BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Its the biggest day of my life do i invite him?

Im 20 years old and I am getting married in three weeks. From the a newborn till the age of 16 I was very violently abused from my father. When I was 16 he moved out with out telling the family. He was missing for two months before we found him. He is now with a new family and apperently has canged. I have many amazing memories of my dad. But it has been years since weve talked. The last time we did talk was our last fight. My sister is getting married next summer and im her maid of houner so my dad will be at her wedding i will have to talk to him them. Do I call and invite him or should i leave it since im slowing starting to get over the abandonment and trust issues he has put on me?

I'd let him know about the wedding, send him a card or some sort of announcement letting him know that it is happening, but don't invite him if you feel uncomfortable about it. (And I certainly can see why you wouldn't want him there!)
That way he can't be insulted that you didn't let him know about your wedding, but given his history with you he has no right to expect an invitation.
I'm always in favor of extending a hand in peace and reconciliation, but you don't have to go any further than that if you aren't ready to. When you see him at your sister's wedding you don't have to talk to him if you can't do it. Smile and turn away if that is the most you can do. And if there is any way you can get some counselling to help you sort out those issues, please go for it. Your marriage will be the better for it, believe me.

MrsHoops,
I want to congratulate you on getting married! I wish you the very best! I hope your wedding day is tremendously special for you and your new husband.

Regarding your dad, I think the most important thing is that you take into consideration what is in your best interest. Being that you were so violently abused by him, as a child, it may not be an easy thing for you to have him present on such a special day for you. How do you think you will feel having him there? Will you be focused on what he has done to you, or will you be able to enjoy your special day with your new husband? Those would be my main concerns, if I were in your position.

Perhaps you could send him an announcement, officially letting him know that you are getting married, but invite him only if you feel it is in your best interest and safe for you to do.

The most important people right now, for you to take into consideration, is you and your fiance.