BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids List of Reasons for Not Having Children

Freedom - that pretty much sums it up. Freedom to do the things I love without feeling tied down. Not having to pretend to enjoy being with children, when they actually drive me nuts most of the time. Being able to live in a quiet, calm home environment. Being able to prioritize the things that are important to me. Being able to maintain a healthy, active body and not have to endure pregnancy or childbirth. Being able to travel. Being able to be involved in my community and to give of myself in ways that bring me joy and fulfillment. I could go on and on. Here's the thing though: I have such a hard time actually saying, "I don't want kids" when people ask me what my views are on the subject. Does anyone else have this problem? I'm much more likely to say "We haven't decided yet" or "I'm really ambivalent." Why do I have such a hard time actually acknowledging my feelings in this way? It's almost like I am avoiding the subject cause I don't want to be judged negatively.

26. Better chances of keeping your sanity.

On that issue :
Wasn't it Erma Bombeck who wrote "Insanity is hereditary - you get it from having kids"? LOL It's True! It's Damn True!

Sophia,
I agree with the word "freedom" to sum it up! As for what to tell people, maybe just saying you and your husband are happy and fulfilled with your life as it is? Why mess with a good thing, right?! Maybe throwing in as well that bringing a new life into the world would mean having to sacrifice the time you are currently able to give to others?

sophia7 ~ I guess you could say " It's just not for us. Why did you have kids?"

I dont want children and I am in no way trying to be negative towards not wanting children, but it seems people dont want them at times for very superficial reasons that can change over time, instead of solid reasons. I know whole heartedly I have never and still do not want a child, but not because I find crying annoying or anything of that sort. I see the whole of the responsibility and I know it is not for me. I know I can love a child, but I do not need to. It will not complete me, I am happy with my husband and as far as I can tell he is too:) I dont know I just feel that some reasons expressed on here are solid and make a lot of sense and others aren't so well thought out, or perhaps Im an idiot and they just cannot articulate them. Who knows....just saying how I feel:)

cwolf88,
I think most of us probably agree with, "I see the whole of the responsibility and I know it is not for me." It's just fun though to think of all the reasons... even the superficial ones. However, I think most of us have very solid reasons, and I think most of us have put a lot of serious thought into our decision to not have children.

I find really interesting to hear that. I never thought saying you don't want children could be hard. But now that I know that it is for some people, I start to understand why I thought I was the only one person in the world who was actively against having children. In the real world, even people who write in childfree forums are not open about it!!!!

^ Very cool observation Solalux!! I hadn't yet thought of that.

I agree. For me, a big part of it has to do with the tension it's been causing in my relationship - hard to go into that in public, particularly with people I don't know well. It would be much easier if I felt like my husband and I were on the same page, since often we're both a part of these conversations and it would create a lot of tension since he (much more than me) wants to keep the options open at this point. BTW I'm referring mostly to the small-talk conversations than to conversations where people *really* are interested in what I think about this. But Solalux, your comment made me realize that there are probably a lot more people out there than we think who are agonizing internally themselves but deflecting comments in public.

I used to get worked out by people and thier strange behaviour after discovering I am CF by choice..and moreso when they made statements to the effect I was not serious of as if to imply I would change my mind... you should see how effortlessly my husband makes a joke out of it... and everyone has a good laugh and life goes on... recently I have started to treat those conversations very lightly people are so much more comfortable around me...on a different forum someone mentioned that men aren't tormented about this subject because they don't talk about it... upond observation I realised how true this is... so I just don't talk about it....and when it comes up... I make light of the conversation and its over before you can say childfree.....