and adorable!

Boy, I tell you what...life certainly does go on whether you want it to or not. Yes, this is my gramma-in-laws son. He has been ill for quite some time and I am always telling him that he can come stay with me and let me take care of him. I am still working on him but at this point I think he needs a nursing home care. I just hate for him to spend his last days alone in his home. Gramma is doing well, but my fil and his brother are both in really bad shape. They have a sister and she is in good health but still it seems wrong for you to outlive your children.

We really haven't made any plans for graduation yet. I am hoping my daughter from South Texas will come. My other daughter lives in the next town over and I see her as much as possible. She started a new job and is very busy now.

Enid is very close...we live 1 hr and 15 min away. That is where I take Morty for obedience classes. I think we have 2 left but I am going to have to cancel today. I decided to pull up the laminate flooring in the dining room yesterday and really overdid it. There was a layer of linoleum that was on top of a layer of old square tiles that was fixed to a thin sheet of wood that way nailed down to the wood floor. Did I say nailed? They used a ton. I had pulled up the carpet a couple of months ago in the living room and I have got some big time sanding ahead of me now. There are 2 rooms that the wood is still covered in, the bathroom and the kitchen, but I can tell by looking at the underside of the floor (you can see the floor in the basement) that the floor in these rooms is not fixable. I am thinking to put down linoleum in these two rooms. The bathroom already has linoleum, but I think it must have been a remnant because it is not good quality. It has been in there maybe 6 or 7 years and is very worn. The people we bought the house from made cheap repairs to the house but luckily didn't fix too much. The one thing that they did that was good was add heating/cooling system. One on both floors. There were wall furnaces before and they used window units in the summer. The kitchen has more laminate that needs to be pulled up but I am not ready to tackle that yet!

Here is a link to what I did yesterday and a few extra photos. They are all backwards and I can't figure out how to fix it so you go from the finished floor to before I pulled the laminate. Enjoy!

Floor

Thanks for the compliment on the puppy Jase, he is very sweet, but still a bit rambuncious! My obedience trainer thinks he will be perfect to do therapy work. She does this on Mondays and visits several nursing homes and she invited us to go once he is less puppyish! She can help us train but we will still have to go to Oklahoma City to test. I guess this is the only place in the state that does the test. So if we could get certified I think that would be wonderful.

Connie, I loved your pictures!

Boy, it sounds like you had a lot of work on your hands!

This is so funny, because as I'm posting this about your floors, I saw a topic to the right hand side (under latest messages), and the topic was "refinishing hardwood floors" in the Home Improvement forum. I thought of you, and was about to post a link for you to that forum. Then, I realized it was YOUR post, lol.

Anyway, I hope everything goes well as you work on the floors.

I have my fingers crossed that everything works out in the coming weeks. Do you have another court date coming up in June, or did I dream that?

Any Easter egg hunts at your house this weekend?

Hey Granny, no egg hunts planned here...but tommorow we will go to hubby's cousin house to hunt. I had been out there a couple of weeks ago. It is off the beaten path, a 100+ yr old house they moved out by a big lake and they have 5 elk. The house is so cool, I could go on and on about it. They totally redid it and it is so charming. It has quite a bit of gingerbread (which I adore, my house is just a plain house). It has this great porch that goes around most of the house and a turrent. They have almost finished the inside and will then go to work on the outside.

We go back to court in July...time seems to drag by but I have faith in God and that helps. It is just the waiting that is hardest part.

As far as the floors go. Hubby is going to take a week vacation and we will sand and refinish in that time I hope. I have lots of prep work to do but the weather isn't good for that yet. Also we have planned to pack up everything downstairs. Last time we redid sheetrock it was a horrible mess. Plus with this being the floors we figured it would be easier to get all the furniture out and it would go way faster. I have a craft show the 25th and 26th so I am supposed to be making jewelry although I have grown tired of it! I suppose I have enought already. But I hated to start anything until after that as I still have to price things and get ready and life with Mary Jayne is not full of many still quiet moments! Guess the dog is in that category too! I had taken him to be netured on Tuesday and that really didn't slow him down much at all! He weighed 99lbs when I took him in.

Happy Easter to you all!

Hi Connie!

I hope you guys had a happy Easter!

I can relate to the dog not slowing down one bit after getting neutered. I remember they told us "Keep him still, and don't let me run around or be active for two weeks..."

That worked for the first few hours, but how do you keep a puppy still? I know it's for a good reason, but it's almost near impossible, at least it was for us!

I hope everyone is doing well, and wishing you lots of good thoughts during this hard wait!

Hi Connie, I hope you're not thinking of me as a nuisance, but I've been thinking about you. Wondering how the situation is progressing. My brother-in-law will be arriving here tomorrow from just out side of Ft. Smith, Arkansas. I keep thinking I could ride back with him. He will be returning for my grandson's graduation. So I could spend 6 weeks with him, and not get anything done at my house.



Happy Spring and Summer to you, and do keep us current. Not nosey, just concerned. GrannyH

Hi GrannyH!

Connie, I was thinking the same thing as GrannyH-didn't want to be nosey, but have been thinking about you and hope everything is going well. We're here if you need support, or just want to chat!

Granny H, congratulations on your grandson's graduation! What a special time!

Hey ya'll...well, I guess things are as good as they can be.

My father in law had been hospitalized and I had finally talked him into moving in with us so that I could take care of him. I had been trying to get him come stay with me so I could take care of him since we moved to Oklahoma about 6 years ago. He had oxygen difficulties and the dr wanted him to stay at the hospital. He ended up staying in the hospital a month and died a couple of weeks ago. He was in hospice the last week, the hospital is an hour and a half drive one way and in Texas. We are not allowed to take the grandaughter out of state without permission from a judge and the mother so it was a pain to arrange things. At least we all had quit smoking before this, hubby has 4 brothers and all smoked except for one that dips (still does). Dying of cancer was a horrible thing to see. If I had not quit smoking years ago for sure this would have been incentive. The memorial service was a couple of Sundays ago and I am just mentally exhausted.

On top of all this the DHS came a month ago and have decided now that the mom is doing better, she purchased a house and so I guess they think that means that she wants the baby. She has seen her twice in the last 6 weeks. The DHS lady visited yesterday and said the mom is doing well (which I guess well means she has not done anything horrible lately). We did drive by the house and it is a small house, but nice looking on the outside and has a fenced back yard and the neighborhood is not so great, but at least the house seemed nice.

Graduation is on Saturday. My son is very excited and is enrolled in college. He has recieved several scholarships which is great because we don't qualify for any financial aid.

I am getting ready to sand floors. So I have been busy packing up stuff and decluttering. I am only going to tackle two floors but most of our house is open and sanding is going to make a horrible mess. I would like to paint too while I have all the stuff off the walls but I think I need to focus on floors!

Sorry to not keep in touch better. I have just been so depressed lately. My father in law is who my son that passed away was named for. I am really going to miss my father in law, he was always so nice to me. Deep down I hope I was his favorite. My mother in law on the other hand is the type they tell stories about! I could elaborate but will save that for another day! BTW, they had been divorced for almost 30 yrs and get this...she gets his social security because neither of them remarried. She was crowing about this the day of the memorial service and she also gets his house which she was working on emptying out and telling all that she was selling it and wanted to sell all the appliances or anything that she could for $$. She was hateful to my oldest daughter that day and I wanted to punch her in her big mouth. We did get a few of his things and I know she was irked because she wanted to have a big sale. I think I took his nice leather cowboy belt that has his name on the back of it and a big nice belt buckle. Hubby said in his day his dad cut a rug (he would wear that belt and his cowboy hat and boots) and I wish we would have been able to go dancing. By the time I married hubby his dad was already sick. Also I got a nice crystal decanter set that I know the m-i-l had her eye on. And I took his cigarette case but hubby says he didn't remember his dad ever using it. I think that was pretty much it. But anyway, I didn't mean to be dumping everything today! Thanks to you all for listening to me and worrying about me. It is nice to have friends even if you don't see them face to face! Connie

Connie, I'm glad to see you're back. I was afraid things were not going well for you because we hadn't heard in so long.

This is a rough time to be going through. Cancer really is a mean monster. My mother died from cancer, but my father died without warning. Neither is easy to deal with. My sympathy is with you and your entire family.

All of this must have been more difficult because you couldn't take your granddaughter out of state. Did you get permission or did you have to leave her with someone? Has she spent 'overnight' with her mother?

My grandson graduates on June 12th. I checked yesterday and his quilt is not done yet. You know I'll still have to bind it when I get it back. He'll spend two weeks here after graduation, so I can give it to him later. Then he'll have to return to the home, and he is planning on college as well. I don't know what he will be able to do with his autism, but he has some plans.

Don't be too concerned about going on here. I think that's what this forum is for.

You will remain in my thoughts, GrannyH

Hey Granny, we did get permission to go out of state. I am sure they thought I was a pain because I needed to go so often. I went once a week and took Mary Jayne as my father in law enjoyed seeing her so much. I also visited with family when we went and that was really nice. The last night they called for us to come my daughter kept Mary Jayne as it was 1:30 in the morning when the call came. My husband and I were there when he passed and at least he was peaceful then. Up till then was not so peaceful.

I know your grandson will treasure that quilt forever. My gramma was not a quilter but her mother was. When my gramma passed we all recieved one of my great gramma's quilts. I bet your grandson is excited about graduating. My son is. He was gone to Branson last week and came home sick. The choir had a contest there and they were gone for 5 days. He had a good time except for coming home sick. The dr said he was surprised my son didn't have strep throat after looking at it. I kept him home from school for two days and he is feeling much better now.

I worked on striping floor yesterday afternoon. In the morning I cut all the dead wood out of the honeysuckle vine. Boy my hands are sore this morning! It sure was nice to do some actual work. I forget how much I enjoy working on the floors. I have a chair down in the basement that I had bought at an antique store and am stripping the petobismal pink paint off it. I am mostly done but when Mary Jayne moved in I had to stop. I think doing that kind of stuff is so enjoyable.

Talk to you soon....Connie

Hi Connie,

When I came back to BellaOnline, I was looking all over the place for you...and here you are.

I'm so sorry you've had such troubles, but it's good to hear that there are some positive things going on as well. I always knew you had a great heart, but hearing you talk about your father-in-law puts double-topping on that thought.

Hang in there, gal,
ME

Hi Connie!

I'm so sorry for all that you have been through, and really sorry about your father in law. It sounds like you had to deal with some 'family drama' in addition to his loss, and I'm sure that added to the stress.

For the record, never worry about ranting on too much--GrannyH is right, that's what we are here for!

Is your daughter-in-law's house close to where you live?

I was thinking about you and your granddaughter. Does she have a guardian ad litem or special advocate?

I know DHS said your daughter in law has her own house now, but don't they also look at how many times she's actually visited and played with her daughter?

On a much, much lighter note, it sounds like you really enjoy working on the floors and on the rocking chair in your basement! Is there anyway you can take some time for yourself to do more of this? You sounded so happy in your last message talking about these things, and it made me so happy for you.

Does your granddaughter take a nap during the day? Maybe you could steal an hour here or there to do something fun and stress relieving for you. You certainly do deserve it!


Have a great weekend!

Hey Mary, thanks for the nice thoughts! My husbands family is mega disfunctional. I think they put the dis in functional! Lol, guess that old saying is true, you can pick your friends but not your relatives. I just keep trudging along and thinking God never gives you more than you can handle. Connie

Hey Brandii, I think there is drama for everyone when a death happens. Part of it because of everyone has a different way of dealing with things.

The baby's mom lives about 10 miles from us. For quite some time she lived in the apartments behind us and it took 3 minutes tops to walk over here but she couldn't find the time to do that.

My grandaughter is in DHS care, us being the foster parents which the longer this goes on makes me realize that we are just glorified babysitters in their eyes. I am not complaining though, I am just glad that we were the ones that were able to look after her. I would worry about her if she was in a foster home and we would only be allowed limited visits.

The thing they keep telling us is that the baby needs her mom. We have told them over and over that we want to adopt her, we love her and care about her. Who knows what is going to happen. They told me the other day that we may have to keep our grandaughter for another 6 months to 18 months so that her mom has a chance to get her act together. Their goal is reunification of the family. It is a big upsetting mess. I found out a couple of days ago that her mom may be pregnant again. Just what she needs!

Yes, I do put my grandaughter down for a nap every day and that is definately me time! Plus in the evenings and on the weekends my husband is here and he helps out very much. She loves her papa so much!

Thanks for all the good thoughts! Connie

Hi Connie,

Well, you're still gardening and doing a load of projects around that ol' house of yours. I can only imagine how painful it must be to love and care for this little girl, never knowing when/if she will be taken away. Trite, but there's a lot to be said for living in the present. (I know, we're not made that way, really. We always try to prepare for the future: what's for breakfast tomorrow, how will I dress the baby, all the things that go along with caring for a child.)

Good luck, I'll be thinking about y'all!

Connie,

Have you eve thought about suing for custody and to have her parental rights terminated so that yuou may adoipt her

Hey Mary, yes still gardening and doing projects. The baby has just slowed progress down a bit! But she is getting older now and you don't have to watch her every second. She loves to be outside and my husband built a "baby pen". Mostly it is a keep the dog out of her stuff! He has chewed up several of her toys. I will be glad when he grows out of this chewing and digging holes stage. There is a sandbox and lots of toys in her area and it is under a big shade tree. She is very fair complected and burns so easily. She loves helping water all the flowers and I have planted some new perenials and started a new bed. Every summer I try to start something new.

This evening is graduation and about 10 there is a picnic to show appreciation for foster parents so it will be a busy day! My parents and mother in law are coming for graduation so it will be nice to see everyone. My parents have not met my mother in law. We've been married 14 years in October. It should be interesting! I will have to report back later! We are expecting more rain today but hopefully it will not cancel the picnic. Connie

Jase, we have talked to a lawyer and basically until the DHS is not involved anymore there isn't anything we can do. But I have told my husband he better be prepared to spend some money on a lawyer. I am hoping that we don't have to get a lawyer, but I am prepared to do so. I have a journal I write everything down in, visits and phone calls. And things the DHS worker tells me, what the mom is supposed to be doing. Connie

Hi Connie!

That's very smart to keep a journal of everything. I'm sorry you are going through so much!

I hope you all are able to have a fun and relaxing weekend, and that you have some time to yourself as well!

Hey Brandii, well, fun and relaxing, I don't know! We did spend all week redoing floors in 2 rooms and it is beautiful and now I am taking a break from unpacking stuff. I still have a bit to go and will post new pictures of the "after".

refinishing floors

Connie,

The floors are beautiful!! You should be so proud of yourself!

How was the rest of your weekend? Did you get a chance to relax from all of your hard work?

Thanks Brandii, they turned out so pretty! I am still getting things hung back on the wall. We ended up switching rooms and so things are way different, but the rooms look way larger that way. I will take some after photos and post them. I still have to iron my curtains and do a few other things. No rugs on the floor for a week. But no, no rest yet! My son hit a deer last night and luckily didn't really do much to his car. He's going to need a new hood and headlight and the airbags fixed. He got some scratches and bruising. I am still thanking god it wasn't worse than that.

Connie, Those floors look wonderful. I think I would have floors like that if I ever looked under the carpet. Not now.

I am thinking that the son in the car acccident is the son who is or has graduated. This made me realize I have never asked how your older son died. Was it a car accident? Did this accident carry reminders for you. Does this son have someone watching out for him?

I was noticing that there is a new 'topic' here at BellaO that you would have the experience to add to the discussion. I am sure you are not in the Senior age group, however this topic is in the Senior Issues section of 'News and Politics'. The subject is Grandparents Raising Grandchildren.

Summer brings grandparenting duties for me that keep me off the computer most days, so I won't be checking in very often. Have a good summer and good luck to you with the expected court dates, etc.

Take care of yourself and that granddaughter. GrannyH

Hey GrannyH, thanks for the compliments on the floors. We were just commenting right before we moved the furniture back on them that it would never look that good again! My mom called and was shocked at how nice the floors looked (from the online photos).

Yes, it was my son that just graduated that hit the deer. He was coming home from work and the deer just ran out in front of him and he hit it. He faints at the sight of blood and when he called he was very upset and said he was bleeding and both of his arms hurt really bad. I figured if he was not passed out cold that it couldn't be too bad and he is very animated and we always tease that he is a diva. By the time I got there his arms were both really swollen, but he could move his wrists and fingers. The next morning he had a bunch of red marks and superficial cuts. His windshield didn't break so there was no glass. The car is driveable, just needs a new hood. He was very lucky, and yes, my other son died in a car accident caused by a deer and it didn't really hit me how lucky I was until I got ready for bed. It took a while to drift off to sleep that night. I prayed a lot that night and said many thanks to God.

I will have to look into the Senior Issues section. I will be 41 in August so I am not a senior yet, but I have a friend that tells me I have a really old soul. I am not sure quite what that means! But it is a compliment from her. We met online in 1995 and emailed and phoned for 4 years and we finally met each other. She lives in Georgia and I was in Texas at the time. We are still best of friends, she is my soul sister. She is the one I dump on all the time and never does she judge me. I just wish we lived way closer! But I feel very blessed to have such a good friend. If I could only have one friend for sure it would be her. We joke about sharing a room in a nursing home when we get older.

Have fun with your grandchildren. Tiffany (she just turned 5) was over visiting on Saturday and was bringing some pickles up from the basement with Papa and he told her "maybe you shouldn't be carrying those" and about that time she fell and broke the jar and cut her hand very badly. So she was off the the er and told Papa from the car that he shouldn't ought to have let her carry them pickles. We cleaned up (my daughter had brought her new boyfriend over and we had a nice afternoon sitting outside under a tree as we had wet floors) and headed into town to the er. When we arrived we could hear poor Tiffany screaming from the back of the er. Always makes you feel helpless to know your loved ones are in pain and you can't help. The dr fussed at my daughter and told her that he couldn't stitch my grandaughter up (3 nurses were holding her down) and she should act better. So they ended up sedating her and Tiff had to stay for 4 hrs so the sedation would wear off enough for her to leave. She got numerous stitches and it was a bad end to a lovely afternoon.

