BellaOnline Forums Family LDS Families I need a parent figure in my life!

Hi
I am a woman around 40 who never married and never had kids. I lost my parents many years ago to terminal illnesses. I did not have a great childhood, but I turned out pretty good. I live by myself with my cats. I don't have much family and very few friends. I live in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. I wish I had a Mother figure or a Father figure in my life. I am so lonely. I lost my parents years ago. I am mostly a homebody. I would like to have someone I could talk with and care about me and me them. I missed out in that in life. I don't know if I will ever find someone like this in my life, but if you are out there, please contact me. I suppose you should be over 58 years old. Thank you. I'm a very clean, decent, Christian person. OKTuffyrascal@aol.com

I just wanted to say that this would really fullfill a great need in my life. I am a very loving person with a loving heart.
Thank you!

Hi Tuffyrascal,

I've been thinking about your post ever since I saw it first come online today.

I don't think it is possible to search for a parent figure. I believe these are people that just come into our lives when we are least expecting it, they are our friends, and then one day we kind of realize that they have filled that role for us.

A parent figure is mainly someone who is there to be a role model for us. Hopefully they are there to give love and support, too - but those qualities we can get from spouses, children, and friends as well.

At 40, a parent in your life would actually be starting to switch roles with you.

I think of our relationship with our parents as kind of a pendulum type thing.

When we are children, we are the "needier" half - depending upon our parents for physical and emotional support (imagine a see-saw with a child up in the air, and the parent on the ground0. As we grow up our dependancy grows less and less - and our parents become more like friends than caregivers (now picture the see-saw balanced like a scale) then as our parents enter their senior years, they need us to care for them and support them (now we are anchored on the ground with our parents in the air.)

You are seeking for a parent figure to enter your life, but you want them to come in at the stage where you are in the air and they are holding you up. But this is the stage in your life where you would actually be either equal with your parents or starting to support them.

I believe you would probably find more fulfillment in developing relationships that are on more equal ground, supprotive friendships.

To fill the void that you feel in missing your parents, however, you might consider volunteering at a hospital or nursing home. Helping elderly people that would be around the age of your deceased parents or older could be incredibly empowering for you - as well as relieving a loneliness in someone else's life.

As a final thought, you mentioned the fact that you are a Christian woman. Never forget that God is our Father. He is the ultimate parent figure. He is always there for us, no matter how we are feeling.

Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

I also love the entire passage of Psalm 13 - it sums up my bad days in entirety, but reminds me that He is still worthy of praise.

And finally, Psalm 27:10 "Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me."

The Psalms are an incredible source of inspiration and hope. I love reading about David, because he was anything but perfect - and I can relate to him. He got angry at God, he questioned Him at times, he was just a ral person. But he always came back came back to God in the end.

Michelle suggested what I was going to say. Volunteer at a retirement home. You will find many people who are just waiting to be what you are looking for. They would appreciate you so much.

Tuffyrascal -
I took an exercise class once and a woman really took to me in class that was in her 60's. She asked me if I needed a mother-figure in my life because she was looking for a young friend to have coffee with after class. Really. Some others standing around heard her and suggestion having a coffee club. There was a mix of older and younger women in there 40's into their 60's. You would be surprised how many women out there in the world/communities are looking to develop social "talking"circles just like you. You first have to find it inside yourself to get out there and sign up for some classes to where there is a mix of different aged women - like an exercise class. This is one way to meet older women. Just a suggestion. I also recently took a journal writing class and the women there wanted to establish a writing club and most of the women were 20 years older than me. I am an introvert that doesn't get out much. So I understand your reluctance to get involved, but that's what it takes. Nothing comes of nothing so go out there and mingle! Good luck to you.

Just wanted to tell you that you are a blessing waiting to brighten someone's life. Someone out there has been praying for you step into his or her world.

I noted that you posted back in Oct 2008...Did you ever make a connection with someone?

JUST TESTING

trying again

Hi, I realise this is an oldish thread but the subject caught my attention as even though I have living parents we are not close and I often wish for the relationship my friends have with their families. I have often thought of adopting my visiting teacher as my pseudo mum as she is just so lovely in every way. Thankyou so much for your wise words Michelle, you took a lot of time to write that post and your words are sure to guide many reading it, and Ivypie, I really hope you have found someone to share your love and life with :)