Has anyone figured about a way to talk to their husband/wife about giving money to adult step children who can work and choose not to? or adult children who DO work and the parents continues on with giving them money? Everyone refers to this money as "guilt" payments for the parent who feels guilty after a divorce.
What do we do when this goes well into the adult step childs 20s and 30s and beyond? I am in this situation and when I bring it up, my husband gets extremely defensive and angry - he does NOT like his own daughters (22) behavior and choices in life, but he continues to spoil her with $1500 "child support" checks AFTER graduation from college?, a credit card of up to 10K and other treats and vacations while she works only 10 hours per week and lives with her mother!? the step daughter is spoiled beyond belief and has NO CLUE about money or how to behave at a job. She buys clothing that cost $200-$500 per item and makes $10 per hour?! He is teaching all the wrong values. If he drops dead tomorrow she will be in deep trouble as there is no life insurance for her and her mother does not have money. They are both in denial and acting out in some entitlement/guilt drama. It is unfair to our present family but I cannot talk to him about it. I do not want to leave or threaten to leave but it seems to be crazy behavior. I have been to al-anon but are there any other ways to help the parents who feel GUILTY and pay off their adult kids? ideas?