I didn't mean to write a mini novel here! Tommorow Mary Jayne's mom is coming here for a visit so I will have to update everyone on how that went...Connie

Hey GrannyH, I noticed you were one of the top posters for the last 30 days...go girl!!

My thoughts will be with you during the visit tomorrow.

And yeah, I have a problem not knowing when to move away from the computer.

LOL, I have that problem too but don't get many posts! Will let ya'll know how the visit is....

She drove herself over for the visit. She has a suspended license because of a dui she got last year. She brought Mary Jayne a new chair and they had a nice visit. So all in all it wasn't a bad visit.

Connie, I'm glad the visit wasn't that bad. And, that was a nice thought about her buying the new chair! I'm hoping small steps become a lot bigger for all of you!

On another (unrelated) note, I have to ask two questions:

1. What is your next project?

2. Have you ever thought about applying for one of those HGTV or TLC home improvement shows? You guys would be the best!

(Sorry, off topic, but I love everything you've done! The pictures are simply amazing!)

Yes, it is nice to have a nice visit. I unpacked boxes of do-dads (my gramma's name for stuff for the china cabinet) while they visited. So all I lack now is getting the curtains up over one window. I am going to do some tidying and will get photos put up.

Well, I do have several more projects to do...I still have floors to refinish upstairs. There are 2 bedrooms and a bath. The bath will probably have to have new linoleum put down. I need to pull up the linoleum and see what it looks like. I would really like the little hex tile and will have to ask my dad about that one. In the little bath I want to put beadboard up. Pretty much upstairs after the floors is cosmetic. We do need new stairs put in as ours are shot and I need to strip the woodwork that will stay before I can get the stairs started.

In the kitchen I would like new light fixtures and have them picked out already. Also the vent hood needs to come off. It is horrible. I lack the floor in there. I am waiting until I get the floor pulled up to decide what to do in there. Probably go back with linoleum as the floor looks pretty water damaged from the basement.

The bathroom needs major work. I want my dad to build some cabinets where a tiny closet is (with no door) and I would like him to put a door back where one was walled over. There is a closet they walled over and then it would have doors on both sides but old houses are supposed to be quirky. There is a big sink/vanity thing that is ugly. Also a huge medicine cabinet that hangs on the wall above the sink where I want to put a recessed medicine cabinet. I want to put a pedestal sink as I think that would make the space look larger and my biggest wish would be a cast iron claw footed tub. Not holding my breath on that one, have hubby talked into the other things. Maybe a little more persuading and coconut merigune pies. The floor in there I need to pull up and see what is underneath, but again I am afraid of the way it will look as you can see water damage there too in the basement. OH and did I mention the awful wallpaper?! It is easy to look past though but stripping wallpaper is a job in itself. We have stripped wallpaper in one room already and found mold and had to replace sheetrock. But that was caused by the hole in the side of our house that we found when we were getting ready to paint the house. The previous owner had an ac/heat until put in and the company put up flashing around the hole they cut into the house to install the ac unit and they didn't caulk or anything so by the time we pulled the flashing off (to do some stucco repair where it was cracking) the side of the house had desintigrated and there was a horrible leak in the basement already from the footing of the house being cracked. Well, the big hole in the wall made us realize gee, maybe not just the footing was causing all the water in the basement! So we decided to get new windows and siding. The siding is insulated (did I mention that my house is 102 yrs old and there is NO insulation?!). We had blown in insulation done in the walls and so that has really helped. It made me really sad to see the old windows go...they were original to the house but very drafty. But I do like the way the house looks now too. And no more mold!

So at this point you may be sorry you even asked lol. I lack refinishing floors in the baby's room and in my bedroom downstairs but mainly I think just a quick fix to get them fixed up and then I will be done....for a few years anyway! Oh and my hubby would say me and that mouse in my pocket are going to be pretty busy for a while...he isn't handy much at all. His secret weapon is duct tape...enough said!

I had thought about one of the home improvement shows but just never looked into it. I guess watching Trading Spaces spooks me! My luck I would end up with that courogated cardboard walls held in place with liquid nail...that was horrible!

I have some photos of the house here if you would like to see the outside being fixed...you will have to wade through assorted photos too...some of Mary Jayne as a baby.

photos of house

I haven't even looked at these photos in forever, this is my older grandaughter Tiffany (just turned 5) when we used to babysit her and many photos of my dogs. Looks like lots of misc.

yard and assorted photos


Well I will shut up now as I have to get cleaned up and go into town to pick up Tiffany for the weekend. She loves to come and stay and now that school is out we will be seeing more of her.

Ok I went back and labled some of the photos...enjoy!

Hi Connie!

I can't believe all of the work you have done! The pictures are beautiful!

My favorite line in your post: "Maybe a little more persuading and coconut merigune pies." LOL!!

Your garden looks so impressive as well. Are you growing tomatoes again this year?

How did your weekend go with Tiffany?

And I forgot to ask about Morty! He is one precious (and big) looking dog!

I said it before, but I am glad the visit went better this time around. Do you have another one coming up soon?

Thanks so much Brandii, I fell in love with the house the first time I saw it. It has such a warm feeling. Looking at this one first was probably the worst thing to do because the houses that we looked at after didn't even compare! We have lived here since 2003 I think. The yard was a blank canvas and so every year we try to do a few things in the yard. This year I have planted more perinnials. Also I have started a new little flower area and am experimenting with seeds for a cottage style flower bed. So far that isn't working out well! But if your monster dog doesn't get out of the back yard and tromp in your flower bed that might help out! It is hard to be mad at him when you see him having the zoomies, running like crazy and his ears flopping behind him. He is still such a puppy.

Coconut merigune pie is my hubbies absolute favorite. He is not much of a dessert eater other than coconut pie, apple pie and chocolate chip cookies. It took me quite a few times before the pie turned out decent. The first time I made it the merigune was so so and you cut into it and the cream part was like soup! You had to have a straw to eat that. I cried and was so upset! I always do scratch and told my husband I could've made 3 apple pies in the time it took for that one stupid coconut pie and the apple pies would have been great! I have gotten way faster at it now though. I guess because I finally found a good recipe that works. I think that is one of the keys to making that pie! That and a good mixer for making the merigune. I love to cook and it is so funny because my mom always tells me I am not the child she expected to be like that! Since we moved here I have started canning because he has space for a large garden. I also freeze stuff, mainly okra and black eyed peas. I had made jelly before we moved because of the sweet lady that lived across the street. It was like having your gramma next door. She helped me make my first jelly.

This year we are not having as much stuff in the garden as we usually do. The court date is right at the height of canning and also having a toddler doesn't give you much spare time for doing stuff like that! He planted 16 tomato plants, a lot of cucumbers (he has taken over the whole dill pickle making, he eats them in his lunch every day), squash, zuchinni, carrots, radishes, bell peppers, jalapeno peppers, a few onions and garlic. Last year he planted 500 onions. We still have a few in the basement. I do a lot of cooking with onions. I love salsa and also can tomatoes for spagetti sauce. Nothing is better than a big pot of homeade tomato sauce! Usually we also have okra, cow peas and green beans. It takes quite some time to water that garden and it takes a lot of tending. But we love being outside.

Tiffany had a wonderful time. It was the city wide garage sale on Saturday and she and I went to some Friday evening and got some pretty pictures for her room. Also some cute pillows that look like flowers, a shelf for her 'llection. A couple of days before I went to an estate sale and bought her 2 little unicorns as she loves horses. So she had to have some place to put them that no one would be able to reach. We also got some little teddy bears for her collection and I had 2 cats I had got somewhere and I have been trying to declutter and so I gave those to her. My china cabinets are overflowing. We also got a few summer dresses, she loves dresses and so it was a nice weekend. My big purchase was 3 old lawn chairs from the 30's. $4 each. They had tons of patina! I am going to strip them and paint them to match the white color of the house. I also got a quilt for $35. It is very old and my hubby didn't think it was much of a bargain! I also got a metal martin house for the yard. No pole, but my hubby is a scavenger and will figure out something. We had drove off after dumping it in the yard and when we came back there were birds checking it out. Also I bought an old picture frame. At one time I am sure it had convex glass in it but it has regular glass now. I stripped it and need to get some dark stain and I am going to blow up a black and white photo of the house and put it in there.

Yeah Morty is huge. He is 7 months now and still growning. He loves having his walks after supper and that week we were refinishing floors he missed all his walks. I am going to start walking him in the morning early too. He has so much energy and is into everything. I think another walk would help. He is also too smart for his own good. We had left him outside while we were garage saleing and all the windows and doors were open and when we came home he was laying on his bed in the living room. I knew he could let himself out but didn't realize he could let himself in! The other day I had bought a new box of tide and left it on the back porch and he chewed the corner open and spread laundry soap in the back yard. So if anyone is looking for a way to kill weeds, putting tide on your yard will do that! Probably not real cost effective though.

Well, Mary Jaynes mom, I have told her so many times, any time she wants to visit is fine, I would meet her in town, we could eat lunch, we could go to the park. She could visit for more than one hour. She could visit more than one time a month. I don't work so it isn't a big deal. She came, after one hour on the dot she roared off. And I do mean roar. Ran the stop sign at the edge of our house. That always makes me mad when I see that. We live a block from the park and little kids are constantly walking to the park and they don't do well at looking out for cars. She didn't ask to make another visit. She doesn't work. I don't know if I told ya'll my son had a life insurance policy. Because it was an accident it paid out half a million. She recieved that money and is going through it like water. She has not paid one dime of child support. Not purchased on diaper or outfit. She bought 2 brand new 4-door pickups. One for herself and her mom. She bought her brother a used vehicle. A 4 wheeler for her boyfriend and a house. She was supposed to put $200,000 into a trust account for my grandaugher and my sons older girl. So each would possibly get almost a million dollars upon reaching age 25. She has still not done that. I just try not to think of these things. At first we hoped with all that money that she would straighten up and so far it has been party central. Also she is telling everyone that she is pregnant. We live in a small town so things get around. Anyway, enough sour grapes today....once again, sorry for the novella! Connie

I have talked to another lawyer and he said we could try for a guardianship, but at least with the DHS involved there will be someone there making sure she is actually doing better. With the guardianship after we got it (if we did) she could take us back to court at any time after she gets her life together and it would just be up to the judge as to what happens. The lawyer said best case scenario would be if we could talk her into signing her rights away, but I don't see that happening any time soon. I had talked to her about that before. Also the other grandparents would be notified of our plans to become her guardian and they could also persue that. So far they have not done much of anything, but you never know what might happen.

I don't know if I posted about this, but we have a new case worker. This is #5 in the past year. She is coming today to visit and I imagine she will want to open every drawer and ect. Hopefully she will be nicer than the last one. They have made us feel like we are the ones being scrutinized. They just keep telling us they hold us to a higher standard than they do the parents. Which should be the other way around. I sure don't know how they can keep any foster parents in their program. It is not anything I would want to do again unless I had to do it for other grandchildren or relatives.

I met the caseworker yesterday. She is very sweet and has only been doing this for 3 months. She said the average turnover at their office is about 6-9 months. That sure doesn't make you feel very good! So we had a nice visit and she wasn't rude and didn't go through every drawer or cabinet in our house. I will look forward to another visit from her. And Mary Jayne loved her so that makes you feel good.

Hi Connie!

I'm so glad the new case worker was pleasant--doesn't that make all the difference at times?

Is there any way to let the powers that be (for lack of better words) know about the lack of funding set up for the children? Or will you get a chance to talk about that in court?

Switching gears to a completely different and light note--I can relate to having a big dog running through your garden, and then finding it hard to be mad when they look so cute!

The other day my dog decided to pull the bag of potting soil across our back patio, rip it open, and then started to dig in the soil like we was digging a huge hole in the ground.

Keep in mind--the dog will be SIX years old in July. He loves to hang out with me while I plant flowers, but has never (in six years) attacked the potting soil. Until now.

I think I've got a quick clip of it, and if so I'll post a link to it later today.

LOL Brandii, Morty ripped open a bag of potting soil I left on the back porch but luckily we caught him in the act. Of course, it was brand new. At 6 your dog sounds pretty frisky still.

Well, we have given up complaining about the money thing. She is supposed to set up those trusts and I just figure that shows how little she really cares. I could see not setting up the trust fund for the other girl, but your own child? Who wouldn't want to have all the best for their own child?

I am a cat person (but haven't had one for over 20 years), not a dog person, but love to hear you two talk about yours. Course I say 'That's why I don't have one!' I'll tell you about my 3 year old grandson though. The quilt store (where I had a quilt quilted) has a stone fish pond in the middle of the store - 8-inch gold fish included. When I was there the other day, my grandson (who is trained) climbed up on this pond, played with the fish and left a puddle in the middle of the store. His parents basical said 'Isn't that cute?' and walked off. I was embarrassed but also didn't do anything.

So about your granddaughters. Are Mary Jane and Tiffany half-sisters? Isn't the other mother concerned about her daughter's future financial welfare? If this was part of the settlement, seems like there would be a legal way to force the woman. Also seems like this attitude would affect the DHS's rulings. I gave up trying to figure out that department years ago. Seems like you have a decent CW now. It would be nice if they could all keep that personality, but don't you think it is the job that turns them.

Today is the last day of school, so I will be busy with my summer Grandma Day Care and won't be stopping in very often. These boys are 11 and 13 and shouldn't need grandma so much, but I think they'd kill each other if left on their own.

Good Luck this summer. GrannyH

Oh, what a funny story about your grandson...I guess if they didn't know you then you could've said "who are these people?" and walked off. But now you are the gramma and these things don't reflect on you!

Mary Jayne and Tiffany are cousins. Their parents are my oldest children. It is nice to be able to see Tiffany so much. She had moved to Arizona and then Iowa and we missed her terribly.

My husband talked to 8 lawyers about the trust fund that the mom said our son wanted for the girls. In open court too, so there is a record but basically the lawyers all said the same thing, he could have left the money to anyone and there is nothing we could do because it is a contract. Also they were not married and if they would have been then there possibly would have been something done about it if they had been married. But I figure that the money would have been gone before we could have gotten her into court and then all that would have been left was a ruling. Plus we would be out money for a lawyer. One lawyer even told my husband if he wanted the girls to have anything to take that money he would have spent on a lawyer and put it in the bank.

We will miss you so much while gramma day care is in session. I sure don't miss those summers spent with teens who are "bored". They finally did learn not to tell me that because I would find them a chore to do so they wouldn't be bored. I would always tell them I wished I was bored!

LOL, Granny H! Truer words were never spoken (or typed).

I hope everything goes well with Grandma Day Care! I'll look forward to hearing your funny stories about it when you get a spare minute or two to check in!

Hi Connie, Granny H, and everyone else!

How is your summer going?

Connie, how is the work on the house coming along? Have you taken a break yet?

How is your granddaughter enjoying the summer?

Granny H, how is "Grandma Day Care" going? I bet your grandchildren are having a blast!

I'm thinking about you, Connie with the upcoming court date. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible.

Hey Brandii, definately I think I am on break for a while! I did purchase some new light fixtures for the kitchen and hubby has to take down the old ones so I can paint before we put up the new ones. So I have been working on getting the kitchen cleaned up and will have to paint on the weekend when my husband is home to babysit. And seems like weekends are very busy with it being summer and so much yard work to do.

Well, I talked with the caseworker last week and she thinks the mom is doing great...she is pregnant and both her and the boyfriend have done everything so they are working towards reunification. I asked her if doing everything meant visiting your child? She has had 4 1-hour visits since February. She is still on supervised visits. My husband said I just need to face facts that they are going to give her back and could care less if she knows her mom or not. And with a new baby coming it seems very unfair to me that my grandaughter doesn't even know her mom, vice-versa. We are supposed to all get together for a meeting on the 2nd and this is going to be the "plan" for what is supposed to happen before the next court date which I am figuring will be in January. So I have been pretty bummed out about things. The mom hasn't called to check on our grandaughter in over a week now. Guess she is just too busy. I guess I just need to not worry about things as it doesn't help anything.

Connie, I really thought this was going to work out differently for you. And it is bringing back some painful memories. In my case, my son and his 'wife' didn't want their son - yet they did everything they could to insure I didn't get to raise him. They convinced the caseworker (who had originally told me grandparents would be the first option) to even withdraw my phone privileges. My grandson went through a series of placements - foster care, a young men's home, and now a group home. I think life will always be a little hard for him because he is not where he should be. He does have autism, but he is very functioning. However, he has accepted his fate, I have accepted his fate, and I just say at least he isn't being raised by his parents.

So Granny's Day Care is for his two younger brothers. Their circumstances are slightly simplier. They have bad parents. (I have said these boys would have no problems if their mother was just committed. I don't give my son a free ride, either.) Things are going pretty well. All I have to do is keep track of their schedules, get them going where they need to go, and feed them lunch. They are involved in planned activities - swimming, etc.

Good thoughts will continue to be sent your way Connie. GrannyH

Granny, I am sorry to hear about what has happened in the past with your grandson. When we started this we were told it was all about making sure our grandaughter was safe. But I don't feel that it has ever been about anything more than getting her back with the mom. I have heard so many excuses for the mom's behavior it is sickening.

So do you get to see your grandson now? I think the grandparents should have way more rights but that is not the way that things work out.

The mom called yesterday and asked if I would bring my grandaughter over today at 1 to her house. She wants her to see her bedroom. Also the boyfriend is going to be there. My husband had told me to tell her no but I told him we have to go along with her wishes and hope that she will allow us to see our grandaughter later.

Well, the visit was ok. I ended up staying 2 1/2 hrs. Their a/c was out and it was very hot and they smoke and so I had a headache by the time I left. Her house is very nice and so that was good to see that my grandaughter will have a nice place to live. She said the worker told her that she needs to start having 3 visits a week, at least 2 hrs long. I am going to call and tell her they should supervise at least one. The mom is not supposed to be driving and wants me to drive over there and I just don't think that is fair to me. I think they need to work on having unsupervised visits. I had told her if she didn't get her act together then they had told me this could go on another 18 months. And I told her she needs to get to know her daughter because this is going to be traumatic for her.

