BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Reading these posts make me question my choices...

I have no kids. For a variety of reasons I don't think I ever will. Howver, something about visiting this forum makes me want to run off and find a women to knock up... OK, dramattic, but it realy makes me question and doubt my choices... Honestly, I'm a little disturbed by the number of people talking about how icky children are, and bitching about the fact that heir friends are all talking about kids... I know you don't want kids, and you don't have to hae them. But can't you respect the fact that others want to make them the center of their lives? I'm reminded of how the puritans began discriminating against other religions as soon as they became the majority somewhere, forgetting what it was like to be the minority. I'm suddenly terrified I will end up one of those grinches who bitches and moans every time their friends talk about kids...

The fact that NOT having kids is a conscious decision by more and more women these days, to me, is a breath of fresh air. Until now it has been taboo to even THINK about it. I am glad when women are honest about how the REALLY feel. I am sick to death of other people telling us what we HAVE TO do with our bodies. Woman are claiming thir OWN Finally and I am overjoyed.

You saying that reading some of these posts makes you want to run out and knock some woman up is about the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard. That tells me a lot about you and your motives. Having a baby just to "SHOW YOU" is inhumane and chauvantist. Forcing any woman to have a baby she doesn't want destroys 2 lives, hers and the baby's. Men who think like that are a plague on women.

I think you are very immature and block-headed. How old are you anyway? 14? You sure sound like it.

I think the whole point of this forum is talking about things you cannot discuss honestly with friends and relatives. For example how annoying kids can be and how little interested you are in them. It is very unsettling for some people (especially men, I think) to learn that there are women who don't want to be mothers. You say you don't want children but it horrifies you that there are women out there who don't want them either and with good reasons? That sounds very chauvinistic to me.

I bet most people here are very respectful with friends and relatives who have kids, we still love them, they just bore us to death. We have enough with pretending, faking and showing understanding while getting any back. And that is why I am here. This is a supportive forum, if you don't like what you read, maybe this is not the forum for you.

btw, learning that there are women who don't want kids makes you knock one up????!!!! That is really weird! I would analyze myself to find out what that means. It sounds aggressive, if that is the kind of fantasy that turns you on, it is really freaky!

I sure hope noone here will be meeting you mate... you sound pretty screwed up. Your decision making model is questionable, I sure hope you get some help on motives and thinking clearly about life and decisions. Makes me wonder what other "wise" decisions you've made about your life. Good luck, with that..

[quote=MagnusMoss]Howver, something about visiting this forum makes me want to run off and find a women to knock up...[/quote] Must be my sick sense of humor but that actually made me chuckle xD I understand what Magnus is trying to say although I think it was worded a bit harshly. It can be a bit disturbing to those who enjoy kids to hear others speak negatively about them. I think these women are frustrated having to deal with ridicule and being alienated. Also, not everyone enjoys the company of children or finds pregnancy something beautiful. This forum is a place for them, for all of us, to express our true feelings openly. For many it's their only way of expressing their repressed feelings. We all disagree on things from time to time but there are ways of getting your points across without trying to hurt someone else's feelings. I myself tend to come across bluntly and have found myself later apologizing for saying something I didn't even know had hurt someone. We should all try to be careful of each others feelings as best we can.

Magnus, just because a lot of women on this board don't like children doesn't mean you have to. I noticed the same thing, having read a lot of old posts lately. I have to admit I was a bit shocked to see the extent of dislike for some women, but instead of judging, I tried to understand. I myself have liked children (and pregnancy) all my life, but as I'm making the decision to not have children, I find myself disliking them and being irritated by it. I can't explain why now, all of a sudden, they bother me, but I think with my decision comes a lot of honesty, and honestly....I don't like them that much. Women are so conditioned to love children from day 1 that they never really question this and just go with the flow. It's so sad.

I know several people who I believe were meant to be parents and I completely respect that. I can even understand that most people want to have kids and I believe that kids should be the most important thing in their parents lives. I also know I wouldn't be able to do that which is one of the main reasons why I'm not having any. I also believe that it's a good idea for parents to spend small amounts of time amongst adults. The ones I know who do that tend to be well rounded and say that the time away from their kids helps them keep perspective. I have to admit I find it perplexing that some don't seem to be able to do that. However, it's their life and I'm not going to tell them how to live it. The problem is that while there are several women on this forum with no interest in having kids, out in the real world we are still very much a minority. I have very few people in my life who don't have or don't plan to have kids. After a while it gets very tiring to hear all the pregnancy, birth and kid stories, and it's nice to have a place to talk about how that makes me feel without having to worry about offending anyone.

