BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids pregnant friend problems (long rant)

DLF- you are not alone! Don't let them get get to you, you need to do what makes YOU happy. I say get the dog=)

Eek! If "almost 30" is considered anything like old, then I must have one foot in the grave! :-) It's bad enough that, at 32, there are now doctors and lawyers younger than I am. I feel behind the curve as it is, children notwithstanding! Ah well. Someday my prince might come...!

I am 32 as well.. I think its definitely the age group we are in... I was thinking.... back in high school there was a time when all people talked about was boys... then the was puberty... then there was Uni... when all we wanted was to party and thats all we spoke about.. then there was this or that...but diuring all those times you were either with one crowd or another... and would fit in with your friends... wether you decided the Goth culture was for you...its a phase... I am certain it will pass... the key is to just know who you are and the rest will follow. I also think it wouldn't be unusual to be wishy washy about it either... my husbands just gotten a vasectomy... many years of knowing... so its just that... the stage we are at... its just much harder at this age to make new friends that have your same lifestyle preference...

A lot of these posts really resonated with me. I'm 31 and was thinking the other day that my late 20s felt a lot easier than my early 30s do - precisely because of the fact that everyone around us is either a) parents b) pregnant c) about to become pregnant or d) desperately wanting to be pregnant. Every now and then I feel like I have managed to escape - not to think about it for awhile, etc. and then it knocks me sideways again with a friend's birth announcement, baby shower - or just by going to see a movie that unexpectedly focuses on this! Babies everywhere. It's overwhelming and I hate being surrounded with this issue - especially since DH has now reached the point where he stares longingly at every baby we pass. I agree wholeheartedly with on_a_roll that this is one of the most difficult phases of my life. And I really appreciated Andso's comment that "the key is to just know who you are and the rest will follow." I'm trusting that...but man, it's hard. I read an article the other day written by a childfree woman who said that the hardest part wasn't acknowledging her own sense of self but dealing with other people's reactions. I think I would be fine if I felt that my feelings were being validated and understood (especially by DH). This forum has been an important "safe place" in that regard.

I think that the way your "friends" treated you really sucks. A true friend would never have done that. I think that they were jealous of you and your husband and that the "family values" line was just that--a line to cover up jealousy. After all, shouldn't "treating others as you want to be treated" be a "family value"?

I think that you are an AWESOME friend! To me, you *were* being tolerant of her lifestyle and she, on the other hand, was not being tolerant of yours. I'm a lady in my 20s so most of my friends are getting married right now, and as someone who isn't suited to marriage (but who feels that it can be a beautiful choice for other people) I feel similarly as you do about being left out. I'm also CF so it's kind of a double-whammy for me. I just don't feel like I can connect with many of the people that I used to connect with. However, I'm trying to remain optimistic; I'm even joining a group in my community that's geared toward one of my interests, so who knows: maybe I'll meet some cool people there who I can relate to. PS I completely agree with you on the screaming thing! I can't stand noises, especially ones that are loud and sustained (not only do I have excellent hearing, but I have Asperger's so I have very strong sensory sensitivity, especially to noise). I hope that you will meet many amazing people from all walks of life who treat you as well as you treat them--you deserve it! Good luck! ^_^

I have made some obvious observations between life and pregnancy.Here it goes: No one ever likes having the flu for a week but women don't mind morning sickness for 3 months or more. No one wants to have a few extra pounds or have love handles but women gladley get pregnant and gain 40 lbs with permanent stretch marks. No one likes to lose sleep because it makes them stressed and less productive but everyone wants kids that require you to be up any time of the night. People don�t like to be in pain eg-breaking a leg, having kidney stones etc but women want to endure 9 months of pregnancy with pinched nerves,swollen feet and toxemia (which almost killed my mother). No one likes to be fired from their job or have their car clunk out but people have no problem quitting to raise children or upgrading to an SUV. No one would work less hours for less or no pay but people don't mind being a mother 24/7 with no pay or benefits. As my last example-My brother bought a jetski and thought he would have the time to to use it since he bought it. Guess what? Buying a jetski didn't change the fact that work and household chores along with monthly vehicles payments comes first. He has used it 2 times in 2 years and regrets buying it. I could go on and on but I don�t see the point in children at this point in time. People are hippocrites when it comes to life versus children. My job pays my bills and my friends and pets bring me happiness so I put those responsibilities first. Anyone agree or disagree?

aw21

Your observations on life are soooooooooo true. Why would any sane person want to give up so much to spend 18 yrs to raise a kid. Can't see it myself.

cp

don't have children.