Connie,

I'm glad the visit went well, and thankful that the house is a nice place for your granddaughter.

You've been so strong through this, and such a wonderful influence in your granddaughter's life. I can't imagine the feelings you are going through right now.

I hope the additional visits will be welcomed by her, and that it gets easier for your granddaughter.

How did she feel about having additional visits?

I know the next month will be tough--I'm thinking about you!!

Hi Granny H!

It sounds like you've had so much on your plate, just like Connie.

You both are wonderful examples of what it means to be a mother and grandmother.

I'm so sorry for everything you've been though!

I'm happy the "Granny's Day Care" is going well. I'm sure keeping them busy is good thing, right?

Do you have any July 4th plans with them, or do you get some time off?

Mom called on Saturday and said she was going to come over twice this week but was unsure when. My husband was grumping about the extra visits, I know he is so upset about not being able to adopt our grandaughter. The whole situation has been a horrible mess. I just keep telling him it will be better for our grandaughter to get to know her mom. I think it is going to be difficult for everyone once she goes back with the mom. Especially for our grandaughter who won't be old enough to understand. During our classes they had told us that moving a child sets them back 6 months or more and how they are not as mature as other children their own age. I can see how that would be true. It makes you feel for all the children that are in the foster care system. Life is hard enough without having problems!

Hi Connie!

How did the visits go this week?

My heart goes out to and your husband--I know this has got to me so stressful.

I think you're right, that if you granddaughter is able to get to know her mom, and her mom provides a safe, loving environment for her, maybe things will turn around. At the very least, your relationship with your granddaughter can continue to grow, even after the move.

That being said, I'm sure you and your husband are going through so much right now. Are you seeing any progress at all on the other side?

Hang in there, and know that we're here for you on the forum always, but especially during these next few months.

Well, she did not call until Thursday. I had called the worker and told her she had not made one phone call or visit all week and I am assuming the call was because of the worker. That is what upsets me more than anything, her blase attitude towards everything. I had told my worker that the worker from the other county was being audited and they picked our case so today a lady from the state came to visit us. Actually she did give us some hope and made some suggestions and said it seemed like the mother had every chance/opportunity but was not doing anything. I don't know though, it just seems like no one is looking out for our grandaughter's well being. So basically we had to tell the whole story from the begining again and I had to leave the room once to cry and so now I just feel so exhausted. I guess because I love my children dearly and just can't imagine not wanting to be part of their lives.

Hi Connie!

Wow--it sounds like today was an emotionally exhaustive day.

I'm so sorry that the visits did not happened this week as were talked about. I can't imagine your disappointment.

It seems like the person that visited you today had more insight or more of a realistic view of what was going on from your post. I know it was hard (to say the least) for you to explain everything from the start.

I am thankful you had the chance to go over everything to someone that really listened and offered some hope.

Connie, stay strong! I've gotten so much strength (as many others I'm sure) from reading everything you have been through, and seeing what an amazing mom and grandmother you are.

I know it doesn't take away the pain of the entire situation, but know that you have all the support of us here!

Thanks for your support Brandii...this is such a hard thing to go through. We want the best for our grandaughter and I just worry so much about her future. Just the fact that her mom can go so long without seeing her or calling to check on her worries me. They just don't have a bond. And with a new baby coming the baby is going to take all her attention and I just don't feel it is fair to my grandaughter. And the DHS keeps telling me she needs to be with her mom. I told them that is in a perfect world. This situation is not a perfect one.

But anyway, my brother will be here today from Pennsylvania and we have not seen him in a year. I am so glad they are coming here because it is too late for me to be able to get a visit okayed. I just feel sad to not be able to go to my moms so we can all be together. My mom cried on the phone to me last night about wishing I would be there when he was and it was all I could do not to cry too! We have already made plans anyway for the upcoming holiday. My younger daughter is coming to visit us (the one that just had the baby) and stay for a couple of weeks so it will be really nice!

Does DHS realize how little she's called to check in on her daughter? Weren't they the ones who said she needed to have more visits? So if that's not happening, that's got to be extremely frustrating! Do they have record of the visits not happening (and lack of phone calls) since their last request to increase the visits?


On a side note, I hope you guys have fun weekend with your family that is visiting!

Brandii, I do keep a journal and I guess it is my chore to call on a weekly basis to let them know what is going on. Or what is not going on. They do take notes of what I tell them I guess, but I do have everything documented.

My brother was here and just left earlier. It was a nice visit but I am bushed from all the cleaning and now all the cooking and staying up too late visiting!

Hi Connie!

I'm glad you had a nice visit with your brother!

Do you guys have any plans for the fourth of July?

I hope Grandma's Day Care is going well for GrannyH.

Hi, Granny H, if you're checking in.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Hi to both of you. I'm just going to check in and not get too specific. I however may end up in the Autism forum with a question. This past week has been a difficult one. My autistic grandson has been an adult since last September. For whatever reason, his parents can not have legal quardianship of him. When his parent had to decide who should hold that position, they chose the grandmother who opposed them the least, and I was not that person. This week the other grandmother 'threw a fit' about something, and that resulted in a busy complicated week.

Otherwise, I had a very good weekend. My parents had 8 children, 9 grandchildren, and (if they were still alive) would be waiting for great-grandchildren numbers 12 and 13. I think we add 11 in-laws. (I made breakfast reservations for 40.) Except for one nephew who is in Iraq, we spent 3 days together at a campground. Had a very good time.

I feel as if everything is returning to normal for me today and I can finally take a breathe.

At any rate, my situation does not fit in here; but I have so many concerns for you, Connie. I do hope eveything will turn out OK. I often wonder what the motivation is for many of the actions of the case workers. What makes them ask the same questions over and over? I decided once that they are just making sure that your concerns, opinion, etc, have not changed.

I am so glad you finally get to see your newest grandson. Do you have more than the three grandchildren? Have a good time with them all, and remember there are people thinking of you. GrannyH

Hey Brandii & Granny! Sounds like you have been family busy too Granny. I am not sure when my daughter will get to my moms (I will have to go pick her up from there) but am looking forward to more visiting.

Yes, we have plans for the 4th with my other daughter that lives close to us. This is the one that has the other grandaughter that visits often. I have 5 grandchildren in all. Mary Jayne has a half sister (she is 6 and we have not met her as we only found out about her a year or longer ago after dna test by court) and then the grandaughter that lives close by and the 2 grandsons and Mary Jayne. Hopefully that will be all for a while.

I have a dr appointment tommorow. I know my antidepressant is not working. I have been having horrible side effects. Mainly sweating and headaches and just feeling depressed still. I am thinking all this stress doesn't help either. Hubby also suggested I ask my dr to recommend someone for counseling or therapy for me. I am sure that I really need it and am not opposed to doing something like that.

Oopps...wasn't finished gabbing. My poor dog. I quicked him last night trimming his nails and he was still bleeding this morning, but by the time I got to the vet we decided it didn't need cauterizing. He has had this rash on his belly and under his front legs and usually I file his nails after I trim them so they won't be sharp and he just shredded his underside with his nails and the vet ended up giving him an allergy shot. So I have been busy doing laundry and cleaning up the mess from last night. He bled quite a bit in the night. Poor guy. He did have a nice visit though and loves to ride in the car.

Granny H, I'm sorry about everything you're going through with your grandson. There is a forum called Autism Spectrum Disorders:

Autisum Forum

They can help with questions/concerns regarding autism.

On a light note, as I was reading your post, I was happy to see you guys had a great time with family! But, I thought your post said that you made breakfast for 40! I went back and saw that it was breakfast reservations for 40, lol!

And Connie, I'm sorry about Morty!

Have you seen the commercial for the nail clipper for dogs? It looked ok, and they "say" it prevents nicks. I haven't used it, though.

My problem is that my dog does NOT sit still, so we have given up, and let the vet's office take care of it.

Brandii, he is pretty cooperative about having his nails trimmied. I have thought about that pedipaw, but didn't know how he would take that.

His rash is a lot better, but the side effect from the steriod is thirst and he is drinking water like there is no tommorow and has had several accidents in the house. Let me tell you, 130 lbs of dog can make a big oops in your floor! Poor guy, you can tell it upsets him when it happens. He has gotten me up in the night the past few nights to go out too. I will be glad when things are back to normal with him.

I did go to the dr and he put me on an anti anxiety and already I can tell it has helped. Next week we have the meeting with mom and everyone and then the week later the court date. We are expecting we will have our grandaughter for 6 more months or more.

Hi Connie!

I'm so happy that you saw your doctor and that the medication is making a difference!

We've talked before on this forum about the importance of reaching out and getting help when you need it, and I am so thankful that you were able to do that.

Wow--it sounds like the next few weeks are pretty significant. Does having another six months make it easier or harder on you and your husband? Do you feel like you're stuck in the middle, for lack of a better word?

On a dog note, I can only imagine the mess that 130 pounds of a dog (lovable and adorable one, of course) would make!

Does he provide some comic relief now and then? He is the cutest dog--I have LOVED your pictures of him, the house, and of course your precious granddaughter!

I'm just about to grab dinner, but will be back to post a photo of my crazy and wild dog (our number one source of comic relief).

Hey Brandii, well, we are not for sure how much longer she will be with us. It all depends on her mom and if she can do what she is supposed to do which pretty much now all she has to do is make visits with our grandaughter and get to know her.

Morty's rash is totally gone. Yesterday he didn't have an accident all day/night in the house. That sure was nice!

My younger daughter is supposed to be here on Monday and my older daughter is going with me to pick her up so I am looking forward to some family time. All my grandchildren but one will be here and it will be so nice!

I hope everyone has a nice 4th holiday. We are cooking out with our older daughter.

I did make an appointment with a concelor for the 14th and I am looking forward to that.

Also, on a more stess note, my son passed out at work yesterday and after thinking/discussing my husband and I think he is anorexic. So I will be a new poster in that forum.

Connie, Oh, I feel your concern. My maternal grandmother took custody of me at birth. Lots of abuse issues there and the bio mother was more interested in boy friend than her husband or her new baby. My bio mother was off living her life. After their divorce the bio father moved far away. I grew up calling my grandmother MOM. Looking back on it, not sure. She was the only Mom I ever had and I wouldn't change it for the world. She was my rock. However, over the years it did cause a great deal of problems whenever the bio mother would come around which wasn't very often, but it did cause problems. As she was more like an older sister to me than a mother. I knew she was my bio mother but it was just a fact. I called her by her given name from the time I was old enough to say her name. Over the years the bio mother had pretty much nothing to do with anything in our lives. And when Mom got sick with Alzheimers Disease, I tried to talk her (my bio mother) into talking with her mother before things got too bad. She didn't. She would stay away for long periods of time, even seven years, and they only lived 20 minutes from each other. Mom passed away in 2005 and to this day the bio mother refuses to talk to me, saying that I took her place with her own mother. And yes, the bio mother is very narcissitic. At the age of your granddaughter now, I'd say, she should call you grandma, nana, or something other than Mom. My prayers are with you. Just my opinion. Hugs.

Hi Connie!

I'm so sorry to hear about your son! Is he feeling any better now?

I am happy you have an appointment with a counselor. Good for you! With all that you have on your plate, I think it'll be so nice to have help in coping with everything.

How did your cookout go? I hope everyone had a nice time (and that you didn't get stuck with too much work, lol)

And hi OneTiredMom! Thank you for offering your point of view and perspective. Welcome to Bella Online and to the Adoption forum!

Brandii,

He is feeling much better. I just don't think he eats enough and I worry as he will be moving away for college in a month.

The cookout was great, and now my youngest daughter is here visiting for a couple of weeks with our newest grandbaby so my other daughter was here for supper tonight and we all had a really nice visit.

Connie, I am so glad you have been about to get together with your kids and grandkids this summer. Especially to meet that new one. I'll bet he's a real cutie and changing every day the way they do at that age. Is your college freshman son going far away to school? You never stop worrying about them, and they seem to never stop giving you reasons for more worry. Please tell us which day your court hearing is so I can spend the entire day sending you good thoughts.

You are right, Brandii, I did not cook breakfast for 40 people. I did however make 2 turkeys for our potluck meal. The result was just so-so. We have had this reunion every year for the past 25 years. It's a camping weekend, so we are not in confined spaces. Almost half of us came home with respiratory problems (myself and my husband included) so I've been just barely functioning. But the day care goes on. I was in the work force when my sons were this age. I never understand when mothers wanted summer to be over. Now I'm counting the days. And I don't have them every day.

Good thoughts for now. I'll check in again. GrannyH

Hey Granny, the meeting for the plan for the next 3-6 months is tomorrow. The hearing is the 17th and for sure I will be thankful for any/all prayers and good thoughts sent my way!

Today we went to see hubby's gramma (great-great gramma to these kids) and then we went and saw hubby's mom (great gramma to the kids). I took 4 grandchildren with me and they were so good. It was nice to be home though as it is so hot and 2 of the kids are so little they don't ride long very well! Am enjoying the baby so much. He is very happy and just smiles and coos at you when you talk to him.

Hi Connie!

How did the meeting go?? I don't want to bug you, but have been thinking about you and your family non stop since yesterday!

It sounds like every one had a great time with the great great grandmother.

Hey Brandii...well, the meeting was like a 3 ring circus. At one point my husband got upset and started over the table at the mom of our babies mom. 12 adults were there and no one did anything to stop the verbal abuse. She was blaming everything on our dead son and I wanted to scream "he has been gone a year and she doesn't have the baby back....hello!". Later she started in on me and I just told her to just hush. There was lots of crying and screaming and I wanted to just crawl under a rock. Her husband and daughter kept telling her to be quiet but she just couldn't stand it. The workers kept telling her the past is the past and we are working towards the future. We are not here to rehash the past.

So anyway, mom has to do 6 weeks worth of visits (3 times a week, at least 2 hrs a visit) and if she cannot do that then this will be over. But on Friday she came for her visit and has called several times and I invited her and her family over today (it is MJ's birthday) at 2 so ya'll be saying mega prayers that her mom will be able to keep her mouth shut. I am trying very hard to be nice and accomodating because I don't want to be sorry later if they will not let me see my grandaughter. I will know in my heart that I have done everything and more than I had to.

We still go to court the 17th but I don't think the judge will decide anything different than what the caseworkers plan is.

On a good note, we had the baby's birthday on Saturday and had my son's step sister and her husband, my mother in law, my daughter that lives in the next town over and her boyfriend and my grandaughter, and my daughter that is visiting with the baby and her 3 yr old. So we all had a nice time.


Happy Birthday Mary Jayne


All my grandkids

Couldn't leave out Morty! He is enjoying lots of water out side!

Hi Connie!

Wow--it sounds like it was one crazy meeting. I'm so sorry you all had to go through that.

You are so strong to keep thinking about the future and not the past, and I'm sure that is harder than words can say. Don't you wish everyone else could do the same?

I'm glad there at least seems to be a solid plan in place.

On a light note, the pictures are precious! You have such beautiful grandchildren, and of course, Morty is adorable as usual.

There are so many other people that can relate to your situation, either through grandparents taking in grandchildren, and taking care of them or being there to adopt them if possible.

You are such a great example of how to make this work, and how to keep the best interest of the child in mind. I know it's been harder than you can express, but you and your husband are such good examples of what it means to be a parent and grandparent.

I know the party is about to start, so please check back in and let us know how it went. I've got my fingers crossed for you that everything goes a lot more smoothly than the last meeting!

Well, I was waiting for Jerry Springer to show up with a stripper at that meeting LOL. Hubby still can't laugh about it but I have to or I would sit in the floor and sob all day!

The birthday party was good. No one said anything "off" and Mary Jayne had a good time. They brought cake and lots of presents. So 2 birthday parties in 2 days time...pretty lucky little gal!

Hi Connie!

Your sense of humor is wonderful!

I bet Mary Jayne is one happy gal with two birthday parties in two days!

I am thrilled that everything went well. I'm sure it was a relief after the last meeting.

How are your house projects going?

Brandii, I have my dad's sense of humor. He is a funny guy. He tells the best stories. Reminds me of my grampa more and more as he gets older. My sister always tells me I can always cheer her up is she is blue.

My daughter with the 6 month old has been here for a week and I think may stay another week. So right now I am just having fun being gramma. Today I am taking all the grandkids to have photos made. I thought it would be nice. Also I go to see the councelor today and I am looking forward to any suggestions she might have. I am feeling much better since changing my medications but I know having someone to talk to who is out of the circle will really help.

No house projects right now. It is just too hot to do anything. One day this week it is supposed to be 95. I think the hottest day was 118. My poor air conditioner unit can't cool it much under 84. It is all I can do to motivate myself to slave over that stove at night! We have a really old turkey cooker (actually I have 3, I picked 2 up at garage sales for under $10 each. Those things didn't get much use) and yesterday I put a roast in there with potatoes, onions, carrots and mushrooms and we only cooked some squash on the stove and it was still too hot. I cook my roast all day on low and so I put the cooker in the basement and the house didn't get so heated up. Going down to do laundry made me hungry though! Today is b-b-q with the leftovers, potato salad and some deviled eggs. Makes me hungry just thinking of it!

Poor Morty, no water playing today. He was very disapointed when I didn't water him. It is too hot to leave him outside and I don't want wet dog on my bed!

Hi Connie!

I have two words for you: SlOW COOKER!

It will not make your house hot at all. I have used two at one time. The only way I knew they were even on was the wonderful smells that filled the house.

I use mine for breakfast casseroles, soups, roasts, veggies, baked potatoes, bbq, cobblers, and even lasagna (using the no boil noodles).

You could say I'm a little obsessed with the slow cooker. Ok, a lot!

Have fun with the grandkids today! I bet you'll get some great photos.