MagnusMoss, I think you have a very valid concern. I think my opinion is the minority in this thread but I have to say I take your post seriously rather than believe you are crazy. After all, you did say you were being dramatic.

Here's the thing: it is human nature--although a disgusting trait, it is--to complain, complain, complain. There are child-free people who will complain about a woman who can't seem to stop talking about her toddler's bowel movements, just as there are parents who will complain about a child-free person just because of their choices.

With child-freedom, you have a minority. There are more people who, in their adult years, become parents rather than not. When you have a minority, you usually find that the people involved find each other to speak about their similar problems and concerns. Every human being has to vent at times, and to expect child-free people not to, especially when we are the minority, is not necessarily fair when parents are complaining and venting and allowed to do it at the same time.

Here's my point-of-view: I respect, fully and completely, as for individuality is a beautiful thing and makes life interesting and fun to live, that another person down the line's number one dream is to have children. I don't understand it; then again, I don't have to, that's why I'm child-free. Now, in saying that I respect their decision, that doesn't mean I'm okay with all of the things parents may (or may not) do or say. The fact that I'm never going to be a parent doesn't make me a judge on how to be a parent, obviously, but can I not still speak my mind? The fact that I'll never have the audacity to ask a woman why she decided to have kids doesn't mean I cannot sit back and wonder at the people who ask me why on the opposite.

You are child-free, from what I can gather. You are on a child-free board. Please come to expect that we ARE child-free because of numerous reasons, including the fact that many of us find children to be less-than-clean creatures, plus we don't find interest in having luncheons with the subject of conversation being kids. We all have similarities on this board because of this decision to be child-free or the possibility of that decision. We WILL talk about the positives and negatives.

I respect that you brought this up and asked our opinions on the matter. However, you need to look at the situation with an equal balance of both sides. Parents complain. Child-free people complain. The only difference between these people is that choice, that choice alone, and how it forms and affects them. I am a very optimistic person; in saying that, if this board was entirely negative as you say, I wouldn't be able to stand it here. There are many threads on what we enjoy because we are child-free...there are some personal threads where people talk about the trip they just returned from, and were so glad to be able to have the money to go because they are child-free. I encourage you to look at the plus side and the down side before making up your decision, and to understand that whether child-free or parent, we are ALL human.

[quote=MagnusMoss] I know you don't want kids, and you don't have to hate them. But can't you respect the fact that others want to make them the center of their lives? I'm reminded of how the puritans began discriminating against other religions as soon as they became the majority somewhere, forgetting what it was like to be the minority. I'm suddenly terrified I will end up one of those grinches who bitches and moans every time their friends talk about kids... [/quote] People who don't want to have children - and choose it freely, are still far, far less then those, who are "normal" (as they call themselves). The planet is still getting more and more overpopulated, and still the bigger part of the world's population lives by the rules of the Middle ages. So, we're still the minority - due to many reasons - and we'll be such for a long, long time. Not more than one percent of the women in the world can even have the choice, whether to marry or not, whether to have children or not, what and why they need. First of all - because they're not raised like creatures, alowed free choice. Second - becaouse this is the common model. You speak of people chosen no kids hating parenting people. But have you heard how parenting people call the others? From the position of "the masters of the world" who judge everyone's life and choice

this poster obviously does not realize the difference between a child-free male and a child-free female. Women are constantly bombarded everyday by disapproval of our choice to remain child-free. There is no relief and no let up. So we come here where we are not judged by our stretch marks, or lack of.

Let me put it in a way this poster can understand: if you are a Yankees fan you post on the Yankees Fan Forum. But one day a Red Sox Fan comes on and starts ripping into the Yankee Fans. This is considered TROLL behavior.

If you do not like what you read on this forum, then simply quit reading it. Do not troll us. We get enough of that everyday by everyone else. Constantly. ESPECIALLY from other women.

RavynG