BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Who looks after you when you're old?

Mary, I'm sorry about jumping to conclusions about your post. It really bothered me at the moment because before this entire forum post was started, I was always worried about who will take care of me as an older person, since I do not want to have children. Those of us women who are childfree by choice are constantly ostricized about why we don't desire our own children. So sometimes I take it personally when people's answer for every problem is TO have children. Once again, I'm sorry it was taken the wrong way.

You were mentioning nursing homes -- my mother placed my grandparents in a nursing home when I was a teenager. She was a stay-at-home mother, but she elected to place them in a nursing home so she could live her own life. I'm sure your children will provide for you when you're old, but that's no guarantee that they will keep you out of a nursing home. It might be wise to talk to them about this at some point. If you would prefer assisted living over a nursing home, that's something they should know about when the right time comes.

Beth, I was just merely adding a post to a question that was put out there, I did not realize What forum I was in. I did not mean to say that nursing center's were bad. Just a personal preferance, but my daughter swears(she's the eldest) that she would not put us (my husband and/or I) there. Assisted living is wonderful as long as you can take care of yourself.
My grandmother came to live with us when my grandfather had passed away. But increasingly she became more and more confused. She would walk around in the dark. She would attempt to go into the basement with all lights off!She fell down a few of the steps, She once stood at the stove, lit it and was going to touch it when I came in and said oh my god! She also became quite incontenent. Needless to say, their last ditch effort was to hire a companion, all of us children were already on our own. No one was with her. My mother and father could no longer take care of her as they were not available 24/7. We all chipped and gave the companion money to watch my grandma. I may have this fear because I did work in a nursing home, I do know what happens. Oh well, it will be many years from now.
Mary Caliendo
Tea Editor

I love this forum... I am seeing all kind of issues springing up!!! Mary tea1, I guess you went through quite a traumatic experience with the place you worked, for my sake, I hope it won't be as bad as it sounds. Sorry about that, and wish you the best. Because I can only imagine after your experience how scarey it would be for you. I am sure your kids will do thier best... most kids do. Even childfree ones. I guess the best we can do, those of us who are childfree, is to make plans while we still can. There is a forum... I am sure you have seen it, on Childfree retirement planning. Maybe we could read that for tips, google other retirement options, financial services advices,there are quite a few resources available...Also remember that life is so short, try not to worry too much about things so far into the future... we can only do what we can today, and as someone said before plan for the worst and hope for the best. I am sure we will be fine and I guess if you have kids you already have an investment to nurture, so you wouldn't need to worry about that.Good luck everybody!!!

Thanks also to everyone!

Mary Caliendo
Tea Editor

My mother swore my father, sister, and myself to NEVER put her in a nursing home. We never thought that my mother would HATE us for placing her in one when he health care needs went beyond what we could do even with 24 hour assistance in the home. Instead of trying to get better she focused her remaining energy on being a difficult patient and telling my father and sister that she would throw acid in their faces if she could to get back at them for placing her in a nursing home. My father was at the nursing home daily, they had been together 52 years when my mom finally died. Mother went into the nursing home in August and died the following March. She let her anger consume her, and instead of trying to get better, she stayed angry and made the end of her life hell for all of us. All because she had made us promise years ago to never put her in a nursing home. My sister and I loved mother and tried to do everything she asked of us, but her health did not let us keep our promise. I believe mother went to her grave mad at all of us and that makes me want to cry. I am CF and have planned out that if I cannot take care of myself with the help of my husband, sister, and friends then I will have to go to a nursing home. My sister who is also CF and has the added problem of having MS also understands that a nursing home might be neccessary evil at some point.

it is not a good reason to have a child so that someone will look after you when you get older---and it is no guarantee that they would anyway. I personally just try to plan the best I can for my future of old age without children.

I think it's a good idea for all of us (whether CF or not) to plan for our elder years, both financially and emotionally. We never know what's going to happen, but saving a nest egg and cultivating relationships throughout our lifetime gives us a better chance to handle what life throws our way. For me personally, preparing financially is no problem. I'm good at managing money. Cultivating relationships is a lot harder for me since I tend to keep people at a distance, but I'm working on it in therapy (along with battling depression).

well, if this makes you feel any better 4Ferrets, I am a very outgoing person, who EVERYBODY thinks is fun, unusual, and unpredictable.... except I really don't like people much...its a paradox. I am yet to figure it out....

I agree with the others who say to do your best to take care of your health (especially your brain health, and after the age of 30, you "must" begin an exercise routine to avoid sarcopenia one day) and manage your finances. For each of these - just learn the basics. It doesn't have to be hard. Doing something is better than doing nothing - don't strive for perfection, otherwise, you may never get started.

As for old age, I agree there are no guarantees that a child will take care of you. Also, why have kids just for the chance that they'll be around to help? I'd rather be happy while I'm young than when I'm old!! haha

Well, I have worked in a nursing home too. I absolutely loved and I was blessed with wonderful grandparents that showed me how to grow old with grace, love and humor despite adversity so I personally found great fulfillment in my work.

Unfortunately there are many that don't find that fulfillment. They are understaffed, overworked and underpaid. I personally would not like to be in one. we can do our best to plan whether we have children or not.

I do have two sons, ages 24 and 14, I hope they always love me but other than moving some furniture and "guy" type stuff that my boys help me with now, it's not in my plans for them to take care of me later in my life should the need arise.

And I know this is a serious subject but I've already told my oldest. If I'm that far gone and don't know it......put me somewhere cheap and clean, with a lot of meds and paint a big sun and tress on the wall....with all the meds, I'll believe I'm in utopia...play me a nature CD and it will all be good!! I'll see ya on Sundays and we can eat pretend cookies! But again, that's just my take on it...