Good luck with your appointment as well! I hope you'll get some additional suggestions, to help along with your meds (and I'm so happy that you're feeling better with those)

I do have a slow cooker, but that roast was just too big. I always buy a big one and then freeze some of the leftovers for BBQ on another day when I need a quick meal. I have a few slow cooker recipies, I will have to look into more. Mostly we make beans in it and I have stew meat recipe I love and I make a loaf of bread to go with that. I do love that breadmaker! I make 2 loaves a week.

Hope you aren't too hot today! It is already too hot here.

3-ring circus, huh, I used to call it a soap opera. Did that meeting occur in your house? Sometimes ours were in public areas, but I've 'hosted' some as well. You'll be having your granddaughter's mother in your house 6 hours each week. Will that be difficult for you? I think you and your husband have a good handle on how to deal with the situation, so I'll only offer my encouragement to keep it up.

Connie and I have talked in the past about the Minnesota winter weather. So, I'd like to thumb my nose at you but I don't know how to spell it - nanna, nanna, nanna??? We are not expected to reach the 80's this week - and that's almost normal. It is said that our summers are God's compensation for the winters he sends us. The last 2 days northern Minnesota has waken up to temps 'just' warmer than freezing (35). I've always known that there is only one month in Minnesota that there has been NO snow. I never could remember if it was July or August. We're now so close to the possibility that it must be August. Where do you live Brandii?

I've also told you, Connie, that my son and his wife would be journeying to Enid, OK on his motorcylce this month. That trip has fallen through. I won't have the two that I call Tweens for that stretch. The normal GrannyCare is doing fine.

Tomorrow I have the 3 year old. His mother does not work so I don't normally have him. He always want to come, but doesn't like staying. I may have to stir up a batch of play dough tonight. He loves that.

I'll keep your friday meeting in my thoughts. GrannyH

The meeting with all the people was at the DHS office. The birthday party was at my house. Yep, soap opera I do totally relate to that feeling!

I don't mind having the mom at my house. It is her mom that really gets to me. At first we are supposed to do all visits at our house and then as time goes by we will go to her house.

Your son will be glad that he didn't go to Enid. It is so hot here. I see people on their motorcycles and know they are frying. Hubby used to have a Harley and around here nice riding weather is a small period of time. Most of the time you would have to wear leather in the morning and then be melting in the afternoon.

Good luck with the 3 yr old. They can be so muich fun and so frustrating too!

Court was today and the judge set the next court date for October 9th I think. He didn't say anything other than ordering a hair folicle test for her and her boyfriend that is living in the home with her. So we will just have to wait and see what happens.

Hi GrannyH and Connie!

GrannyH,

I'm laughing about the weather--I live in the south (North Carolina), but I LOVE winter weather. Granted, I don't have the winter weather you have, so I say that lightly, lol!

I don't mind the heat as much, but when the humidity gets so high it makes it hard to enjoy anytime outside (even our dog doesn't like to romp around in the yard that much, lol).

It sounds like you have a bit of a break from Granny Day Care! What are some of your hobbies that you like to do in your free time?

Connie, how are you doing? What did you think about the court hearing--was it what you had expected? Have there been any further visits planned according to the agreed upon plan?

I am sending tons of positive thoughts and lots of prayers your way!

I am fine Brandii, I really didn't expect much out of court. We felt like the judge would accept the plan set forth in the meeting the other day. We are sticking to the Mon-Wed-Fri visits, I feel that the time is flexible. She is supposed to come at different times to learn MJ's schedule.

My other grandaughters dad died the other day, he drowned in the Iowa River. So it is weird now that none of my 3 grandaughters have a father. Tiffany didn't really know her dad and typical of a 5 year old when she heard he died in the river she asked if alligators had eaten him! She had spent the night with us the day she found out and told me she was a little sad her real dad had died.

Where to begin???

Brandii: A long time ago when I was employed, my boss would introduce me as follows: "If there's anything you what to know, just ask Soni. She's a jack of all trade, but master of none." That was true in my professional career and also in my personal life. I usually have six or seven things going at a time, but nothing sticks out as having more importance than anything else. I just do lots of things to keep me busy and when I'm done with a project I will go onto something completely different. My big projects right now involve quilting; and that is where I first met Connie at these forums.

I have lived in the south. When my oldest was very young, we lived in Virginia. My youngest was born in Texas. When we were out of the military, we 'ran' back north. This past week throughout the upper Midwest has been about 15 degrees below normal. The city swimming pool was closed two days because it was too cold. (62 one day) We should be in the 80's tomorrow.

Except for my grandson who was moved to a group home across the state (to keep him away from me), 3 grandkids live 4 blocks away in one direct and the 2 grandkids I do day care for live 5 blocks in the opposite direction. I've been having them about 2 days a week - and not very many hours each day. The parents are working on making them more responsible - They really are old enough. But one came here at 3 in the afternoon yesterday and asked me to make him lunch cause he hadn't eaten yet.

Connie: I was thinking about you all day yesterday. Is the hair test for drugs? Does the mother really want her daughter, or is her mother pushing her?

We are dealing with a couple of deaths, people in the 80's, but you just know that is a part of life. I don't know how to deal with the death of young people - and the effects on their children. I've always said you sound as if you could handle most of what life sends you, so I know you're be good for your grandchildren. I hope you have someone you can turn to.

Continued good thoughts to you. GrannyH

Hey Granny, wow the pool being closed for 2 days because of cold weather! I guess it is hard to imagine as we are all here melting! I did look at the 10 day forecast and no 100 degree days are expected, a few in the high 80s and that will be really nice! Hubbys cucumbers weren't setting blooms during all that hot spell and now they are back to producing. He usually makes about 100 quarts of dill whole pickles. He eats them in his lunch every day.

Your grandchildren live really close to you. That is really nice. We always lived away from my grandparents (both sets lived in the same town and my mom and dad went to school together their whole lives...they were even high school sweethearts) I always felt a special bond with them as I was the first grandaughter and I have wonderful memories of my grandparents. My parents made sure we spent time with them. So I have always tried to be like my grammas were. I still have one alive now and am very fortunate to have not lost any of my grandparents until I was in my late 20s. I am almost 41 now. I also had great grammas that I remember until I was about 18 and the 3 I had then passed away after that. One of my great grammas I remember very well as we spent lots of time with her. She was very sweet and never had a bad thing to say about anyone. My grandmother and I talked about her a lot. Sometimes I would have dreams about her and call my gramma and tell her about them. After my grandfather passed away I had a dream where he came to me and hugged me and comforted me and then told me he was counting on me to check on my gramma and make sure that she was ok. We live far away but I made sure that I called her once a week to see how she was and if she needed anything I would call my dad and tell him. She was not one to ask for help.

The hair folicle test is for drugs but I swear that they told us it would also show drinking too. The dhs dropped the ball and didn't drug test her for a few months and so now they ordered that to confirm if she was clean or not. And they told her there are ways around UA's but not the hair folicle testing. I am thinking it will go back 6 months maybe. And they are testing her and her boyfriend since they are living together. They are supposed to do that by Tuesday. So I will be anxious to see how the test turns out.

I have started seeing a counselor on Tuesdays and she told me that I have awesome coping skills. I have just always thought that you have to take what life gives you and make something good of it. Otherwise I might go crazy trying to figure out the why and how of it all. I don't know that they would let me get on the internet in the little padded cells lol. I had told my hubby before though it does sound tempting. You can hang out in your pajamas all day, someone cooks and cleans for you, all the therapy you could ever want and drugs too!

Thanks to you all for your continued support. I am very lucky that my family is very supportive so if I need to vent someone is always there to listen. I feel as if you all are my family too!

Oh, at this point I think she really does want our grandaughter back. I don't think she is having a lot to do with her mother as her mother is not very supportive of her and always telling her what to do. It is like she is still a child. Her mom was not at the court and I think that was the smartest thing she could've done as her mom was horrible at the meeting for the plan for the next 3 months. We go back to court in October on the first. So we will just have to see what happens between now and then.

GrannyH and Connie, you both are amazing grandmothers!

GrannyH, I'm still getting over the pool being closed because it's too cold! I was outside with my dog the other day, and it was so hot. My neighbor's sprinklers looked very inviting! Of course, I'd probably look a bit silly running through their sprinkler with a great big dog joyfully following behind. It was a nice thought, though!

Connie, I'm so happy to hear that your counseling is going well. It's about time you have a third party that's there for you and you only.

Once again, your sense of humor is the best! If they lock you away, I'll send you print outs of the forum postings that you're missing.

How is your husband coping with everything now?

LOL Brandii...I will appreciate the updates!

Hubby tends to just bottle everything up and not want to talk about anything. I have tried to get him to see our doctor or go to the therapist but he always tells me that is "not for him". I figure he is going to have a meltdown sooner or later. It will be very hard for him when our grandaughter returns to her home.

I went to my mom's this weekend. I left Thursday night so I could go with my mom to see my gramma on Friday. She can't drive so mom takes her to get her hair done on Friday and we took her to eat lunch after her hairdo. It is so horrible to see her the way she is. She has lost so much weight in the last year and a half, she was wearing size 14 and is down to size 6 or less now. She has had a lot of health issues and the last time she was in the hospital we all thought she was going to die. Mom had taken her and bought new clothes a couple of weeks ago but she wasn't wearing them and I told mom to clean her closet out so they did and she doesn't have much to wear. Gramma hadn't ate for 2 days because she was having stomach issues. She did eat a good lunch, I was surprised. So after lunch we went shopping and mom helped her dress and I ran around the store and picked things to wear. She wanted pants with pockets for her kleenex and you would not belive it but I guess pockets are out. Jeans wouldn't work because she has a hard time getting them on. We spend over $800, it was fun and so hopefully gramma will be happy with her new clothes. I told her I wanted her to come and stay with me...I would even get rid of my dog (she is allergic). She was surprised I would get rid of my dog. I told her I love her and wanted to take care of her if she let me. I am sure that won't ever happen but I think she needs to know that she has some options. I think she needs a day nurse to come and stay with her and if I lived closer I would be more than happy to help out. Mom said she was surprised that gramma let me help her in/out of the car and I took her arm while we walked, helped her in her chair at lunch. I just assumed they did that with her. She told me that she usually told her she didn't need any help. I didn't ask if she needed help. Maybe I am more assertive than my mom!

My sister and I had a craft show on Saturday. She didn't do well at all and I did so so, but it was nice just to be together.

My mom has also lost a bunch of weight and so I got clothes from her and my gramma. I guess I need to hope not to gain or lose and weight for a while! I had a car full of stuff. Mom has decluttered and there was stuff to pass down to my daughter. My sister must've been in the declutter mode too and sent a bunch of toys and books and puzzles for my grandaughter.

I had a nice time but then it was sad to see my gramma so helpless. I am going to have to do a better job of keeping in touch with her and try to visit more often.

Hi Connie!

It sounds like you had a fun time with your mom and grandmother. I'm so sorry to hear about her health issues.

I'm sure she appreciated getting new clothes! As far as the pants with pockets, my grandmother has worn those for years, and I do believe that some of them have pockets.

I think they were purchased at a local dept. store here (Belk's I believe). I think there are a few online retailers as well--let me know if you still need help finding some.

As far as not seeing your grandmother as much, I know that can hard. Maybe you can mail pictures of the grandkids, house, etc., to her every few weeks? Even thought it's not the same as an in person visit, I bet she'd love to get such a fun surprise in the mail.

Tell me more about the craft show! What type of crafts did you have?

Hey Brandii, yes sending photos in the mail is a nice idea. I do send them occasionally. But I am sure I can be better than I do. We did manage to get her fixed up with pants (that even have pockets!).

My sister and I make jewelry. Her stuff is really big and lots of bling and turquoise. She did a show this weekend and sold over $400 so she felt better! I was gone to Oklahoma City with my husband and it was nice to have just me and him time. There was a vintage flea market going on and we went and I finally got a Lane cedar chest. I have been wanting one forever! And my hubby talked the lady down to $130. She originally wanted $175 but had already marked it down some. It is really nice. I also bought a composite doll from probably the 40's. She was only $12.50. She is very cute. My son thought she was really creepy lol. I am not a doll collector, but she was so cute I had to have her. We also did some shopping but mostly it was nice to get away and be alone.

Here is a photo of my cedar chest

Kinship adoption is common and has been for countless years. Centuries ago when the medical field was in its infancy and people could not overcome illness,many children were left orphaned when their parents died of illness.

I compiled a book in 2004 called "Letters and Reflections to My Adopted Daughters" by John Newton,Englsh writer of the most famous hymn Amazing Grace, pastor and adoptive father of his two orphaned nieces.

As an adoptee who is an avid collector of adoption books, I saw a vintage book on ebay about Letters to an Adopted Daughter. I purchased the old vintage leather copy of this small book and was very touched by the letters of this humble,loving adoptive father. I wrote the publisher and found that only old vintage frail copies were available from the 1800's. Realizing that the book was out of print and very expensive for others to purchase I had the book reprinted, along with another small book John Newton wrote that had reflections of the last weeks of his young adopted daughter Eliza's life and his Christian faith recollections.These two books are included in the softcover book as one book.

The book is available on Amazon.com- just look for it under "Jody Moreen" or the title listed above. On Amazon the nice thing is you can read some of the book on that site- one of the letters is available by clicking the arrow to see the books title page, contents, and one chapter. The book is written in old English, and definately shares John Newton's love for God and the scriptures. I did not reprint the book to make money- it cost alot to publish but to be a benefit for others.

Some libraries carry the book, or I often fill in the suggestions for books forms at my local library and then they have wonderfully ordered the books- then they call me as the first person to take the book out on loan.

If anyone reads the book, write a review on it on Amazon.

God bless those in kinship adoptions. Children adopted into their extended families do have the wonderful kinship connection which many adoptees long for.

Blessings, Jody

Hi Connie!

Your cedar chest is beautiful!

I'm so happy you and your husband had some time away together alone. It must have been a relief to just be able to relax a little.

How about your sister making $400?! That's fantastic!

I had visions years ago about turning ordinary flower pots into hand painted 'works of art' lol.

I set up a few in our basement, and went to town with my paint. Well, for about five minutes at least. The fumes from the paint were a bit overwhelming.

My dreams of selling my hand painted flower pots across the state at shows and festivals went down the drain as I went out to get fresh air.

Are you guys having a good weekend?

How are the visits with the Mom going? Is she making the required number of visits so far?

Hey Brandii, I have always wanted a cedar chest. I had a friend that had one and she called it her hope chest, her mom called it her hopeless chest lol.

Visits are ok. She missed one last week because she was sick. This is week 5 now. One more week after this week and she should be on unsupervised visitation. We have another new case worker (this makes #6) and so she is supposed to come make a house check this week sometime, I feel like she will just pop in because she didn't want to make an appointment.

It has been pretty busy here. I have been canning tomatoes and yesterday I made cherry jelly. On Thursday I bought an 18# box of colorado peaches (yummy!!) and made juice. Enough to make 5 batches of jelly so I was very pleased. Today I am taking my grandaughter Tiffany clothes shopping for school. She starts the 20th. My son is off to college on Thursday so we will move him and he starts school next Monday. Tommorow I am off to Oklahoma City to take hubby's dentures in. We have to leave at 5:30 to make it there by 8:15. I will have till 4 to do some shopping. I have found some quilt shops to visit and it will be a fun day!

Connie, I love your 'hope chest'. Back, before my generation, girls/women were given these as graduation gifts, etc, to be used as a storage unit for them to begin to accummulate the things they would need to take into a marriage - bedding, silver, table linens, etc. Thus they were 'hoping' to become a bride. So my mother got one when she graduated high school. She used it throughout her life (storing the good linens) and when she died, I got it. She had it a little over 40 years, I have had it for 25. The finish is not as good as the finish on yours. When I decided to refinish it, image my surprise that (on mine) all the woodgrain, and what looked like in-laid wood, was just painted on. I still have a nice cedar chest, but it does not look like my mother's cedar chest.

I'm beginning to count down to the end of summer myself. There are less than 4 weeks before school starts again. The entire family (Grandma, Grandpa, both sons, both spouses, and 5 of the grandchildren) went to the closest water park last weekend for a family 'fun in the sun'. Had a great time.

Granny Daycare is winding down. I think the two I watch have really matured this summer, and I may not do this next year. Now towards the end it seems as if they are here only to eat and that's fine with me. We have started some cooking lessons - my sons were making whole meals by this age. Brandii, I should probably start poking my head in on your other forum.

I will still check in here from time to time, so keep keeping us up-to-date Connie.

Granny, school starts here in a few days. Thursday my son is off to college. It is going to seem weird around here with my last little "chick" fledged from the nest. Today was my birthday and my daughter made me a cake and we had dinner before cake. It was a nice day.

I should have noticed the birthday cake BellaO gives you for your birthday. I DID NOT. But I hope (since I'm a little late) that you had a very good birthday. My birthday is the day I break down and have cake, too. I hope it was your favorite.

It was so long ago that my baby (he's 36) left the nest, I can't even remember. But you don't have an empty nest. This is probably not the place, but if I remember from other forums, this is also the anniversary of your older son's death, and the reason you're here, so it must have also been a hard day to get through. Most of the time I feel as if you could be one of my kids, so I think about you a lot. Keep being strong. GrannyH

Happy Birthday Connie!!

Here are my birthday smiles and wishes for you:



How was your birthday cake? As an active poster on this forum, you are required to tell me what flavor your cake was. Just kidding of course, but I sure hope you enjoyed it!

I'll post more on this thread tomorrow, but wanted to be sure to wish you a very Happy Birthday!

Happy, Happy Birthday!

Hey girls...thanks for the wishes! I did have a nice birthday. Yes, Granny, you did remember correctly. It was the first anniversary of my son's death. I spent the day with my daughter. We went shopping and I bought her an outfit for her first day of school. She starts on Friday. She is hoping to be able to get into the nursing program at the local VoTec. We remembered Barrie and it wasn't as sad as I would've thought. I know he wouldn't want us to be sad and feel sorry for ourselves.

