Could you live in a town from where your people were deported to death? I think I can't.
I had been trying very hard to suppress my real emotions - in vain. I met a woman yesterday on my way back from Slovenia to Berlin (where I am currently living - bad idea, as it turned out), part Israeli, part American. So we started talking about the shoah, our families, feelings, experiences... She asked me a lot of questions, she told me a lot of her experiences and emotions, her family. I felt like she was squeezing the orange dry, but it was...I don't know how to call it...normal (as far as this topic can be called "normal"; but I think you know what I mean).
Two days before this conversation I had a talk with a Slovenian guy about the same topic.
After this talk with the Israeli-American woman everything I had suppressed kind of welled up, surfaced. I was suddenly able to see (as someone said): you can get the people out of the concentration camp - but not the concentration camp out of the people. It's kind of inside me, and this was the first time I accepted it.
Just - it doesn't only feel like it's a part of my life, but it IS my life. Not my whole life, of course, but...so strong.