A few years back I dated a woman, I'll call her J, who had two children, a son aged seven and a daughter who was three. She had custody of the children and they were good kids, she was doing a great job with them, they were intelligent, sweet natured, well behaved and polite BUT... I really only enjoyed the weekends I spent with her when the kids were staying with their dad. Don't get me wrong, I was good with the children and they liked me, no friction there at all but the constant requirement for attention from the moment they woke up to the moment when they mercifully went to sleep made me realise quite a lot about myself. I was there for them when they were sick (I even had my hands liberally vomited on), I read them stories at bedtime, I drew pictures for them, I took them to the park and I played with them but all the while, inside I was longing to be alone with my girlfriend and spend some time just being adults together. When I've cited this story in response to bingoing parents, they've all trotted out the same tired line; "but it's different when they're your own!" I fail to see how though, I mean, if I had kids I'd hope that they'd turn out as well as J's did but mine would be into all the same stuff that other kids are, things that quite frankly bore me, I spent my childhood being interested in children's stuff, my tastes and understanding have developed a lot since then. My children would have just as much requirement for my time and energy and furthermore, I'd be paying most if not all of my disposable income into their upkeep.
In the end J and I split up amicably and the last I heard she was in a happy relationship and living with a single dad. She's a lovely woman and I wish her and her partner the best of luck.
More recently I spent two weeks with my sister and her family, my nephews are eleven and nine, having seen the stress she's under and the way that the kids actively try to increase that stress to get their own way I'm left feeling quite contented and satisfied with my life-choice. When my sister said to me the day before I left, "it's OK for you, you get to go home and leave all of this behind, you lucky b**ger!" I felt terribly sorry for her but at the same time justified. Right up until when I left, she and her husband were begging me to stay for a bit longer because I helped with the kids - But two weeks was quite enough for me!
For anybody who's undecided about having kids I'd strongly recommend spending as much time around kids of all ages as possible. That many people DON'T do this before they go right ahead and have kids of their own mystifies and shocks me!
Pete