We had funfetti cake (grandaughter picked it out) and it was just a white cake and the icing had tons of little chips in it.

Aww, thanks for that complement granny....I am sure I could be one of your kidos!

GrannyH,

I'm glad the grandkids have matured--I'm sure that makes it easier. Come on by the Cooking for Kids forum anytime!

A lot of the recipes on the Cooking for Kids site are inspired by many fun times in the kitchen with my mom and grandmother. They had to have had great, great, patience, lol!

Connie, did your son get off to college ok? Refresh my memory--is this is first or second year?

I can't believe all of the canning you did! How long does it take?

I'm glad you enjoyed your funfetti cake!

Hey Brandii, this is my son's first year at college. He is really excited. He starts class on Monday. Tommorow he has an all day orientation class.

I canned tomatoes this afternoon and it probably took me an hour to prepare 5 quarts of tomatoes. Then they process for 45 minutes. Still are lots of tomatoes in the garden yet. I will take a pic of the basement shelves when we get done. Tommorow I am going to make cranberry jelly (with juice I purchased...kinda is cheating but still good!). Once you get the fruit prepared it is all downhill after that!

I was wondering if anyone has had to deal with process of terminating parental rights of bio parents

What I have been told by a couple of different lawyers and by the dhs is that the parents have to voluntarily sign their rights away. Or if the situation is bad enough I would think a judge could terminate their rights. But as far as I have seen I think the parents have to have absolutely no contact and pretty much not want to raise their children.

Hi Mary J!

Welcome to the adoption forum and to Bella Online!

There are so many different types of situations, it's hard to offer advice without knowing more details. If you'd like to add a detail or two, we'd be happy to help steer you in the right direction, or at the very least, offer a lending ear and lots of support.

Hi Connie!

How was the first day of college for your son? How are you?

Is it weird with me being away at college?

Speaking of school...

Granny H, isn't it just a two or so more weeks before the boys are back in school? Have you started the countdown timer, lol?

Hey Brandii, it is odd to have him gone. I am still kind of sad, but I will be ok. He kept telling me not to cry the day he left and I told him sorry to dissapoint you, but in the last year and a half I have had plenty of things to cry about and this is a happy thing, not a sad thing. So I made it a while and after Mary Jayne asked me for the 6th or so time where Uncle Steven was I cried! We went and visited him Thursday. She hugged him so hard she was about to choke him and wouldn't let go for anything!




Today we are going to a baby shower for my sons (that passed away) step sister. I have made some blankets for her and we bought her a baby bed too





My daughter and both grandaughters are going and it is going to be a nice afternoon.

Finally here is a photo of Mary Jayne enjoying gramma's flowers

I know that because she is your granddaughter you would be fighting for her future anyhow, but she is just too precious to think about losing.

And how about your son!! He looks like he may only be old enough to be starting high school, not college. (That is the old and decrepit [I'm nearing my 61st birthday] grandmother in me talking.) Is your son a long way away, or can you easily drop in when one of you is lonely?

I know I've been saying summer vacation still has a few weeks to go, and it does, but my daughter-in-law is starting at a nearly local (30 miles one-way) Community College on Monday. It is looking as if DayCare will continue 2 afternoons a week during the school year. This is for the 3 and 5 year olds - ones I didn't have over the summer. I'm not sure I'm fit enough to run after them, but we'll see.

Have a good weekend, all. GrannyH

LOL Granny, you are the same age as my mom and dad...you aren't that old at all! Steven is an hour away so it isn't too far. He is coming to see me on Thursday. He has the day off from work on Thursdays and no class.

Just when you thought granny day care was closed...I bet 2 days a week won't be bad...

That decrepit statement of mine was sorta an inside joke. Anytime in that last 10 years or so any family member finding anything (mugs, shirts, etc.) with 'Older than Dirt' on it has bought it for me - it's not a collection I show off. I do have underlying health issues, and even the youngest can be heard saying 'Don't hurt Grandma'. But we'll be fine. And we seem to be extra busy this week - one kid each day. I haven't gotten any other thing accomplished. This is even on the run. Later.....

I am sure your grandchildren will have wonderful memories of granny day care. I still remember spending lots of time with mine. Memories I cherish today!

Hi Connie and Granny H!

How are you guys doing?

Connie, I love the pictures of your son, granddaughter, and of the baby blankets. I can't believe you made them--I wish I had talent like that.

How hard is that for someone to learn? As in, someone who's never sewn a button?

How are the first few weeks of college going for your son? That's nice that he's not too far away. I hope he is enjoying it.

Granny H, so Granny Day Care continues, huh? I bet the 3 and 5 year old will keep you entertained for sure! Did I read correctly that you'll have one each day?

I agree with Connie, I'm sure they'll have the best memories of spending time with you (though I do understand if you are ready for a break, lol)

I hope you both have a great weekend!

Connie, keep us updated and let us know now how we can can help during these next few weeks and months!

If anyone else reading this ever has a question about grandparents and grandchildren, Connie and GrannyH are two amazing ladies who happen to be experts on the subject!

Brandii, In answer to your question, I am winding up the summer vacation by having just one grandkid each day. While that sounds good, physically it is the hardest for me. If they are alone, they expect me to play with them the same way their cousins or sibling would. This grandma can not get back up once she has sat cross-legged on the floor putting a puzzle together cause 'what fun is the table'. I'd rather have them all at one time, then have the rest of the week to myself.

When school starts next week, I imagine I'll spend at least 2 days wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling house cleaning. My bathtub was full of gravel 2 days ago. No, I think I'll be at it for a week. I've having a house guest at the end of the month.

I wouldn't think of myself as an expert in grandchildren. I just love my grandkids and want the best for them. Happy childhoods, good memories, understanding moments, etc, are all just a part of that. In the case of my oldest grandchild (that brought me to this forum) the love and understanding he received from me had to make up for what he couldn't get from his parents.

And yes, Connie, keep up informed of you situation. Seems like another court date is nearing. How have the visitations gone?

Until later...GrannyH

I didn't adopt my grandson, But i got custody of him when he was just a little baby
That little baby is now a 24yr old man in collage and still lives with me
I wouldn't change a thing

Hey Brandii, that baby blankets aren't hard. You need a little basic sewing knowledge. I just make a binding and then sew it to 2-1 yard pieces of material. I am going to be making some girl ones for Mary Jayne's mom. She told me last night at the visit that she is having a girl.

The visits are going fine. Maybe mid month they will start unsupervised ones. I have to call the case worker in a few days, I guess to discuss how she is doing with the visits.

We go back to court in October on the 9th and have already been told she won't be returning home then. They may be having overnight visits by then. My biggest worry is the new baby will be here and Mary Jayne still won't be in her home and I think her relationship with her mom will not be as good as it could be if they would have returned her sooner. I would still love to adopt her, but I don't think there is any chance of that happening at all.

It does sound as if you are resigned to the probability of not having custody. Do you plan on asking for visitation? When a nephew was going through a very nasty divorce, his parents (the grandparents) were given visitation before the father was. You'll have to maintain good relationships even if you feel you don't want to. Do you have any personality problems with the mother?

Good wishes continue to go your way. GrannyH

Yes, we know we will not get her back. Yes, we do plan on getting visitation. For sure she will need someone to help watch Mary Jayne when that new baby gets here. She is going to have her hands full with Mary Jayne anyway. She is a busy girl and always pushing her limits. I get along well with the mom and her boyfriend, I am trying to keep my foot in the door! I told her I would make her some baby blankets and the other day she told me she was having a girl. So I guess I better make good on that offer.

I have been sick this week. I am tired of laying around feeling bad. I went to the dr Thursday and he gave me some antibiodics. I have a sinus infection and ear infections. Fall is already getting to me and it isn't really here yet!

Hi Rosie!

Thank you for posting! It's good to hear from you! How was your summer?

It sounds like you are a wonderful influence in your grandson's life.

As someone who has been there, done that, what advice do you have for other grandparents who are in a position to have a huge, positive influence in their grandchildren life, even if it's not on paper? I'd love to hear your thoughts, and think others would as well!

Hi Connie!

How are you feeling today?

It sounds like things are going fairly well with the mom and boyfriend! That being said, I wish there was more I could say about everything you and your husband are going through. I can't imagine the emotions are you experiencing right now.

When is the mom's due date?

That's so sweet of you to make the baby blankets!
(I wish it came that easy to me as you made it sound in your earlier post, lol)! How long have been been sewing? I probably should have asked in my earlier post--is it hard to learn how to sew?

On another unrelated side note, how is Morty?

Always know that we are here for you to talk, vent, laugh or cry! Oh my--did I just sound like a cheesy greeting card? Yikes--but you know what I mean!

Hey Brandii, I have been sick for a while. Allergies and finally a sinus infection and ear infection. I am still not feeling quite human yet! I went to the dr Thursday and he gave me some antibiodics.

The mom is due in December, and for Mary Jaynes sake I wish they would have worked harder to get her in the home. That baby will be here around the time she goes home and I don't feel it is fair for Mary Jayne, but I guess life is not fair huh?

I took Home Ec in high school, but my mom had always sewed. She always wanted my sister and I to sew. She made clothes for us growing up. I am not much of a pattern sewer! I am more easy stuff. My mom finally got me interested in quilting and I do enjoy that although I have not found much time for sewing lately! My sister and I have signed up for 2 craft shows, on in October and the other in November and so I have been trying to find some time to make some jewelry. Seems like I find plenty of time for buying beads though! When my son left for college we decided we could work on the upstairs floors. There are 2 bedrooms and a bath room (toilet and sink) and so one of the rooms is my sewing/beading room and it is so full of stuff it isn't funny. It needs to be painted so I am working on cleaning out all of my stuff and putting all of the furniture into one room. So I have managed to get rid of some stuff and organize my beading stuff. I do find inspiration when I am sorting through stuff and since I have been sick I have made some stuff. I just hate to sit around and do nothing! I guess I am coming up with a lot of projects to do to keep myself busy after Mary Jayne is gone. I still can't imagine what it will be like and just keep thinking I will worry about it when it happens.

Morty is doing well. I took him in a couple of weeks ago to the vet to get flea stuff and he weighed 145. He is still a great big puppy. I will be glad when he grows out of the puppy stage!

We are starting the unsupervised visits tommorow. She is supposed to have her 3 days a week, but can have her every day if she wants, and has to pick her up at 8am and bring her home by 8pm. If she does well with this when we go to court in October 9th they will order overnight visits. I don't really know how to feel....we have been going through the terrible 2s for the last few weeks and frankly it will be a relief to have some free time! I have lots of stuff that needs doing around the house. Probably the best thing to do is to stay busy and not obsess over things! If everything goes well Mary Jayne will be back in her mom's home mid November. The new baby is due last of December.

Hi Connie!

You must have a million emotions going on right now!

I am so thankful that you and the mom are on good terms--though I know that doesn't make the situation that much easier when it comes down to it.

Do you still have someone that you can talk to during the next few months? I recently talked with someone in a similar situation, and she remarked that there were tons of services, programs, and help in place for the mom to get her child back (which she was grateful for), but that she felt left in the dark. She said she was extremely thankful the mom was getting back on her feet, but what about herself, her husband, and their child who had become so attached to the baby?

There was not one single person, social worker, program, or anything to help their family adjust to the child going back.

She eventually found someone to talk to. She said it was like a weight lifted off of her shoulders, because she had someone to help and support them during this life changing event.

I wanted to mention this because I believe you said you had found a really nice and helpful person to talk with. Also, if anyone else is in a similar situation, I thought it'd be good to point out how important it can be to have your own support system in place.

On a light note (or should I say headache producing) The terrible two's! Yikes!

What are some of your upcoming projects? Your projects from the house to the floors to the beautiful blankets are so inspiring! You could open up a shop with all of the things that you can make. Are you going to any upcoming fall craft shows?

Hey Brandii, yes I have a billion emotions!! My biggest one is HOPE for the future for my grandaughter. Today is the first unsupervised visit. I am planning to empty out my craftroom upstairs (into the bedroom next to it) and I would love to get it painted. I am going to turn it back into a bedroom. It needs to be painted first and then we are going to redo the floors up there. Then empty the other bedroom, paint and redo floors there too. We got an estimate for replacing our stairs and it wasn't too bad...$800 or so. I would do the stain. The sides of the stairs need stripping and I figure to do that before stain.

I am getting ready for a craft show in October with my sister. I have been busy making some necklaces and earrings. In November we are also doing a show. I have purchased some stuff to make snowmen, christmas tree and angel earrings. I will post a pic when I get them done. I only bought enough to make 2 sets of each that way I won't be stuck with too many if they don't sell!

They came and got Mary Jayne after 8 and had her all day. Brought her back around 8 and she had been bathed. She was a bit of a stinker after they left, but I am sure that is normal. I am sure she is very confused as to what all is going on. Today the mom had to go out of town for something but is going to pick her up at 8 am tommorow morning. I tried to stay busy and made some jewelry. Boy I sure missed her...

Oh Connie, I'm so sorry for everything you are going through right now. I know you've talked about and thought about this for quiet a while, and to have it actually be happening has got to be nothing short of overwhelming.

I am very glad about the mother getting back on her feet and doing better, but it has to be hard what you are going through too (an understatement, I'm sure).

Is she with her today as planned?

I am glad to hear that you are keeping busy. I can't wait to see pictures of the earrings!

Have you thought about starting a website or blog to showcase all of your talents?

You could update it with pictures of your projects when they are done, and let people know where they can be purchased (or even take orders online). I really do think you'd have success in this�you are so talented!

I mean that sincerely�did I ever tell you my �hand painted flower pots for future sale gone wrong� story?

Hey Brandii, LOL, I did hear your handpainted flower pot story. Thanks for the encouragement! My hubby is always telling me it is a never ending process. Buy the beads, make the stuff, sell the stuff, buy more beads. LOL, I tell him that is just how it works. I do enjoy the selling part because it is something my sister and I do together. It is always nice to spend time with her.

The mom has spent every other day with her so far. Yesterday she only had her till 4 because she had to go to her NA classes. Today I will have her and then she will get her tomorow. Mary Jayne was in a better humor yesterday after returning home. I know all of this has to be so confusing for her.

Ok so Brandii, you were asking about what home improvements we had planned. A guy that owns a constuction company bought a property across the street and so I asked him for an estimate on new stairs and also we got an estimate on a new roof and his bid was the best. The second cheaper one was the price of the roof and the new stairs. So someone is supposed to come and get started tommorow or the next day. Then I will be busy working on some stripping on the wood on the wall and then staining everything. There is still lots of stuff on my to do list!

Hi Connie!

Have they started work yet? How does Morty do when there is work going on in the house?

Our dog always wants to be right in the middle of everything. Literally, in the middle. Poor workmen...

They came at 11 on Tuesday and were finished by 5. I was so surprised and the stairs look really nice. Morty was good. I have been trying to spend more time working with him since the baby is gone and his manners are awful! I took him for a walk and then took him in the car a couple of times and played ball with him. He really wanted the guys to pet him but 2 of them were scared of him. I try not to bother them since I am paying by the hour!




Before looking down




Top of the stairs I pulled up the linoleum



The sides I am stripping the paint off of so that I can stain the sides and stairs.


Going up

After!



After!

Today we are getting our new roof....

Hi to both of you. I'm still poking in from time to time. Now that school is back in session, I have found a few other things to keep me busy. I'm not here at the forums as much, either. Connie, sounds as if you have as well.

Are your home improvements one of those 'stimulus' ideas to keep people working. LOL Except for the bend in the middle this could be my stairway (even the same paint colors). So my question is: Were people and their furniture must smaller one hundred years ago? Fifty years ago this house was 4 1-or 2-room apartments. Things like couches and refrigerators had to go up those stairs. I don't know how...

I have two organizing kinds of things to get done in the next weeks. I am in the processing of getting my husband's family genealogy into a group on Facebook. Through Facebook I have 'met' a whole family of his cousins in Tulsa - a little strange cause they all came from South Dakota, but this other family didn't really know that. I also plan my family's reunion each fall for the following summer. That will be more difficult this time because many of us have given up camping which is what we have always done in the past. I need to find a place with a motel and campground.

I will continue to drop in once in a while, but in the meantime know that I'm thinking of you. GrannyH

Our new roof is a necessity...it has been leaking and my husband got some money when his dad passed away and so that is what we are using to fix the stairs and roof. We are going to use the rest of it to go on a vacation next year. He wants to go to Alaska and it is too late this year.

I figure people a hundred years ago didn't have a lot of anything. How many clothes could you have had back then? It was a bear getting our bed up those stairs! I think hubby said it goes with the house when we get ready to sell it! There was a wardrobe upstairs and it isn't anything great to look at, but functional. When we moved in and it was there I thought how nice, they knew there were no closets and left it here for us! Only after having a horrible time getting our kind sized 4 post bed up those stairs did we realize they had to have built the wardrobe upstairs.

The new roof already has hit problems! Part of the roof of the house has old old wooden shingles and the only thing under that is 2x4's. The guy said $1000 more for the cost of adding plywood to the roof. They have only tore off one side. Hopefully no more nasty surprises are in store!

I did have a not so happy thing happen to me last night! Morty was outside and didn't want to come in. It was time for bed so I went outside bare footed and had to chase him around the yard and was really mad and had him by the collar and was draging him in and stomping in and impalied my foot on a roofing nail! My hubby had to yank it out as it was in all the way. Monday I will be at the dr for a teatnus shot!

Here's 2 photos of the roof:



Old shingles



After ripping shingles off

Well, I went to the dr today and I have an infection in my foot and got a teatnus shot. Boy that hurt! Got a weeks worth of antibiodics too. I hope my week looks up from here!

Hi GrannyH!

The reunion sounds like a lot of fun! And, what a great idea to search for a place with both a motel and campground--best of both worlds. How many people will be attending the reunion?

Are you still having "Granny Daycare" after school? I think you had talked about cooking with the grandchildren for an activity. I'll have some fun Halloween type of cooking activities/recipes posted on Cooking for Kids soon. I'll post a link here when I do.

