BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Stepdaughter is getting married

My husband and I have been married for three years. I have two children by a prior marriage and he has one - a 29 yr old daughter who is getting married in Oct. My stepdaughter is not so much the problem as his ex is. She is not contributing to this wedding at all - we are paying for everything. That's OK because I know my husband will be just as generous to my daughter when the day comes. The problem is the ex is running the whole show. On top of all the other miserable things she has done since this started - she just planned the bridal shower (to which I was invited). She did not include any of my husband's family on the list - including my stepdaughter's own grandmother. And - my stepdaughter knew this and chose to say nothing. To say this is a slap in the face to my husband is an understatement. He has given his daughter the world on a silver platter. Truth is she is afraid of her mother who is a manipulative, coniving woman. I am so upset for my husband and am trying so hard to keep my mouth shut and not make matters worse.. I have not responded yet to the shower invite and honestly don't want to go. But I know that would make matters worse for my husband. Help! I wrote this because I needed to vent more than anything else. I am having such a difficult time keeping my mouth shut and not telling his ex or his daughter off.

Oh, that's difficult. I don't know how it is that the ex is "running everything" when it is your husband that is paying the costs; however, have you considered throwing another shower yourself and inviting your husband's side of the famly? (I do realize that this would add to the cost, but it might be worth it, especially for Grandma's sake.)

Showers are often given for one group of people, not everybody who ever knew the bride, so the ex may just have wanted to(or been able to) invite one segment of friends and/or family. Anybody can throw a shower and invite whoever they want, so go to it!
And please, let your DH be upset for himself if he feels the need. Try to stay out of it, take a deep breath and go for a walk, smell some flowers, do whatever it takes to calm and distance yourself from the Mother-of-the-Bride frenzies. Your turn will come!

Actually, etiquette-wise, the mother should have never thrown the shower to begin with. That's one of the long standing "rules". Miss Manners would have a conniption.

Th mom throwing the shower is technically the mom begging for gifts for her child and is considered kind of tacky. A shower is <em>supposed</em> to be thrown by a friend or ideally one of her bridesmaids and the parents consulted for the guest list.

So if you approached one of the bridesmaids about doing a brunch for the Dad's side of the family - this would be perfect.

This is one great post. Yes, it makes a lot of sense to me too. If the things go right, it will be a good knowledge earning and I must add it is a great idea, actually I am also a very good source to get info about showe bats, spa baths, corner baths and whilpool baths.
Thanks