BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Final decision to have or not children

Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum but really glad I have found it. Like you Gullivera I was on the fence for years and there was a time about a year ago where I was seriously considering it. But the older I get the more I realise that having babies is not for me. I sometimes get that constricted feeling when I know I have to look after the dog so any loss of independence from a child would be really, really difficult. I think the moment for me was when I asked my partner (for the 100th time!) what he wanted to do and after ages of him saying he could take it or leave it he one day paused and said that he didn't think he wanted children. I felt like a burden had been lifted. Now I am 33 and happy with my decision...can't see it changing in the future. I think if you and your partner are on the same page on the kiddie question it makes the decision alot easier. I no longer agonise over the choice but feel light about the future. Its not about a loss but rather a choice that brings with it other great opportunities and choices.

[quote=mooburger]I think the moment for me was when I asked my partner (for the 100th time!) what he wanted to do and after ages of him saying he could take it or leave it he one day paused and said that he didn't think he wanted children. I felt like a burden had been lifted. [/quote] OMG! That's what I think will happen with me. The rare moments we have this dicussion husband says that so far he hasn't seriously thought about the whole kid issue and doesn't feel like it. He can go either way...So...I feel like when he will seriously consider it he will decide not to have kids. Of course this possibility brings me great joy and I hope to God I'm not wrong. Can I ask you how long your husband was on the fence before that magical day when he told you that kids weren't for him either?

Sure - partner and I have been on the fence since we got together -4 years. I think the thing with men is that they can (theoretically at least!) have kids well into their autumn years. I guess our conversations kinda got a bit more serious as I approached my mid thirties cos unless we get a move on the dangers of having a disabled kid just get bigger. That is not something we would want in our lives...it would just be too much to give. He came home one night from work and told me about a couple at his work who didn't have kids. Apparently it just didn't happen for them. He really liked the fact that they could travel and had time and money to spend on their hobbies. I think he always thought he'd have kids one day until he met me (lol) as its just what you do. Guess I gave him another option to think about. :) I do think that in mulling it over for the last few years gave him time to consider the options...its a big decision for both people.