I'm glad you have a few minutes of time to yourself after such a busy summer!

Have a great day!

Ouch! Connie, I'm so sorry about your foot! How is it feeling today?

I don't know how I missed that in your earlier post--I'm so sorry!

I hope your foot feels better soon, and hope that Morty comes in faster next time. Dogs, while so cute, wonderful, etc., can be soooo stubborn at times, can't they?

How are the visits with the Mom going? And, how are you and your husband coping with everything?

Brandii, just quick response to your questions.

My parents died three weeks apart 25 years ago, and I have been organizing this reunion every year since then. They had 8 children, and 9 grandchildren. We are waiting for great-grandchildren 12 and 13. I think there are 12 in-laws in two generations. This summer's reunion (the 25th) was the largest we've had with only my nephew in Iraq not being able to attend. We change locations every few years, and that's the hard part - and the part I'm preparing to do now.

I don't do 'day care' during the school year, except for sick days and school holidays. What I do after potty training and before 1st grade is 'Grandma Days'. Lunch and afternoon with only one kid - Wednesday for the 5 year old granddaughter and Friday for the 3 year old grandson. The 3 year old still takes a nap, so he's easy. The 5 year old would like to shop every day, so she's harder. And she's here today, (we're looking for on-line dress-up games) so it's time for me to give her that attention I promised.

Hey guys. Well, the punctured part of my foot is feeling way better as I broke the middle toe on that foot Tuesday night. I went in Wednesday morning for xrays and they got back to me today. I rammed my foot into this antique box I have in my kitchen. I was taking the cat to the door right before bed and it was dark. You got to bet I won't be walking around in the dark anymore! I have an appointment with the orthopedist on Monday morning. For now I am taking painkillers and antiinflamitories. I think the worst case scenario is a walking cast as my toe is bent and worse with weight on it.

The last few days have been nice not to have to chase Mary Jayne around and I think even Morty must know I am hurt because he has been more docile than usual!

Hi Connie!

My goodness! You have had the worst luck with your foot and now toe! I'm so sorry, and hope you are feeling better soon.

Has the pain gotten any better?

I'm glad you are going to the doctor tomorrow. Isn't it funny how dogs can pick up on things?

When I cracked a bone in my foot a while back, I came back from the doctor with one of those lovely walking boots.

My dog went nuts! As soon as I sat down and put my foot up, he barked and growled at the boot, and was not a happy camper. It took longer to settle him down than it took to see the doctor, get xrays, etc.

How is Mary Jayne doing? I'm sure it did help not having to chase her around with your foot--that makes me hurt just thinking about it.

Let us know how it goes tomorrow at the doctor!

Ok, so can I say WAAHHHHH!!! I got 2 big ole shots in my foot and he set my toe. I didn't watch but my hubby did and he was making horrible faces! I have to keep my toes buddy taped for 3 weeks...go back to see him in 3 weeks....I have to wear this shoe that is rigid so that my foot doesn't roll. It is just beautiful too lol.

Mary Jayne is doing good. The past few nights she cried because she wanted to go home with mommy so I think that is good. To me it means that they are bonding I guess. Still makes me sad to think of her gone, but my foot problems have made me not think about her so much!!

OUCH OUCH OUCH!!! Connie, I'm so sorry about your toe, or should I say the 're-setting' of your toe. That hurts just thinking about it!

Wow--that does sound like great progress with Mary Jayne. It sounds like her Mom has come pretty far? What do you think? Is she more capable/willing/wanting (trying to think of the right word here) to be Mary Jayne's mom?

I'm so glad you have been able to be on good terms with her so that your relationship with Mary Jayne can remain strong. I bet that will come in handy, especially after the new baby arrives in December.

I hope your foot and toe feels better soon!

Thanks Brandii! I had a horrible night. I had asked the dr if it was going to hurt when it woke up and he told me it wouldn't. It woke up about 9 last night and I didn't sleep well. It is really throbbing today. Thank goodness my gp had given me some pain meds!

I am really happy about how things are going with Mary Jayne & her mom. I still feel really sad, but I think the way they have eased Mary Jayne into visiting with her mom it has helped alot. I think it would've been harder if just one day they let her mom have her.

I am still checking in on you two. Connie, I get the feeling that the you are being told to start thinking of yourself first right now. It's too bad you have to suffer so much for that lesson.

It does sound as if things are looking up for Mary Jayne and her mother. Is her mother really young, and is finally maturing with this second child? I get the feeling she just needed to grow up. She should be grateful to you and your husband for giving her that time. I know your next court date is coming up soon. It seems like it is the 9th.

My youngest son is a corrections officer and will be working (temporarily) at a prison just outside Oklahoma City for one month starting on the 9th. So my thoughts will be in Oklahoma in more than 1 way that day. It will work out the way it is supposed to, even if it's not the way we'd like.

Take good care of yourself. GrannyH

Granny, being hurt has sure taken my mind of Mary Jayne and worrying about her! Yes, her mom is young, 24 I think. I do think she has grown up a lot. Court is the 9th. The next weekend my sister and I have a craft show. It is a 2 day show. We also have one the weekend before Thanksgiving. So I have been busy making jewelry. We are about 2 & 1/2 hours drive from the City. I hope things go well for your son.

Connie, how is your foot? And how did the craft show go?

I am so glad that the Mom is making progress. That's really good news. I also know it's really hard on you and your family, and my heart goes out to all of you.

How are your husband and son coping? How is college going for your son?

Happy Birthday, Granny H!!



(Sorry, I tend to get carried away with the smiley icons).

I hope you have a wonderful birthday celebration!

Thank you for the wishes. Yes, I had a good day. My older sister has her birthday next week. We usually celebrate together in some way; and because she's single she come to visit me. We spent the entire day out and about. It was a rainy cold fall day though. Very appropriate for turning 61!!

Thanks again. GrannyH

Connie, we are thinking about you today!

How did the court hearing go? How are all of you doing? I'll be on later this evening if you need to chat, and I'll keep checking in this weekend.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

Hey everyone. Well, they started the overnight visits Friday night. Mary Jayne has to spend 2 nights a week in our home and at least 3 nights at her mom's house. Hubby took off Friday to go to court so we had a 3 day weekend together and it was very nice. Strange, but nice. We are going to have to learn how to be Connie & Rusty again. If everything goes well Mary Jayne will be back in her mom's home in November. I guess we are pretty much at the end of the road.

I have been taking it easy. I had to go back to the Dr. on Wednesday because my toe was killing me. They xrayed it and everything was fine. I had just done too much two days in a row. Guess I have a hard time sitting! I have managed to get more jewelry made for the show coming up on Saturday. The weather here has been horrible and I hope it warms up by next weekend. Winter is here already!

Hi Connie!

How are the overnight visits going so far?

I'm happy that you and your husband will be able to be Connie and Rusty again. That is a really good point that I think other people in your situation can relate to--how to go back to how YOUR life was before taking care of your grandchild.

Do you have any special plans to get away with each other, even if it's just for a weekend?

How did Rusty do with the court hearing?

On a light note, TAKE IT EASY ON YOUR FOOT! Slow down, lol!

Do you have any pictures of the jewelry you are selling this weekend?

Hey Brandii,
We had Mary Jayne last night for the first time since Friday. She was horrible. I don't know if they just don't make her mind there or what. She was hitting my husband & the dog and cried loudly for 45 minutes when we put her to bed. When mom showed up to get her this morning Mary Jayne didn't want to put her coat on and was yelling "don't wanna" "no" and finally I told her I don't care what you want you are putting your coat on. I am hoping she isn't like that at their house, but it really makes you wonder. She kept telling us she wanted to eat, she wanted juice, chocolate milk, a bath, yatta yatta. I am ashamed to say I was glad to see her go.

I have been trying to make jewelry and stay off my foot as much as possible. I gave Morty a bath yesterday because he really smelled bad and he stompted on my toe and it is pretty tender.

This weekend is the fall foilage festial and I am meeting my sister there on Saturday morning. I am not sure what my hubby will do but the weather here is miserable. Wet and cold but not freezing yet. After all this is settled we have talked about going somewhere with my sister, maybe Vegas. Her husband is from there and so he knows all the good places to go. I think it would be really nice. My sister and I have gotten really close over the past year.

Rusty was good at the hearing. The judge asked us if we wanyed to say anything but we didn't. Really what is there to say?

So you asked for photos! You may be sorry lol!



This is chocolate brass...never heard of it before but it is really pretty. Also red tigers eye.



There are Christmas earrings. It was hard to get a good picture of them.



A bangle bracelet with cane glass beads



A lucite flower bangle bracelet

Endless necklaces, cane glass beads and milliefiori beads



Endless necklace, the two with the little beaded beads the one on the far left is garnet beaded beads, the middle is milliefiori and the one on the right is vintage glass pearls from an old necklace that I took apart.

Chalk turquoise

Connie, I told you earlier than my son would be working temporarily at a prison in Oklahoma. He's been there since Sunday. He said the hardest part so far (other than missing his family) was learning the language. LOL

I am not a jewelry wearer, but I do like your work. My biggest problem is being allergic to metal. I bet I could wear what you make.

It does sound as if you will be back to being Grandpa and Grandma soon. Do you think you will feel some obligation to function as grandparents to Mary Jane's new sibling? Or will you be able to make the distinction so that MJ will understand. Speaking for myself, I might feel some resentment to that situation.

Take care. Good healing. Stay sane. You will remain in my thoughts. GrannyH

Hey Granny, I had really not given any thought to being a grandparent to MJ's new sibling, I think it would be weird. And yes, I already have resentment so I think it will be even worse. Right now MJ calls her boyfriend by his name, but I am sure one the new baby starts to talk she will start calling him dad too. That is going to be really hard to swallow and keep comments to myself. But I will be able to do that.

I did very good at the weekend craft show, I sold over $600 worth of stuff. My hubby is always so supportive, he said if I kept this up years from now I might break even LOL. I do enjoy it but seeing my sister and spending time with her makes it way more fun!

Hi Connie!

I'll be back in the morning (or, later this morning, lol) with more, but I wanted to tell you that the jewelry you made is absolutely beautiful!!

Congratulations on doing so well this past weekend! That is fantastic!

Granny H, you brought up some good points, and Connie, know that we are here to help you through everything!

Hey ladies, I had a rough week last week. I talked to my therapist twice and she suggested uping or changing medication and so my dr changed me to something new. I think I cried for 3 days straight, got in a horrible fight with my husband mid week. It has been a long year and a half. My sister and brother in law invited us to go to Santa Fe with them Thanksgiving weekend and I am looking forward to that. This weekend we are going to Oklahoma City and it will be nice to get away.

Connie,

I'm so, so sorry!!

This is the part that is so unfair to you and your husband.

You've give up your life for the past year and a half to ensure that your granddaughter had a safe, happy, and loving home, and then it seems like it's just taken away from you.

I know we're all happy her mom is doing better, don't get me wrong. But there's another side that has got to be harder for you guys than we can ever imagine.

I am so relieved that you've talked with your therapist and doctor. And, I'm glad to hear you are getting away this weekend, and on Thanksgiving!

I've never been to Santa Fe, but have heard it's a wonderful place to visit.

You can post here a million times a day, and we'll be here for you as you head into this new phase of your life.

Stay strong, because you are!

Connie,

I feel so bad for you and I doubt that what we say here helps all that much. From experience I know that your grief is as deep as if you were dealing once more with death. It does get better, but it takes time - as in all grief. You have to keep telling yourself this is the best for Mary Jane, and eventually you'll believe it. It is a good thing you have something to look forward to.

I remember telling my husband when I was at my lowest that he had to take a backseat - he just wasn't as important as a grandchild. Thank God he's an understanding man.

My advice for the legal side of this is to make sure you get the regular scheduled visitation that should have been your son's. I'm sure it will fall to you to teach her that part of herself.

Good Luck, and as Brandii said, Stay Strong.

Hey girls, thanks as always for your words and support. I guess I am just finally getting time to have some feelings. Today I go to see my therapist and we have Mary Jayne tonight. Thursday will be the last visit in our home. I do hope that she will let us see Mary Jayne, really she would be stupid not to take advantage of free babysitting and she will need some time off once the new baby comes.

On a happy note, my daughter is moving a block from us so I will be able to see her a lot. I will be watching my grandaugther Tiffany before and after school and it will be nice to see her. She was the first grandchild I had and I was the first one to hold her when she was born after the dr. She is a real sweetie. So I am looking forward to this. I think it will help to have something new going on in my life.

I had a nice visit with my therapist and she even bought a necklace that I was wearing! She told me I should bring my jewelry up there for everyone to see. I try to wear stuff a couple of times after I make it to make sure it is ok.

She thought hubby & I getting away together is a good idea. The vintage flea market is going to be at the fairgrounds when we are there and so we are going. No telling what treasure I might find!

Hi Connie!

I imagine that today and tonight have got to be very hard for you and your husband. I wish I could reach out and give you both a hug!

I am so grateful that you had a good meeting with your therapist, and that she agrees getting away with your husband is a good thing.

That's so exciting about your daughter moving so close to you, and that you'll be able to see Tiffany before and after school! Think of all the fun (and trouble, lol) you can get into together!

My thoughts and prayers are that your wonderful relationship with Mary Jayne will only continue, especially as the new baby comes, and perhaps her and Tiffany can be great playmates (a wonderful blessing, but can also work against you if they double team you, lol).

On a much, much, lighter note, when you do get away this weekend...I can't wait to hear what treasures you find at the vintage flea market!

Thinking of you, and sending the best of thoughts, a lending ear, and a supportive shoulder anytime you need it.

Hi Connie!

Just wanted to pop in and say hello!

How are you guys doing?

There is a huge Christmas/craft show here in Charlotte, and I was thinking it'd be the perfect place to sell your jewelry, if you were a few states closer.

Hey everyone. I have been gone to my moms. She has recently moved my gramma in with her and I think going to the nursing home time has come. The morning mom called me gramma had a really bad night and mom decided she couldn't leave her home alone anymore and so I went to stay so mom could make all her weekly appointments. She has fibromyalgia and recently started on physical therapy and has a massage a week and other things to do. Mom finally got home health care to come in to see gramma and they started strength building pt with gramma. Also a lady comes to bathe her twice a week. A nurse comes to check on her and they are testing her cumidin levels at home so mom doesn't have to drive gramma an hour to the dr just to get a finger poke. My mom is not in good shape. She has had 4 hip replacements and is very limited to what types of activities she can do. Long long story short, gramma is not doing well. Last night she was up at 3 and got dressed and ready for church. She woke me up at 4:30 wondering around the house trying to figure out what time it was. I told her she ought to read a book if she wasn't sleepy and mom got up at 5:30 and gramma was still milling around. She is having incontenice (sp?) issues and also is so so forgetful. It is just sad to see her that way. Especially when she is confused. One day she told us she was just ready to die because she is not useful any more. I think that was the worst day for me. You hear that old saying "growing old gracefully". Whoever made that up wasn't old yet.

My dad recently hurt his back and it is bad...back spurs and some other stuff...he goes to the specialist the 17 th and I am afraid surgery is the only answer for that.

Both of moms brothers are there today and so they were going to talk to gramma about having to go into the nursing home. I have to have a mamogram tommorow and had already planned to come home today but when I heard about the one brother coming I was glad I was leaving. He lives about 7 hrs away and is always complaning about how my mom is taking care of gramma and the other day told her he would have to come down and take charge so that gramma would be well taken care of. When gramma had a pacemaker put in he didn't even come see her because he was too busy with work. He does own his own buisness, but has employees or could've had his wife watch the store. I didn't think I would be able to keep my comments to myself and didn't want my uncle to think my mother raised rude and mouthy kids. I am waiting for her to call and tell me how things went. Not good I am sure. My poor gramma just wants to go home but that won't happen. Mom got an appointment with a geriatric dr and they are going to asses gramma to see what is wrong with her. I am thinking it is dimentia, mom thinks maybe alzhemers. Anyway, now days they have meds that can help in the early stages. As always thanks for letting me bump my gums! Connie

I never did tell ya'll what I got at the vintage flea market



Rocking chair...$35



I have been looking for a coffee grinder for quite a while, the guy I got it from had the butter mold too



My dad is going to build me a shelf to go over my dining room window but until then, this is the temporary home for some stuff



This was my deal for the day! It is a Royal Doulton cat and I paid $0.50 for her...I looked her up on ebay and found 2, one for $99 and the other $120!

Connie, I wish you so much luck with the problems you have to deal with. I think you must be the 'poster child' for your generation. You are the care-giver, at least part-time, for 2 generations after you and 2 generations before you. I hope you will continue to be your own care giver. Are you still planning your Thanksgiving holiday?

How are things going with Mary Jane? Have you found any 'sticky' situations with your daughter living close to you now?

You will continue to be in my prayers and thoughts. GrannyH

Hey Granny, we are getting to see Mary Jayne. Tonight we are going to go get her and take her for supper and grocery shopping. That is our "big" outing lol. Rusty wanted her to come home but my house is a disaster as I am getting ready for a craft show this weekend. I didn't get much jewelry made at moms and now I am trying to catch up.

We are going to stay at my moms for Thanksgiving. We will go another hour to my Uncles for Thanksgiving dinner. Best thing about that is I don't have to bring anything! I will get to see my cousin that I don't see much. So it will be nice.

So far no sticky situations with my daughter. Tuesday she came over and helped me make Bierox...I sure appreciated that help! She is coming over to help me make jewelry today. Will appreciate the help there too!

Hi Connie!

How are you?

How was the outing with Mary Jayne?

How is the jewelry making coming along?

I was thinking you were going to New Mexico, but is that a little later on this year?

I LOVED your flea market finds!

I wanted to stop in to wish you both a happy Thanksgiving. I'm going to be very busy the next several days or more, and don't really even plan on turning the computer on. So, Take care both of you and have happy family memory-making days. Be good to yourselves and your families. GrannyH

Belated Happy Thanksgiving everyone. We went to my moms and hubby had to work early today and Saturday so we ended up only staying Wednesday night and leaving Thursday afternoon to get home. Gramma is not doing well...she did agree to move into an assisted living home. I went to see it and it is very nice. Only 25 residents live there. I think there are 23 living there now. They are going to get her settled in there over the weekend.

My sister canceled the Santa Fe trip, but that is just as well. I didn't do well at the last show we went to and don't have money for buying beads. I think I need a break from beads anyway! I am excited about getting busy sanding and floor striping. It will be so nice when all of that is finished. I have a lot to get busy working on. I am going to start working on a quilt I promised my daughter Raney. I am excited about that. Mom gave me my quilt yesterday that I had made after breaking my ankle. Actually, I just pieced it together and she put it on her long arm quilting machine. I will post some photos of it on my bed. I told everyone if they come and stay with me they will get to enjoy sleeping under it in my spare room.

I hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving...I did and am thinking about putting that tree up

Hi Connie!

I'm sorry to hear your grandmother isn't doing well, but happy to hear she is willing to go into assisted living. I think that's great about the small number of residents!

From sanding/striping the floors to making a quilt, I'm so impressed with your abilities (and admittedly jealous, lol).

How long does it take to make a quilt? I can't wait to see it!

Granny H, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving! How are the grand kids?

Hey Brandii,

I talked to mom yesterday and gramma was doing better. Guess she was sitting in the dining room at 3 waiting for supper! LOL, at least now she wants to eat.

Well, I am not sure how long it takes to make a quilt. I would work on it and then stop for a while. It has been finished for a while, but mom lacked the label on the back. Finally I told her she could make the label and I would attach it so I could bring my quilt home! I was working on my daughters quilt (I am up to 4 squares now) and am having difficulties. I put it aside, mom said she would look at it and help me. So I picked fabric for a new one last night. It will be way easier and so now I just need to get busy cutting fabric!



Mom with my quilt



Quilt at home



My grandaughters were over yesterday for a visit, we had a nice day.



Fabrics for my new quilt...all reproductions

Connie, the quilt is beautiful! I can't wait to see your next one!

How are you and your husband doing? Has the new baby arrived yet? I loved your pictures!

I could use your creative and crafty advice-I put ornaments on our tree, and a few of them have broken "strings" or loops to hang on the tree. I'll take a picture and post it here in a bit to show you what I'm talking about. Some of the ornaments have been around for years (when I was little), so I'd love to fix it if possible.

Do you have your tree up yet?

Hey Brandii, I took some photos of Christmas decor. My son came and helped me with the tree and I guess that helped me to get into the decorating spirit.












We are all doing fine. The dr is going to induce on the 16th if she doesn't have her by then. We are going to keep Mary Jayne while her mom is in the hospital.

I started on another pattern for my daughters quilt instead of starting another for me. I will have to get a photo of my progress.

Connie, your house looks beautiful!!

Has she had the baby yet? How are you all doing?

I can't wait to see the photos of your daughter's quilt--how is it coming so far?

The baby came last Wednesday...Symphony Carissa (don't ask me...I am just reporting!).

I am doing better. I have been having a lot of urinary tract infections and Friday had a CT Scan and bladder scope and everything seems to be ok. We have kidney disease in our family so the dr was worried about that. It is nice to know you are ok, but could do without the big price tag on tests right at Christmas time!


This is my #1 helper testing squares for me


This is where I've stopped. I had Mary Jayne and had to clean up my sewing mess and I have yet to drag it all out again!

Connie, the quilt is beautiful!

I'm so happy to hear that everything was ok kidney wise. I can relate to dealing with the expensive medical tests!

How is the Mom doing with the new baby? How is everyone else doing?

Your cat (or, #1 helper) is so precious!

Really can't believe I haven't checked in here since Thanksgiving. I hope you both had a good Christmas and that your New Year is off to a good start. If you pay any attention to national weather, you know we've had weather here.

Christmas was the third day of a major blizzard. My grandson, who is the reason I got started at this forum, is 19 now and still living in the group home which is 3 hours away from 'home'. He almost didn't make it, but at the last minute he was able to come. We actually ended up having our 'Christmas Eve' meal and gift opening on December 26. He only stayed a few days cause we knew we were in for more weather this past week. It's been getting in the -30's during most of the last 3 nights.

Anyhow, my grandson was very upset when he thought he wasn't going to make it home for Christmas, and of course, this grandma was very sad. But he and I both have to prepare for the fact that he's an adult now, and his traditions will be changing. I don't have any discussions with my son about this topic at all, so I don't know how the decision-makers feel.

I don't make resolutions as a rule, but I have made personal commitments; so I'm looking forward with pleasure. I hope you both are as well.

Happy 2010. GrannyH

Hi GrannyH!

It's so good to hear from you!

I'm so happy that your grandson was able to make it to your house for the holidays!

How is the group home going for your grandson?

How are your other grandchildren doing? How was their Christmas?

Hey Ladies....Granny you have had your share of weather already! We got the day before Christmas storm, but we were on the edge of it and weren't hit as bad as everyone else. 2 hrs from here (Oklahoma City) got 14 inches of snow in one day. I can only imagine how bad was where you were! That much snow here is one of those blizzards that you only see once in your lifetime.

My gramma was in the hospital and we went to mom's for the weekend. It is sad to see your poor gramma gradually decline. At least she still remembered who I was and I had made her apple pies for Christmas. Little one serving ones. She loved those! Next time I go I will bring some more. Her 90th birthday is at the end of the month.

No resolutions here either. I would love to have my upstairs floor finished soon, but all that mess takes time. I am working on removing sticky residue from the hall landing upstairs. I usually don't do this kind of stuff in the winter but I am ready to get the upstairs finished!! My neice is going to come this summer to stay a month and it would be ever so nice to have a bedroom ready for her! Also it would be nice to get the extra furniture out of the downstairs rooms and basement. Also to get all my pictures and decorations put back up!

Hi Connie!

How are you guys doing? How is your grandmother doing? I know what you mean about it being so hard to see someone you care about so much in declining health--it's extremely hard, isn't it?

Hello Granny H! I hope your grandson is doing well! How are you?

How is the weather for both of you? I hope it's not too bad...we had two inches of snow, and my dog thinks it's the greatest thing ever.

Hey Brandii,

Gramma is doing ok I guess. We missed her 90th birthday party because of the weather. Hubby thinks we got 4-6 inches. We didn't get the ice that a bunch of people got so we were lucky that way.

Hi Connie!

How�s the weather now, dare I ask? I was worried you�d get hit with round two�

How is everyone doing? How are YOU doing?

Hey Brandii, Oklahoma is getting snow again but this time we missed out on it. We still have snow on the ground from earlier in the week.

I have been busy painting. We were going to refinish the floors upstairs but decided on carpet instead so I have been giving everything a fresh coat and am sick of painting! I only have a little bit more to go though, just some details. I used 10 gallons of paint! All the rooms were different colors and now they are all nice and white which everyone keeps telling me is boring! I had to paint all of those rooms and figured it would be easier to go with one color and it is really nice and bright and clean looking.

Tonight we are going to get Mary Jayne and take her out for super. My house is a big disater with everything from upstairs downstairs and not too kid friendly! We saw her a couple of weekends ago and she is doing good.

Hi Connie!

I'm with you on the one color theory. You can always add colorful paintings, pictures, linens, pillows, etc. to add color. I love having one neutral color throughout the house, because you can change the look of each room from season to season or from year to year.

I've been thinking about you guys and everything you have been through. How has the transition been over the past few months? How are you and your husband doing?

Hey Brandii, we got our carpet yesterday...finally! I went through 10 gallons of paint, I painted everything...walls ceiling, baseboards, window frames, doors. Unfortunately I am sick and don't even feel like putting my house back in order! It was about to drive me crazy to have stuff stacked everywhere. I was begining to feel like my house would never be back in order.

We get to see Mary Jayne when we want so that is good. She seems to be ok and is always happy to see us. We miss her lots. I think we have transitioned (sp?) well as could be expected. I got a job and am not sure when I start yet. I will be working at a daycare and I think it will be nice to feel useful. The days are very long now with no kids at home. My therapist had talked to me about getting a job or volunteering somewhere a couple of months ago. So I am excited about starting a new job. I was very worried about finding one as I have not worked in 15 years! I think the daycare will be perfect as I love kids and they love me.

This past weekend I went and visited my mom and family and saw my gramma. They are going to start hospice care today. She did know who I was and seemed pretty with it when I saw her but I know she is not very with it anymore. It is painful to see her that way, but I know it is Gods way of helping us let go. She has been in and out of the hospital and having a lot of bladder infections. Also I think she has had a series of mini strokes.

Hi Connie!

I am so happy to hear about your new job--Congratulations! I can't wait to hear all about it, and I'm sure you'll have lots of funny stories to share!

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother! I'm sure that is very hard on your entire family.

I hope you aren't still sick--that just stinks, doesn't it?

Congrats again on our new job. I am so happy for you, and while I'm not a mind reader, lol, I felt like I could see you smiling about the job through your post.

You�ve been through so much, and are a true inspiration for kindness, inspiration and hope.
64,772 people have viewed this thread, and it�s because of your strength and compassion. It was clearly evident when you created this thread and it�s clearly evident now as well�you are simply amazing!

You have to let us know how daycare goes! How old are the kids you�ll be watching?

Hey Brandii, yes, I am still sick! I had gone to the dr that Monday after I got home and he did a swab for flu and I didn't have that. He had sent me home and said get rest and drink lots of fluids. Wednesday I started having green mucos and they called in a prescription. I was feeling way better Friday but then started this horrible coughing. I am going to call Monday and see if they can give me a prescription for cough syrup. Friday night I was up for 2 hours because of coughing. I was hoping to be all well by the time I start my new job! I go tommorow for orientation and Tuesday I work 10:30-5. They have a 4 yr old program and the kids are divided up into rooms by age. There is a baby room, a toddler room, a 3 yr old room and then the 4 yr olds. They also provide care for the preK who only attend school half a day. She had asked me what age I was interested in and I told her I really didn't know. To start with I will work in each room and get to know the schedules and the children. She told me they have scholarships/grants that will pay for 90% of tuition and all of books if I was interested in taking some classes at the local college (2 days a week) and I could be a "teacher" for the older ages. They have full time and part time available and I told her I would like full time. I had to have a background check before I could start, but since we were foster care providers I had told her there wouldn't be a problem. So that is why I couldn't start until Monday. But it is good since I have been sick and I didn't want to tell her I couldn't start working because I was sick! I didn't want her to think I was flaky!

We got our upstairs put back together finally and we rearranged everything downstairs. I will get some photos and post them for you. It was like moving in again!

Oh and you are so sweet to say such nice things about me! Being able to come and talk here helped so much. And WOW I can't believe that many people would read my posts!!

This is the stairwell. It was brown. We had the landing carpeted. I still need to stain the stairs and after the carpet came I thought too bad we didn't get the stairs carpeted!





This used to be my sons room, now it is Tiffany's room for when she comes and stays the night. This room was a dark grey and the beadboard was wood colored. I think the whole room looks better one color. The bed is a trundle bed so it will be nice for when we have more than one little one visiting. My mom and I made the quilt when I was in highschool. It is the first quilt she ever made.





This room was yellow. We replaced the linoleum in here and the washstand is from the 1840s. It was my great grandmothers. Mom said "don't break the marble top!!".

My bedroom. It was a light green color. The bed pretty much takes up the whole room, but it is totally worth it! I always wanted a 4 post bed.



View from the other side of the room. The door I am going to strip and stain.

Yesterday was my first day at work. I was so tired when I got home that at 8 I fell asleep and got up at 9 to go to bed! The kids were so happy, I was amazed. We had 3 babies, one 1yr old and 3 2 year olds. I kissed boo boos, read books, played and rocked little ones. At one point I had 4 kids sitting in my lap. There wasn't a dull moment all day! And I am going back today for more!

Another shot of my wash stand



My daughters quilt, over halfway done. I stopped working on it to paint and get things upstairs squared away.

WOW--Connie, all the changes you made, and the quilt look absolutely amazing! You have been one buys woman!

How is work going?

Is it fun to be with all of the little ones during the day? I imagine they are so cute (and so busy, lol).

Can't wait to hear how everything is going!

Hey Brandii, well, last week was awful. Monday morning I got a call that my husband had passed out at work and I met the ambulance at the hospital. They thought he could have had a minor heart attack or heart arithmea. He spent 2 nights in the hospital, had 2 cat scans, lots of tests and they never did figure out what was wrong. He got dizzy every time he sat up and passed out a few times at the hospital. Finally they let him go home and he had to spend all week at home. Yesterday he went back to the dr and was released to light duty. I had still been coughing and ended up at the urgent care on Wednesday. I got tested for mono and that was negative but my white count was really low. I have had this happen to me since I was in 4th grade. I get really tired and it turns out my white count is very low. Last time it happened was about 3 years ago. It always goes back up on it's own but no one can ever figure out why I do this. I got a shot at the urgent care and I spent the whole week at home too. My work was nice enough to let me off. I slept off an on for a couple of days and am only coughing a little. I couldn't even sleep at night for coughing. I think I was just exhausted too worrying about my husband.

I went back to work yesterday and it was nice. There was one little girl who saw me and ran to me and I picked her up and she gave me a good hug. She even remembered my name! The last day I was there we were talking about what my name was. So it was nice to be missed!

Saturday is the bead mart in Oklahoma City and I am going. It will be fun. I could sure use some fun after last week!

I looked back and I hadn't written in a while. The last week I worked I was in the 2-3 yr old room. There are 8 kids per adult and we had about 12-14 kids each day. I didn't like it as much as the baby room at first, but I really like it better in there. There is never a dull moment! I think they are little monkeys climbing on everything. It didn't take long at all for me to learn all of their names. The one girl that I was talking about earlier is very sweet. She follows me around quite a bit. The day really passes quickly in that room! Yesterday was nice so we went outside and they had their snacks outside. They had a wonderful time out and no one wanted to come back in when it was time! They are so cute, they all wanted to show me how they could go down the little slide.

I got my first pay check yesterday. I had forgotten all about getting paid last week and it was nice to get that check! We are working on getting our siding and windows paid off and then plan on getting the house paid for. Hubby says he wishes I could get more hours but I told him that may come in time!

Hello, girls, or maybe I should say "April Fools". I have a hard time believing how long it has been since I last checked in here.

Connie, hope your husband and you are both feeling better now. I really hate it when the docs cannot figure out the problem. You don't know how to avoid a condition or to prepare for it. And all the work you have been doing in your house, while we are still deciding if we want to move into seniors-only apartments. We usually stop that kind of thinking in the spring - how could we not want the flowers and a green lawn, etc. It's all that snow we don't like to deal with. Spring came early here. We expect we'll still have snow at some point, but it won't stick around. In the meantime, we have had temps in the 70s for 4 days now. That's May for us; not the end of March. The snow piles were so high in my yard, I had seriously said they would last until June. The last was gone as of yesterday, so they didn't even make it to April.

And finally the subject that brought me to this forum in the first place - my grandkids are doing great. The youngest had his 4th birthday early in March. I still have a 'Grandma Day' for the 2 youngest. Yesterday my granddaughter was here, and I had the nerve to be on the phone. She let me, and my brother, know in no uncertain terms that it was her day to have my attention and I'd better 'stop talking'.

My late-winter-early-spring priorities have been met, so I should be able to stop in at Bella more often. Hopefully it won't be so long before I poke my head in here and wish you both well.

Good spring thoughts to everyone. GrannyH

Hey GrannyH, good to hear from you! Sounds like all is well with you. I had a horrible migrane yesterday and called in to the dr for a shot, but I had to see him and it turned out I have ear infections in both ears and a sinus infection. Hubby thinks I am just allergic to work! I was a little late to work but I stayed all day as the shot does help. I would have felt just as bad at home as at work so I went ahead to work. Luckily I was in with the babies yesterday. I don't think I could've chased 2 yr olds!

The weather has been really windy and in the 90s here. We had one week of really nice weather and then it got hot. So much for spring! The daffodils are very pretty and I am anxiously awaiting the tulips blooming. They are so thick this year!

Hi Connie and Granny H!

Connie, I'm so sorry it's been a while since I posted on this thread--I think I missed your last post about your husband. How is he? I hope the dizziness has gotten better.

And, how are your feeling? Are your counts up?

I'm so happy that you are liking your job! I bet the kids make you smile a million times a day!

Granny H, I was so happy to see your post! I'm glad to hear your grandkids are doing well! I'm laughing at the "phone rules" that your granddaughter has.

Hope you both have a wonderful day!

Hey Brandii, Hubby is feeling fine, he hasn't had anymore dizzyness. Strange! But I am not complaining. It makes you realize just how precious your family is to you when you see them being wheeled in from the ambulance! He even let me nuture him some. Last night he was laying down on the couch and I sat down and started to rub his back and he says "Connie...I am not 2!!". I guess I am just used to rubbing little ones! I haven't seen the 2 yr olds lately and yesterday I was in there during naps and got lots of hugs. They are just too cute!

My white count is back to normal...good news. I just go to bed at night when I am tired. Yesterday they called me at 7:30 to come in, I wasn't scheduled until 10:30 and I worked until 5. The longest day so far. I went to bed a little before 9. I have always required lots of sleep to feel good! I have been trying to eat more healthy too.

For the most part I have been in with the babies lately. They paired me with a young girl that I really like. She is very sweet and out of all the people at work I would love to see her on the weekends to go shopping or just hang out. She does scrapbooking and I would really love to do some of that. She came in Monday and said they were moving. I was really bummed out! I really don't make close friends, can't remember the last real friend that I had that I did things with. The other girls are nice, but there is just too much drama and talking about each other that goes on for my liking. I am like "why can't we all just get along??!!" My mom tells me it is just typical when I am complaining about getting put on the spot by the boss. Mainly he said she said kind of stuff. Some of the girls are pretty "clicky" and I just don't care about that kind of stuff. Either they like me or they don't! Life is too short!

I have a craft show next weekend and am trying to make jewelry and get geared up for that. My hubby is bringing my tables in and I will post some photos when I have my dry run!

Hope everyone is well! Connie

Hi Connie! I'm so happy your counts are good and your husband is feeling good as well!


Congrats on your job--it sounds like you love it--and are so smart to stay out of office politics.

Speaking of your job, one of the editors here, Helen (Doll Making editor) was looking for some craft ideas for kids in her preschool class--up to 15 months old). She just posted on the Preschool education site, and I thought that was the age range for some of the kids you are with.

If you have any craft ideas, would you mind posting them over there (or you can post here and I'll copy and paste it over on the forum).

Thank you so much!

How is everyone else in your family doing? How is your Mom feeling?

Oh, and how did the craft show go?

Well, I know that I am very late at posting photos. I have been so sick and worked so many hours that I don't even have a life anymore!

Well, to update everyone on me. I am home now with the stomach flu. One of the babies I take care of had it and 4 of us have been sick with it so far. Before that I had laryngitus, tonsilitus, both ears had ear infections and a sinus infection. They only let me have 1 day off work for that. I had gone to the urgent care on Sunday. Seems like as soon as I get over something I get something else. I have been working 7:30-5 every day. I am supposed to get Wednesdays off but that hasn't happened so far. My husband and I have been having problems at home. I decided to quit my job and have given my two weeks notice. I will miss the kids so much, but there is so many sad stories that will break your heart. I am an emotional mess most of the time and so tired and sick too. The people I work with are mostly pretty immune to alot of the sad stuff that goes on with the children. One day a boy asked me if my husband ever punched me in the face. I guess his parents are having domestic violence issues. Everyone was like "yeah, his parents are at each other's throats most of the time". My older daughter is having problems finding someone to watch my grandaughter Tiffany. The lady she is using now makes her play outside after school until she gets picked up around 7:30 and I was unhappy about that so she is going to start staying with me. The lady's girls are rude to my grandaughter, tell her she is stupid or to quit bugging them all the time. Even my daughter told me yes, this is how they treat her. I have been picking her up after I get off work, but I don't get home until almost 6 some days. Anyway...enough for now. I hope everyone is doing well. Connie

Connie, how are you feeling?

I'm so sorry about your granddaughter, but happy she can stay with you!

That is absolutely heartbreaking about some of the stories you encountered. It doesn't sound like from your post there's a whole lot of intervention or help going on.

I'm happy for you that you get to spend quality time with your granddaughter--I bet she is on cloud 9!!

Please let us know how you're doing!

Hey Brandii, I am enjoying taking care of my grandaughter. I took my daughter & grandaughter to the zoo last week. It was my daughter's day off and I had to go to Oklahoma City to take my hubby's dentures in. You would never realize how much trouble dentures are! There was a crack in the top plate. So while we were waiting on the dentures we spent the morning at the zoo and spent the afternoon shopping.

I have been busy doing little projects around the house. Seems like there is so much little stuff to do. I finally got my stairs sanded and stained so the upstairs is all done. It looks really nice. Next week I am going to paint the kitchen. It has needed painting for a while.

Saturday I am going to a craft show. Hopefully I won't expire in the heat Hubby says it is supposed to be in the triple digits. I went to this show last year and did very well.

Mid month my daughter from Texas is coming for a visit. It will be nice to have all my kids together. We are going to have family photos made. I am going to go visit them in August. I am going to fly to San Antonio and we are going to go to a bead market there and then go to where they live. I am going to stay for 10 days. I am excited about going.



Tiffy on the Tram at the zoo





Me feeding the Lorikeets

Got wrapped up in posting photos and didn't get finished talking. We have been able to have Mary Jayne any time we want and seems like they are all doing well. We had both Mary Jayne & Tiff on Monday and the girls always have a good time together.

Hubby's garden is getting after it. Soon enough we will be canning. This year he planted 23 tomato plants. 5 of them are for me...Romas, they are the ones you want for canning and making salsa.

I do miss seeing all the kids at work, but for sure don't miss being sick! I saw one of the moms of the kids I used to watch and she told me how much she wished I was still there. I had been giving 2 of her kids breathing treatments every day as I was the only person who could do it without the kids crying and she told me they are not getting their treatments like they should. Hearing stuff like that is so upsetting! I told her she needed to go in there and raise the roof! Also she said they have pinworms at the daycare. I am SO glad I am not there because I guarantee I would be the only adult to get them! Last time I went to my dr when I was still working he said it might take 9 more months for my immune system to kick in to where I didn't get sick so much. Geez, 9 months!

I have only seen my therapist once in 3 months. I was having anxiety over the tornados we have been having. We didn't have one hit town, but several nights we were supposed to be ready to head to your storm shelter. It was cute, my therapist told me how much she missed me and when she asked if I needed to come back I told her I thought I was ok and she asked if I was really sure! I do miss seeing her but hate to take up time from someone else that really needs to see her!

I think of you all often...I hope things are well for you all! Connie

Connie, I'm so happy things are going well for you. Those are some amazing pictures!!

And, I'm thrilled that you can see Mary Jayne, and that all is going good. How wonderful!

I'm sorry you miss work, but am so happy you don't have to worry about getting sick so much.

So, tell me, what's the next house project? You're so inspiring with all of the projects you have done, and everything looks so good!

Do you have any upcoming craft shows?

This past week I did get my kitchen painted. I had to clean all the cabinets first so my tape would stick! I need to be more vigilant about doing cabinet cleaning in there! I also painted the back door a few other things on the back porch. I had to take a day to rest after too much going up and down on the ladder, that kills my knee! Next is stripping wall paper in the bath room and then texture and paint. After that I have some doors to strip and refinish, some baseboards to get stripped and refinished and I think by then the summer will be done!

I made $450 at the craft show a couple of weekends ago and I have another one coming up on the 26th. And after that one is the 4th of July Rodeo. I have a few necklaces to make and I will be ready.

I'm counting the days until my daughter comes to visit!

Connie, $450 is outstanding! Way to go!

Have you had the craft show after the 4th of July yet?

I'm so happy to hear things are going well with the grandkids!

And, isn't your daughter visiting any time now?

Good luck in your next craft show!!

Hey Brandii, didn't do well at all on the 26th...I made $10 so I didn't cover my table fee and it was so hot! But the 4th was better, I made $152.

Yes, my daughter came, then my son stayed for a couple of days after my daughter left. Then I had my niece for a week. I started working on striping wall paper in the bathroom and the garden has interupted everything. Today I am going to get my black eyed peas blanched and frozen and work on making sand plum juice. Yesterday I made pickles and tomato puree. It is a busy time of the year for me!

Well, I know it has been quite a while since I have been on here. This week we got a lawyer and got emergency custody of my grandaughter. The DHS charged the mom with abandonment (both children...she hasn't seen the baby in over 2 weeks...our grandaugher a week) and also there were alligations of drug usage and unsafe environment for children. The DHS came to us to place our grandaugher with us again and told us we could get a lawyer and do the emergency custody route. So that is what we did as the DHS would have sent her to rehab and given her another chance after that. When we saw her at court she couldn't weigh 90lbs sopping wet. She didn't say one word to us, she has known we had our grandaugher before Christmas and didn't call to see how her Christmas was. Didn't bring by any presents or anything. The guy she was pregnant by last year and she are not together anymore. He was convicted of 2 differents occasion of domestic abuse in front of minors, plus the domestic abuse. He spent 2 months in jail after the last time and 10 years probation. Not much in my opinion. My grandaugher is scared/worried that he will come here and I have heard some horrible stuff from her. She hasn't really even asked about her mom. The first day she was here she kept asking us where her mom was. What do you tell a 3 yr old that she can understand?

We have custody of her for a year and at the next court date I am hoping the judge will decide to terminate her rights. The DHS told her she was going to be drug tested when they came to serve her papers about the children and she told them she was clean & will pass. Then they told her it was a hair folicle test and she said, oh, well, I will test positive for marijuana (and I am sure for other things as well...I have heard that she has a $5000 a month drug habit and it was a pretty reliable source).

Yesterday I went to the social security office and now I am in control of Mary Jayne's death benefits (from our son). Poor Mary Jayne looked like a ragamuffin. No clothes that actually fit her, no shoes that fit. We had to buy everything for her. They are going to make the mom account for all the money she has recieved and I am figuring she will have to pay a lot of money back to social security. They also said she won't ever be able to be in charge of the money even if she gets custody back. The lady was going to call her yesterday and I asked if she would please tell her that. I am afraid that the only reason she wants my grandaughter is for the social security money.

Hi Connie!

I was just thinking about you the other day. Wow--it sounds like your life has taken quiet a turn from the last time we talked. I'm so sorry about everything that has happened, but so happy your granddaughter is safe! I think I remember seeing a counselor a while back�maybe she can help with any adjustment issues for her, especially when she asks the tough questions.

How are you and your husband doing? You all have been through so much the past three years�I admire your strength, courage and determination!

Yes, my life has changed quite a bit! Now I don't have that nagging worry about how she is. I just don't understand how she could care so little about her kids.

I had started seeing my therapist in August again before the anniversary of my son's death. She was on vacation for 2 weeks & so much has happened since I last saw her. Monday I go back to see her and we will have lots to talk about!

We're doing pretty good. I am glad all the holidays are over and now we can get back into a schedule. I think that is important for little ones. I have had both of my grandaughters a lot during the holidays (school starts back on Monday for Tiffany) so it will be a bit quieter around here now.

Thanks for your sweet words Brandii...I think most people would have done what we did. It is so hard to see your loved ones in crisis!

Happy New Year!

Hi Connie!

How is everything going in the new year with your granddaughter? Have you had any trouble?

Just thinking about you guys and sending warm and positive thoughts your way!

Hi Connie, I have just read the last few threads but if you are anything like my grandmother, maternal, who took me in when I was a child, then your little girl will be fine.

Thank God for grandmothers.

Peace and hugs

Hey Brandii, things are pretty normal around here. I got my grandaughter in a nursery school. It is 3 days a week from 8:30-11. She is really enjoying it and we thought it would be good for her to get out around other kids her age.

Still no word from her mom. She has quit asking or even talking about her at this point. She is still talking about her mom's exboyfriend...about him hitting her mom and her. I guess that will take a lot longer to forget.

I got a new puppy last week. He is so cute! He's a wire hair fox terrier. Did I say he was cute?! He doesn't even look real, he looks like a stuffed animal. Mary Jayne is enjoying him lots too.




Linda, thanks for your sweet words! I just keep thinking no little kids should have to live like she was. Childhood is supposed to be filled with great things.

What a cute puppy, and adorable little girl!

Connie, does the social worker know, or is it documented about her saying the ex-boyfriend was hitting her? That just makes me sick to my stomach. I can't imagine how frightened she must have been.

I'm happy to hear about nursery school--I bet that provides loads of fun and laughs for her, and you're right, she sure does deserve every ounce of happiness!

Please keep up posted!

Aww such a sweet pair. God bless you Connie and your lil babies xx

The social workers are out of the picture since we went through a lawyer. That was a big bonus not to have them come and dig through our house and make us feel like we are criminals. Plus you can't go anywhere, can't cut Mary Jayne's hair without permission from mom. The DHS said they would send mom to rehab and give her another shot at raising the kids. I don't understand how many chances they will give someone. I mean really, how long will they bounce kids back and forth.

Life is busy with a puppy and grandaughter! Poor Mary Jayne has tonsillitus...my other grandaughter has streph throat. I am praying I don't get sick cause I have been around both of them a bunch!

It sounds like you've gotten some excellent words of wisdom here (thank you Jase, Robin, and GrannyH), and I just wanted to add my support and thoughts to you and your family. [url=http://www.zyy.com/]Cheap WoW Gold[/url]

Thanks Jacklove. We are trudging right along. She is enjoying going to nursery school and having a break 3 days a week is very nice!

It has been 3 months since we got our grandaughter and today her mom calls for the first time. She talked to my husband and told him she had quit drugs and wanted to see our grandaughter. Then she told him she had to go and hung up. We have been having some problems with my grandaugher lately. We got a babysitter for the first time and on Saturday we ate out and spent 9-3 alone for the first time in quite a while. The babysitter brought her back to our house. She was crying and saying she didn't want to live with us anymore and beggging the girl to take her back home with her. That was pretty embarassing! I am worried they think I am beating on her or something. All she keeps asking lately is when she can go home with her mommy. What can you tell a 3 yr old? Anyway. I'm afraid it will end up like last time and the judge giving her back and then a year later end up in the same situation again.

Connie, I'm so, so sorry to hear that! That must have been so hard for you guys.

How are things going now?

Oh, and I'm no longer the Adoption editor (thought it was time for a fresh voice and face to take it over), but I am the new Southern Cooking editor. I still want to check in and see how you guys are doing. I was so sad to read your last post!

I hope things are getting better--keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers!

Well, we got all upset for nothing. She never called back. I think maybe she was drunk or druged out and was feeling some guilt. Crazy...I don't understand how anyone can be that way about their child! I guess that is the problem.

My therapist thinks maybe Mary Jayne is feeling guilty about being happy here with us. I wish she was old enough to talk to my therapist, I think it would do her some good. She did tell me when she got old enough that she would see her. I just don't want her to have bad feelings because her mom abandoned her.

We signed up for PreK next fall and she is excited about going to the big kid school. Right now she is going to a nursery school 3 days a week from 8:30 to 11. She really likes that and has made friends. I think going to the nursery school is the best thing that we have done for her.

I just try to worry about today and not tommorow. And I praise God for my therapist! I don't know where I would be today without her!

Hope you enjoy the Southern Cooking. I am looking for a good cobbler recipe...hint hint!

Good news finally! The last few weeks have been horrible. My husband talked to the mom about signing the papers so we could adopt Mary Jayne. She agreed but then she had to go before the judge a couple of times before he would let her sign the papers because she was so wacked out. I didn't think the judge would let her as she doesn't stay sober at all. But she finally was able to sign the papers and now we are moving forward with the adoption. I can't tell you all what a relief that it is! I guess good things do happen to those who wait!

Connie, I am so, so happy for your!!! Finally--after everything you and your granddaughter have been through!

Congratulations!!

Please keep us posted on the progress!

Oh, and a cobbler recipe is coming next week on the Southern Cooking site--just for you!

I still can't believe she signed the papers! Our lawyer is supposed to send us a letter with all the details for the adoption. I know we have to go and have an OSBI background check and get fingerprinted. Maybe a home study too.

Aww I will be looking forward to the cobbler recipe!

The other day Mary Jayne told me she couldn't live with her mom anymore because she was a bad girl. And her mom had told her she was going to take her and leave her at jail because she was a bad girl. Poor thing. I hope one day that all of this will be behind us.

So now we are working on the adoption process. We have to have a home study done and also we have got background checks started.

We finally found someone to do the home study for us. She charges $1000!! But it will be money well spent. We have to have 6 refrences...3 that are family and I have 3 kids so they are all going to fill one out. She seemed to prefer my kids over my parents or other family members.

We all 3 have to have physicals. Also have to have certificates on our animals for rabies.

We haven't gotten a bill from our lawyer yet. I am dreading that!

Got the bill yesterday and it was $1200. Way less than I expected! Mary Jayne & I got our physicals yesterday and my husband will today. We got our sex offender & background check back yesterday and the secretary told me we were as good as they come. Thursday will be our home study. I will be glad to have all this over with!

We are finally ready to set a court date. Next week I think. I will be so glad to finally get all this over with! Mary Jayne's birthday was last week and her mom, gramma & uncle called. I only spoke to the uncle & let him talk to her. She had no clue who he is. I don't think she has seen him in over a year. I didn't answer the other two calls. I just let the machine pick it up. The gramma wanted to know " Mary Jayne is probably settled in now (mind you she hasn't had any contact with her in a year) and I am ready to come get her so she can spend the weekends with us". My husband had gone out to their house (he said it reeked like pot really bad out there) when we found out things were bad with Mary Jayne's mom and they pretty much told him we don't have any money to do anything so you are going to have to be the one to do something. I told him why didn't they call the DHS or someone to let them know things in Mary Jayne's life were not so good. We had not seen Mary Jayne in a couple of months (the mom was mad at us for some reason or other) and I just couldn't believe a mom wouldn't step in and do something for her grandaughters. One of my girls went through a rough time and I am not ashamed to say that I did call the DHS two different times because of the condition she had our grandaughter in. Anyway, I just didn't answer the phone for either one of them. They both just want to argue about what happened in the past and bring up stuff that I have a hard time thinking about. Usually they say this is all your sons fault and I am like, he has been dead for 3 years...how can it be his fault!

Ok, enough griping! The lawyer says we should incur another 2 or 3 thousand. I paid him another $500 yesterday when we saw him. But it is all worth it.

We finally have a court date. The 4th at 11:00. It seems like it has been an incredibly long journey! Looking forward to the end of this ordeal so we can get back to normal life whatever that is!

Yeah, we finally made it to the end! It took about 10 minutes in the judges chambers. We are officially parents again!

I found out a day after we adopted Mary Jayne that her mom and the father of her little sister both got arrested the day before we adopted Mary Jayne. The mom was drunk and fighting with the dad at her house and called the police and when they came to ask the dad to leave she freaked out and punched holes in the walls and got mouthy with the police so they arrested both of them. I guess I knew we were doing the right thing in adopting Mary Jayne, but this made me realize how much she needed us. Mary Jayne would have been right in the middle of all that.

School started on the 11th and Mary Jayne was so happy. She has missed her friends so much over the summer.

One of the bad things about small town life is that everyone knows everyone. The mom has gotten 3 DUIs in the last month. One of the times she got a DUI...DUS (driving under suspended licence) carrying a firearm under the influence and she had drugs in her vechicle. I am so thankful Mary Jayne doesn't have to live with her anymore....

I have been following this thread on and off, just curious to see how everything turned out and I must say I feel relieved that this little girl is staying with you for good. Congrats to the new parents!

Thanks! She is doing very good. She had a good Christmas and can't wait for school to start back.